Nice guy, 5 kids. what do I do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Nice guy, 5 kids. what do I do??
12
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:05pm

I answered this guy's e-mail because our profiles are compatible, and I found him attractive. We've e-mailed & talked on the phone. He told me early on that he has 5 kids, and I continued the communication because of the mentioned attraction. He seems like a great guy, from what little I know, and we're going to meet next week. But....5 kids!! I have two. Can I handle this?? Should I stop it before it starts?? (not what I want to do)

HELP!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:15pm

Are they all little???

I don't know, I probably wouldn't get involved with someone with that many kids, mainly because I have NONE and I want to have them and unless he's looking to become the brady bunch or the partridge family I doubt he'd want more than 5...but I'd check at least for myself.

I don't know how old you are but depending on his age, some of his "kids" could be out of the house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:36pm

A little story for you...

My mom met my dad when he had been divorced for a year and had 4 kids under the age of 6. So they were all little. My mom fell in love with him anyways. Everyone, even my grandmother, didn't approve of him and hated that she was dating him. My mom was ready to get married and actually pressured my dad into marriage. He was too scared, so my mom planned their wedding in 3 weeks. Everyone had bets they would be divorced in a couple years. 31 years later, they are still happily married. It's sick how happy they are still. They had my brother and myself, so there are 6 kids total.

My point is, you never know where you are going to find love or "the one." My mom said that marrying a man with 4 kids was not her dream or her "ideal" relationship, but she fell for him. Keep your mind open. If things go well, you could be the next Brady's = )

Layx2

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 10:50pm

Thanks...I have to admit, I'm hesitant to walk away without giving it a try...by the way, they're all little. It may be that I won't like him down the line for reasons which have nothing to do with his children, but I'm interested & want to give it a second look :)

Having said that, 5 kids scares me to death....but we'll see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:04pm

I think I would want to make sure that all these kids have the same mamma! Since I am a little old fashioned, I would want to know if he married their momma, too.

good luck if you meet up for a date!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Wed, 10-19-2005 - 11:31pm
yes, and yes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 12:58am

Ok, now you made me get the Brady Bunch song stuck in my head.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 9:30am
And as I said if he wanted more kids I'd be interested I wouldn't get involved with someone tat didn't want more children because I want to have children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 9:46am
It might not be as big a deal for someone who has children (like yourself), but since I do not have children, I would think long and hard before I got involved with someone who had that many kids. However, anyone's kids can help make or break a relationship, so it also depends on how his kids act and behave around you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:05am

Boy, can I relate. That's quite too many kids, but the biggest problems in my scenario was that the men were not financially able to take care of their children, plus one or two of the children were under 4 years old. The two guys I met who had 4 kids, one worked as a security guard and the other was a school bus driver. Both of these guys were struggling and although the kids lived with their mother; it was evident that these men were not financially taking care of them.

How old are these children, what is his profession, and how often does he have the children? These are questions I would ask before venturing into this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Thu, 10-20-2005 - 10:20am

I've been there. I found that it all depends on a few things. How you feel about children obviously and how much you can split your time with him, his kids, your kids, your own private time etc. I attempted to do it but found that since I was beyond child bearing age (no kids of my own) and this man that I dated children were of odd ages, such as, 15,13,11 & 2. The 2 year old really sealed that deal for me. She was too young for me to "raise" at this point in my life. He completely understood and we moved on.

Fluffy

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