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| Tue, 04-17-2007 - 9:58am |
Hi everyone!! My name is Courtney and I am 26, been single for about 3+ months after a 3 yr + relationship that ended amicably. My question to you is similar to a lot of the frequently asked questions but I feel I need some input on how to respond.
I have been corresponding with this awesome, thoughtful guy on match for about a week. He lives pretty far from me, about 4 hrs, but we seem to have a lot of things in common and he is always very complimentary in his emails. I recently asked for his direct email and also included an additional picture in the direct email. That was on Sunday and he hasnt responded. His normal response time is 1-2 days, as he is a PhD student and said he is in the middle of exams. I asked him via match email if he had IM and he included in the response that he might not be able to respond quickly to my emails right now, but not to take that as a lack of interest and that he would love to read more of what I have to say.
My problem is that I can see he is signed into match quite frequently. If he was sooo busy would he be signing in so much? I am just thinking of his interest level and while his emails are usually 500+ words, a short email to say 'hey got the pic' would be nice. I just am not sure how to respond given the circumstances.
TIA
COurtney

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I just want to vouch for Courtney and how cool she is. She was the CL of Living Together, and I met her on that board. We were both living with our boyfriends, and on the verge of breaking up with them. She gives really good advice
I wanted to be the first to welcome you!!! Glad you are here!!!
Gal B
Edited 4/17/2007 10:20 am ET by gal_blondie101
Gal Blondie
Maybe he didn't get the email yet. I wouldn't worry too much. Things like this happen all the time, and did to me when I was first dating R, but everything is working out now. I know how you feel, though..a little anxious. Give it a few more days, he seems interested. If you don't hear anything, email a cute, quick, 'Got the pic??' email.
Glad you're here! Great pic, too : )
Gal Blondie
Before I checked the response from you, I said CRAP! I don't know why I had breaking up on the brain...I guess b/c we were breaking up with our BF's.
Ay yi yi.
Glad to "see" ya again!
Gal Blondie
Gal Blondie
A couple of things.
First, OLD (online dating) isn't like IRL (in real life) dating in some ways. One way is that you can't let what someone else is doing online bug you, because if you do, it'll REALLY bug you. :)
What matters isn't how often you see 'em online, what matters is what they do in real life. (Or at least that's what I think.) We tend to put too much emphasis on the OL part; but if you haven't even met the guy IRL yet, why on earth are you worried about what he's doing OL?
Does this make sense? I guess what I'm saying is that you sound like a jealous girlfriend, suspicious of what the guy is doing, over a guy that *you haven't even met yet*. If you take a deep breath, step back, and look at it, you'll see that's a tad on the silly side. :)
I've also heard that Match's "online" or "logged in within 24 hours" thing is often very wrong, and that people show up as being online without actually being on, or it'll show they were on within 3 days when they haven't been on for a week (or were on 15 minutes ago). So I wouldn't put *too* much faith into that.
Finally... it seems what is really bugging you is that he tells you that he's really busy, hasn't emailed you back directly, etc... but you're seeing him online Match, active, presumably searching for other women, etc. Right?
That's something else you gotta kind of get used to when it comes to OLD. People... well, I was going to say "fib", but basically they lie. They mean well when they do it; they don't want to hurt your feelings; but that's what they do. Odds are you'll do it too, just like the rest of us.
So the guy hasn't emailed you immediately. Don't sweat it. Odds are that he is NOT "the one" anyway, right? Just keep doing what you do.
Final thought- keep dating others, keep searching, keep doing your thing until you've been going out with one particular guy long enough that you and he agree to be mutually exclusive. THEN you can get bent out of shape if he keeps searching Match.com! ;)
Thanks HJNTIY. I hate dating, (OL or IRL), it makes my 'wacky'. haha. I am normally a very secure, confident young woman..... but unfortunately, I am human and still have the natural desire to be liked and want to believe that people say what they mean.I have fibbed when responding to people, but I truly believe that people do what they want no matter how busy they are, that's why his comment about response time seemed sincere. I guess time will tell. I appreciate your feed back!
Hey there Courtney. I'm kind of new to this board and OLD too. I've experienced the same problems with Match. I have found the best way to avoid feelings of anxiety over someone that you are chatting with or have been out with is to avoid their profiles. I've been on a few dates since starting Match in March and haven't had a single second date. The dates have always been good with good conversation. I only experienced real physical chemistry with one date and I was a good girl! I've definitely had the feelings of frustration from all this. Especially when they ask for my phone number or tell me that they had a great time and want to do it again and I never hear from them again. What I've learned to do is after a certain amount of time passes (i.e. a week without any communication) I pretend they no longer exist. I don't check their profiles to see if or when they were on. I don't even really check the ones I'm just talking to anymore. This OLD thing reminds of The Bachelor or Bachelorette. You know they are dating other people but you don't "really" want to know. I hope this helps!
Danielle
Courtney, my opinion is that if he has time to sign onto match.com,he has time to answer your e-mails. He may be keeping you on the back burner until something better comes along. :( I hope this is not the case though.
How did you get your pic to appear in the top right corner of your posts? Did you have to pay Ivillage for that?
ETA: Courtney, I don't want to seem negative, what I wrote above is just ONE possibility. Like the others said, just think positive. If it makes you crazy, just don't check to see if he's been online. I haven't been on match in 3 years, so maybe the "online" status is misleading like the others said. As far as I'm concerned, the bottom line: if he's interested,he WILL contact you. But, like one poster said, if you haven't heard from him in a few days, you can e-mail a short message, "did you get my pics?" But, then leave it at that and send no more messages until he responds to you.
Edited 4/17/2007 3:52 pm ET by purity2007
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