New relationship...and a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
New relationship...and a friend?
4
Mon, 01-08-2007 - 11:02pm

Hello all! I was hoping for some advice from all of you.

I've started to date a man I met online...he is a good guy, good job, funny, very attentive and caring towards me (though he does seem less playfull and more egocentric than me (more concerned about appearances and less about living life)...its something I'm watching). I know this might sound odd but I always seem to date guys that want to immediately start a serious relationship. This guy and I have been dating for 3 weeks, talking for more than 5 weeks, and we have had the exclusive talk (we both decided to be exclusive), he has mentioned going away together for a weekend this month, that his lease is up in April and he is looking for a place to buy (as well as hinting pretty strongly regarding whether I would be looking for a place to buy around then, willing to live with someone before marriage, etc.). Though we spend most of our free time together, I've been trying to slow things down a little...the last few relationships have moved equally fast and then went into an Artic chill when the guy started to freak out.

While this relationship I'm in is good so far I have a few questions. Do you all think it is moving to fast or am I being too cynical based on past relationships that moved fast then chilled considerably? Also, I was talking to multiple people online before dating the guy I'm dating now. One person I've talked to online (who I have told that I am in an exclusive relationship with someone else) wants to just be friends. He has always seemed like the laid back type and I could use more friends in the city (I'm new to it) but do you think this is a bad idea? This potential friend said he met someone he was starting to click with and asked me for advice about online dating and was really happy for me when I said I met someone I clicked with...it seems like we are friends more than a potential relationship. Do you think it is a bad idea to keep e-mailing and meet up with him as friends (I've made it clear that it would be a meeting as potential friends only and not a date, as he has with me)? I just don't want to screw things up with the guy I'm with. Do I mention this potential friendship to the guy I'm dating? He has asked me about other online guys I've talked to and I feel odd not spilling everything to him but I want my own life outside of dating someone (it is something I gave up previously and I refuse to abandon my friends, hobbies, etc. again) Any advice would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 12:01am

I do think 3 weeks is fast to be exclusive, but you need to do what you feel works for you. I'd be more concerned about the future talk--you barely know each other so it doesn't make sense to be talking about possibly living together, that's for sure! So I'd be a little cautious--time will tell!

As far as making a new friend, I would go for it. I have lots of guy friends and the men I date know about my friends--I don't hide them. I wouldn't make a big deal about meeting the potential friend, but I wouldn't keep it a secret, either.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 4:09am
You asked ... YES! imho, WAY fast.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:28am

Thank you for your advice, both of you. I think it is moving too fast as well. I think he picked up on that last night when he mentioned moving and potentially moving in together. I was silent and he said "Do you think it would be too soon after 6 months of dating" (about how long we would be together...IF we were still together). I replied that I didn't know but we would have to see where we even were (if anywhere) in 5 months. I don't want to hurt his feelings but he needs to slow it down.

Also, thanks for the advice on the friend...I'd like to build up more friendships with people in this city that I don't work with. Expand my social group a little.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 10:14am

Yes, he's moving too fast.


There's nothing wrong with having guy friends. Don't go out of your way to tell this new guy