Nexting people for no reason? Pls Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Nexting people for no reason? Pls Help!!
2
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 4:16pm

Ok, this is about multiple dating.Anytime a guy gets me really interested and excited, I just next everybody else for no reason, I realized. We are not talking here meeting soembody for several dates and developing a sense that "there might be some serious potential there" No, no, it is just that I am emailing with somebody, can feel the connection (and yes, I know this doesn't mean a thing before you meet in person), am really excitied about meeting them, and, as a result, I really make sure (absolutely unconsciously though) that I get rid of everybody else that I am communicating with at this particular moment. I find fault with them, where there might be none (and yes, looking back, I have done it with a good number of men, that now, with the advantage of hind-sight, which is alwayss 20/20, I can see that there was no reason for me to do so)...

My question is: how do I stop doing that? rationally, of course, I realize that I should be multiple dating, in the initial stages... trying to get to know the guys and see if I can be in a relationship with any of them, but I was only able to do the multiple dating thing (1-2 dates, max, in my experience) only when I find all of htem so-so... in other words when I am equally unintersted and kind of on the fence about them (no red flags, but nothig "wowing" either. The moment somebody interesting (to me) comes along, everybody else get nexted in these very initial stages (we are even talking emailing back and forth...) So, what to do? I kind of know where I am coming from (cultural differences: I am European, and we don't even have the concept of multiple dating, not in Bulgaria at least where I come from; plus, I am apallingly monogamous, as one of my friends calls me, and yes, this applies to even being remotely interested in a man...) PLease, help, I really want to keep my options open, but I don't know how. And right now I am in this situation right now, so I kinda need advice ASAP! (I am in communication with 4 guuys, I am abolsutely amazingly excited about one of them, and I can catch myself trying to get rid of everybody else momentarily...)Don't mean to be pushy, though. Thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 9:57pm

I'm doing that now.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sun, 04-09-2006 - 10:11pm
I am not sure if I can help you with this or not. I'm a lot like you. What I do is email the guy I'm especially interested in and see if I can get a response. Then I just work my way through the list. I generally only like to communicate with one at a time also because it's tough for me to focus on more than one person at a time. However, I think you're probably thinking you're implying interest in these guys by emailing with them. You don't want to disappoint. And you're hoping the one you're especially interested in will work out. Would it help if you just thought of those other guys as friends until you know one way or the other? You're not implying a particular interest just by emailing. OLD is very iffy. You don't know if the person you're writing to is who they say they are or not. It's o.k. to prefer some over others, just know that they may not be the right one and giving others a chance broadens your horizons. Besides, you don't have to email everyday or put a lot into it. Even when I'm especially interested in a guy I prefer to wait a few days between emails in the beginning. If he can practice deferred gratification, I see that as a good sign. If he falls away for whatever reason, my investment is minimal and he probably wasn't worth it anyway. Good luck.