No chemistry for OLD

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
No chemistry for OLD
13
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 2:57pm

I was talking with a single guy friend the other day and he was very adamant on NOT using OLD for finding a relationship. He has used OLD before without success. His contention is that he would rather go out to places that have dances because then he would be able to instantly able to ascertain if there is any chemistry or not.

His complaints about OLD are that that women like to spend a lot of time emailing back-and-forth, then the phone calls, and finally meeting for a coffee where chemistry is determined in the first 5 minutes or so hence a big waste of time.

I like OLD because I have a sense of what values/interests etc. the woman has before meeting her. My friend contends that he knows that in the actual meeting/dancing with her.

I think his point is valid. I also think this is more of a guy thing since women usually don't take the initiative to seek out and ask men to dance (or whatever other activity that involves meeting someone in person).

Right now I'm not really doing OLD because the women I have found there parallels the men you women have found, i.e. not really serious about dating-relationships or just that they are not interested in me. Plus I find a lot of women on Match were the same ones I have seen when I was on 4 or more years ago.

Mark

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 9:01pm

Actually I've made quite a few friends online (and I'm speaking of people I now spend time with in person, not just email penpals, although I have those too). In fact, I'd count as some of my closest friends people I originally met through Ivillage or another forum I used to participate in.

I'd much rather take my chances with OLD (which on the whole has added much more to my life than it has taken away) than hanging out in front of the supermarket, thank you very much ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 11:47pm

I agree with you, Mark.

I'm a guy, and sure- I like pretty women as much as the next guy. But it's not just sheer "looks" that matter or make up chemistry; there's how they talk and listen and look at you and treat the waiter and everything.

They say something like 70% or more of our communication is non-verbal (tone of voice, body language, etc). To me, that's a big part of chemistry.

It's why, as a guy, I'm a big fan of meeting SOONER rather than later. And yes, I agree with your friend- it DOES feel like a big waste of time to email back and forth several times, meet for coffee and find out... no chemistry.

For women, while you might like to find out more than "chemistry" or what a guy looks like in person, look at it this way- during that back-and-forth time, the guy is going to be more "into" you than maybe normal so he can get to that first meeting.

When there's no chemistry, poof, it's ghost time. "But he wrote such great emails!" you might say... well, yeah, but without the chemistry he's just not going to bother anymore.

So meeting early helps the WOMEN, too, because it saves them from those "what the heck is this guy doing" thoughts when the guy disappears like smoke in the wind.

Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 9:53am

Mark, I totally agree, and it works for women, too. I've gone out with guys who, on paper, I should swoon over, & I do before I meet them. But when I do...nothing. I think to myself: he's handsome, intelligent & witty, but the chemistry isn't there. Of course, those are the times when the gorgeous guy is into me. It seems when I do feel that spark, he's not. UGH!

Oh well, I'll keep on trying.

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