No Holiday sharing

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
No Holiday sharing
16
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 3:48pm

I didn't see my post, so hopefully I'm not making a double here, anyway was wondering

if not sharing the holidays with your bf and not hearing from them (except for Christmas and only after complaining) if this is in any scenario neutral news?

I've talked since February with a guy who pursued me from an matchmaking site, we became very close September and met November 2005, I started a huge fight about it and we've broken up, I ended up writing mean things that I'm sorry for but still feel annoyed about the holidays thing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 8:16pm
Hi,
After dating him most of the year, I don't believe it was unreasonable to expect to spend a good deal of holiday time together. I am not sure how old either of you are, but I would have dumped him too. (age 45). I suppose if I were a younger adult 18-20 when relationships generally progress slower, I might be a bit more patient if he had to spend his time at Mom and Dad's or Grammy's, but then why wouldn't you go there together?
JMO
E
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 9:38pm

My story -

My parents got engaged in November, wedding was planned for April (years ago, obviously). They went to their respective parents houses for Christmas, and my dad never called her. She was mad, but got over it. It happens. Men think different things are important. I don't know, I'm not sure I would have dumped a guy over it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 10:53pm

Hi. It sounds like you and I are going through almost the same thing!

My boyfriend didn't call me on Christmas (I called him) even though I was spending the holidays in another state with my family but he did actually call me on New Years. I figure it's a good thing that he calls me at all. :)

Do you still see him and/or keep in contact? If so, all I can say is hang in there and good luck! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 11:01pm
OK, so you've really only been dating about a month although you've chatted online for almost a year, right? IMO, you overreacted a bit. Although you have been chatting for some time, your IRL relationship is was only about a month old at that point. Yes, he probably should have called on Christmas, but he didn't. Do you like him well enough to overlook what was likely an oversight early on in your real relationship? If so, you need to let it go, ask him WHY he didn't call you and see if you can for give him. If you don't think you can let it go, well, that's that. I suggest you look at how he's treated you until this point. Has he usually been thoughtful and considerate? Is this an isolated incident? You might want to think before you dump.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 2:13am
Most of the feedback I've gotten about this are along the lines of he must be a player or not interested in me as he professes, etc and it's too late, I've already overreacted which he had a negative response to partly because I've overreacted before. I said some mean things including "F____ off" that I really regret he actually was conciliatory when I apologized and said I loved him, but since my anger wasn't out of my system and he wasn't responding nicely to my concerns, I shot off more angry words (all via messenger) to the point of no return, he said he'd block me so I emailed him an apology and that I loved him and would miss him. I'm heartbroken.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2005
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 9:04am
Oh my goodness. I think this one's a goner. This is why being online forever and not meeting in real life gets crazy. You have a false sense of what the relationship really is. He probably thought you were just a chick he was dating, nothing serious. Whereas you thought it was full blown relationship. Next time meet in real life as soon as possible so you know what page you're on.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:56pm

She posted about their first meeting a while back...this is the guy who basically insisted she give him oral sex on their first meeting. I don't think "thoughtful and considerate" are words that would describe him or his behavior.

I think the OP is better off broken up with him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 6:48pm

Ahh, thanks for the reminder. I'd forgotten about that.

I also agree with ridecowboy. It's never a good idea to continue on too long without meeting. Also, never a good idea to text message in anger. Well, or text message at any time really when you are having a serious relationship conversation.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 8:09pm
Thank you, Sheri :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 10:21pm

Maybe anger management classes are in need. I think besides overreacting, saying hurtful things aren't something easily forgiven with a quick sorry and I love you.

I think learning better ways to communicate would be helpful for the future.

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