new topic! making new friends in OLD?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
new topic! making new friends in OLD?
13
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 10:52am

Okay, here I go again. This is a whole new thread, I know some of you better now, and am seeking the wisdom and perspectives of the more experienced people in OLD.

As I started dating the infamous age-fudger, I stopped communicating with a guy with whom I'd exchanged a few messages. He sent the last message to which I never responded because I was caught up in the whirlwind and lost my head. So, to use the terminology I picked up on this board, I "ghosted." After things ended with the age-fudger and I decided to get my profile back up, I felt badly about ghosting on the guy, so I sent him a message apologizing for not replying. I didn't feel the need to go into detail about what happened, just that there were personal matters that had me occupied. There is no agenda in this for me, I simply wanted to apologize for being so discourteous and wish him the best. I also did this after reading about many of your experiences with being ghosted on.

Anyway, he wrote back to me this morning and asked if I'd like to meet for coffee. He comes across as a nice guy and doesn't appear pushy in his messages, but in light of what I've just been through and after reading his profile, I'm quite sure that I'm not interested in dating him. However, right now, I would love to just make some new friends and coffee buddies with whom I can chat and have some laughs. We seem to have some things in common (both in academia) and at least we'd have things to talk about. I wouldn't say he's attractive (really nerdy) so there's no danger of being seduced into another physical relationship. He does seem like someone I could be friends with.

So my question is (and I eagerly solicit your advice here), would it be wrong to agree to meet with him when I'm nearly 100% sure there will be no romantic interest? Should I say this before meeting, or is it fine to just go ahead and meet and make a decision from there?

Thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 3:40pm
i see nothing wrong with making friends through OLD. you arent always attracted to people in that way but you still talk to them; friends. just so long as you dont let the guy get the wrong idea about what you want from him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Wed, 12-07-2005 - 8:44pm

He hasn't written back anyway, but I'm still glad I did the proactive thing by letting him know first that romance was unlikely right now. I saved us both a lot of time and energy.

I'm still in a bit of a funk, but feeling much better than I was on Saturday and Sunday. It's not even about the guy anymore (the one-month age-fudger fling guy). It's more about not having romance in my life. Work is work--it's going well but it's been the focus for so long, and I have wonderful friends whose company and support I am so lucky to have, but I don't know. I'm feeling very lonely today. It hit me this afternoon as I was driving home.

I will keep scheduling dates with girlfriends and stay busy with work and thank goodness the holidays are coming up, as I'll spend it with my family and other friends back home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-08-2005 - 8:40am

Rather than dwell on what happened this last month perhaps you can think about 3 things you've always wanted to do but have never had the time or effort to do.

Then do one of them.

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