Is this a new twist...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Is this a new twist...
18
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:22pm
Is it the new 'thing' for guys to give their phone numbers and expect the girl to call them? Also, I just received an email from "Too Much Info" guy and he says '..its up to you if you would like to meet,keep in touch'...so is the ball now in the woman's court as far as contacting and deciding to meet??!! What's going on with society!! Out of the last 6 guys from online, 4 have given me their phone first and said to call them. I'm confused as to what to do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 9:54am
Bingo!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:22am

I agree. I think the best way I have seen a guy address both sides of this is to say, "I'd like to talk on the phone and here is my number; but if you would prefer that I call, you can send me your #" - that way if I prefer to have him call I can just reply w/my #.

If a guy just offers his #, I go with the approach someone else said - if I want to talk to him, I go ahead and call him even though I would prefer that he call me. The reason is that with OLD there is a momentum in progressing from email to phone to first meeting, and if you interrupt that momentum (as I think happens if he gives you his number and you counter by giving him your #), often that can be interpreted by one or both as lack of interest (b/c with OLD it often DOES mean a lack of interest).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:46am
I guess I'm alittle old school and think that the guy should call and ask me out. Otherwise I feel like I'm doing the pursuing and I don't want to appear to eager or desperate. I like it when the guy shows he's interested in meeting me. Again, I guess I'm old fashion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:06pm

I agree with that Ginger. In truth... I have stopped sending my number unsolicited. I ask (thru email) if she would like to EXCHANGE numbers.

Here's my experience: if she replies with her number, I send her mine and tell her approx when I will call (which is usually soon after I receive her number). This situation usually turns into a 1st meet.

If I get a "Send me your number and I'll call you" reply, MY experience has indicated a lack of interest on her part (either she never calls or she calls days/weeks later). When I get a reply like this I normally proceed as if she's ghosted.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:23pm

See, I just don't get how making a phone call makes you appear desperate.... as for appearing eager, well, why shouldn't you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:31pm

John, here is a thought. If when you say "let's exchange numbers" you are going to interpret any response OTHER than her giving you her # as lack of interest on her part, why not directly ask for her # - i.e., "I'd like to call you sometime; if you feel comfortable sharing it, what is your phone number?" Or here is what one guy sent me that I liked - "Anyway, would you like to talk on the phone sometime? I can call you but these are my phone numbers _____." I really liked this way of doing it b/c he is offering to call so if I want him to make the first call I can just reply with my number (which is what I did); or if I don't feel safe giving out my # I can tell him that and then I can call him.

The only reason I make this suggestion is that b/c of the nature of OLD and the frequency of people ghosting, OLDers tend to make a lot of assumptions and there are a lot of misinterpretations, sometimes on both sides, and I like to try to avoid that as much as possible b/c at the end of the day I am looking for a life partner, not someone who has honed his online dating skills to perfection.

I can see a situation where a woman writes to you asking for your # b/c she doesn't want to give hers out for safety reasons - and then sits there wondering why you didn't respond. I understand that in your experience that is likely not the scenario, but I think that if there is any possible way to avoid these miscommunications so that you may end up meeting a lovely lady with whom you might end up sharing some happy times, it is worth trying. Just a suggestion. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:35pm
Actually, I do agree with you! I guess I've just been hit with the "guys don't like girls who chase them" theory...blah blah blah....I have been the initiator far too often and I find the guys back off. So I'm just confused!! D*amned if I do and d*mned if I don't!! LOL LOL
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 12:56pm

To me, it's part of the dating/courtship ritual and I prefer it. I want to know that a guy is interested enough to make the effort call ME. Plus, I hate catching someone off guard...so that's why I will give a guy a couple good times to call, to alieviate that worry on their end. IF the guy gives me a good time to call, I *might* skip the step of giving him my number and asking him to call me, but I really prefer that he call me.

I am very much a feminist, but to me, that means believing in non-gender biased treatment under the law and in work situations. It doesn't mean that traditional courtesy and courtship in the dating arena goes by the wayside. The examples you give in your post are, to me, apples and oranges to a dating/courtship scenario.

Sheri

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