The no response

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
The no response
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 9:01pm

I am newer to OLD. I have dabbled in it before but never actually meet anyone off of it until more recently. That relationship ended after 5 months and overall was success regardless if it didnt work out.

Well I am on a paid site that forwards matches based on common interests. Two of the matches went back and forth via email for last two weeks with basically dying off few days ago. One must have not liked something I said and did not respond and the other just was really going nowhere and I lost interest. I blocked two and am now down to two left. One remaining is nice but after going back and forth has not asked offline yet. He will get the boot as of next week. The other one I am actually  extremely interested in yet has basically written me the least out of any of the four matches. Yet his first message was the most sincere out of all. He basically said he thought I was absolutely beautiful and was sure I got a lot of messages ( I do but most are deleted) but if I'd like to talk he was definitely interested. I wrote back following day thanking him for the compliment and also wrote that I had visited his city before and commented how beautiful the area is. He lives a few states away. It wasn't overly thought out and it was sort of just rushed back. I saw he looked at it next day and then no response for until he wrote me back following weekend at 4am two words "Morning Beautiful."  I thought by that time definitely no interest. But i wrote him back  "Hope you're enjoying your weekend." I saw he read it four days later.  It has been a week now and I was thinking of just sending something flirty his way to let him know I am interested and do find him my type --which I guess should have done right off the bat. He owns his own business and travels but with smartphone I dont think there is really a legit reason for such lag in response other than no interest or thinking I am not overly interested.  Should I be doing something differently with my e-mails?. I work corporate and email business all day. I think my emails come off sort of too to the point and no nonsense.

Any pointers thanks....Also, what are you thoughts on either visiting his page show that it comes up on his viewed profiles or emailing something short but flirty to show one last attempt of interest before i block this one out as well. As of now it has been a week ugh




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2009
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 7:11pm

I agree that you should try to connect with someone at least in your own state.  Men who are far away (or say they are) are often married, in a relationship, or just diddling around with women online and they have a million excuses why they can't meet in person.  Usually a waste of time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Wed, 10-16-2013 - 9:30am
He's probably written to women nationwide telling them they are beautiful in order to determine how many egos he can play to and therefore have them fall for that type of line. Then it takes time to prioritize the responses. "Self employed"? That's online-speak for unemployed. 4am email? You're an afterthought. Looks like picture or actually has much truth in profile/emails? Even more doubtful.
If you're online for pen pals or occasional hookups, then keep corresponding with out of state people. Some people really thrive on having a fantasy, he can tell you all kinds of things and due to the lack of actual face-to-face contact, this can go on for a long time.
Otherwise, stick to ones more local so that either you meet them fairly soon or can move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 8:06pm

Iam also not a fan of long distance because I think it rarely works out & someone has to spend a lot of time & expense.  Maybe if he traveled to your state, it would be ok.  I think if a guy doesn't respond in a week you can basically write him off as not being interested and sending him an email is probably not going to strike up his interest again.

I have to add that telling you that you are beautiful does not strike me as sincere--it strikes me as the sign of a guy who is a player and probably has 10 women that he is emailing at the same time.  From my experience w/ OLD (which I really stopped doing) the guys who I actually ended up meeting IRL and who were decent guys, even though they didn't turn out to be boyfriends, were the ones who acted the least flirty and the most like just normal people trying to get to know someone.  And they would agree to a meeting within a couple of weeks.  I am not into endless emails which is another reason why OLD is not that great--if the guy is close by, there is no excuse not to meet, but if they are far away, it might be hard realistically to get them to fly out or drive a long distance until the emails & phone calls have gone on for a long time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:54pm

Several states away?  Don't waste your time.  Never works out.  

In general, don't let email correspondence drag on for more than 2 weeks.  Ask him to meet you for 'coffee', don't wait for him to ask you!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Sun, 10-13-2013 - 5:44am

You're right and that is exactly what I have been thinking as well. Honestly, I think I am just getting a bit shy about it considering his level of success/profession and the fact that attraction wise he is 100% my type; more so than most of the men I dated "real world" in last two yrs. I'll try to craft together something witty today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 9:29pm

Email him. What have you got to lose? The worst that could happen is he ignores you-right?