No communication?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
No communication?
21
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 1:57am

Okay, I'm in my mid30's, with two kids in elementary school. I met a guy online, on a message board, and we started chatting. Fast forward 6 months, and it got to the point where we started flirting and admitted we may like each other.

So, we met and things were great. He called several times a week, or I called him, we talked on Facebook, we went out once a week at least, etc. Now he's having trouble with his ex-wife and her custody schedule. They have 50/50 custody, but he's been having his child about 90% of the time. Obviously this has cut into our dating time.

There's a few other things that are bugging me, though. I just don't know if this is normal, or not, as this is only my second post-divorce relationship (in 8 years). I took a break from dating because I had a serious illness (now resolved), and just wanted to give my kids stability. So, I'm new to this online dating stuff as well.

The thing that bugs me is, although I'm understanding with his (hopefully temporary) custody issues and us having to put the breaks on seeing each other as much as we were. However, my issue is that, he just goes off and stops texting/emailing on a whim. He never calls anymore. The only time he called was once in the past month when he had a prank call and thought it was me (long story). We used to text a LOT at first. Now he can go a few days without answering my texts (if he doesn't answer after 2, I stop...I don't want to bug him). He doesn't even email me anymore about his day, or anything. WE used to discuss EVERYTHING via email before we met, just general stuff, things we liked...EVERYTHING. Now, he calls me his "girlfriend", but we've not had the "exclusive" talk. I don't refer to him as my boyfriend at all. Never have. He has told his child about me, though. And has told several family members about me. I'm just so perplexed by his behavior.

Maybe I just need to come out and ask him what the heck his idea of what our "relationship" is. He has said he's not seeing anyone else, but that's it. He's a really nice guy and I really like him, but...I can't stand the not knowing why he just drops off the face of the earth. He even sent me a text and admitted "going dark" on me for a 2 day period and said he was sorry for not answering my texts. He was away for the weekend, but had told me to please keep in contact when he left (we had a date right before he left).

What do you more experienced people think? I don't even know how to ask a guy about this stuff. I feel like such an idiot sometimes not knowing how things work anymore. Yikes. I feel like I'm back in high school again or something. :/

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 07-11-2010 - 11:20pm

I recently had an issue where my BF was, I felt, pulling away. However, he did respond to texts and emails, even if it took, to me, forever (meaning a couple of HOURS...not days). He has a lot on his plate, and has 50/50 custody of teenagers. But he found time to see me many times a week, even if it was just for an hour or two.

I did date a guy for 5 months who had custody of his kids and used them as an excuse CONSTANTLY. He only got a babysitter once, the whole time we dated. On the other hand, he never took into account that I had kids, too. And I could make the time to see him, even though I have kids 24/7. You can't coddle this man. If he wants to see you, he will. If he wants to see you even though he is 'going into his cave' or 'rubberbanding' or whatever nonsense we are supposed to believe about "man time", then he's the real deal. If he strings you along with promises of "later", worry about YOU and find someone who WILL move mountains to be with you.

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