No Responses on Match at All

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
No Responses on Match at All
14
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:05pm

I have been on match for about 3 months now. I updated my profile and didn't get too wordy, just the basics. My title is Horses, Motorcycles, Cars... My profile says I am separated as the state I live in you have to wait until 1 year to get the final decree, however after May 8. I am done in court.

I send winks, I send emails, I send both and nothing. I don't think I'm picky people not interested. I mostly pick people to reply to that have horses and or motorcycles in their interests. I have also noticed that some people will talk and talk via email to you then just drop off the face of the earth.

What am I doing wrong? I haven't had any winks or emails in over a month.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:14pm
What's your id - I can't find you in a keyword search.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:18pm
JBHorsewoman is my profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 4:45pm

1. Should use 3 photos - head, body, candid - there is also a problem with your profile because your photo is not displayed on the regular page which is why you aren't coming up in searches perhaps? I'd guess it may be because you tried to make the bike your lead and it was only approved for a secondary?

2. More specifics - your opening is the same as everyone elses -- you really need to elaborate on where and how you like to ride. What you do for fun on the weekend. Where you like to go. Name places. Share experiences. That forms connections with people.

3. Separated is probably a flag to some guys (I don't go there)

Overally my amateur opinion is you need a picture in your profile - change back to your regular photo. Add 2 more (full length and candid). Rework the profile for specifics.

Here's my text to give you an idea of what I mean by specifics. Mine is geared to moms with kids near the age of mine - which is who I think I match up with best - use specifics to attract people you have something in common with. I regularly prune stuff out that doesn't get mentioned by someone and leave in things that people ask about:

About me and who I'd like to date

My kids bring home several art masterpieces from school every day. I live in fear of the refrigerator falling forward from the weight, trapping me underneath. I don’t dare throw the pictures out because my 5 year old twins -- who haven’t once located their hats, scarves, mittens, shoes, boots, library books, homework or coats this entire winter -- instantly spot the discarded artwork. Even though it doesn’t seem like it - life is more than kids and endless searches for clean public restrooms or lost clothing. My kids are with me 50%. When they aren't with me you'll never find me in a bar or on a Harley – instead I'll be at their gymnastics (watching – not participating) or unwinding at a nice restaurant. I have a weakness for 80’s band nostalgia tours (think Hall and Oates, KC, VH, Eddie Money, Duran Duran). I enjoy walking or hiking (I'd take the kids but it would be called carrying) and just completed a group hike of the entire Appalachian Trail in CT. A year ago on Monadnock we saw a moose, a stray snake, a deer and one set of badly decomposed men's underpants. I just completed a SCUBA class and was surprised that floating is the hardest skill to master. To unwind I read books or listen to audiotapes from Brian Tracy or Wayne Dyer. I love dining at the Max restaurants or attending shows at the Bushnell or Oakdale (this summer was Hall and Oates, Barney and The Wiggles). A few years ago Cirque du Soleil in Hartford was amazing and I just got my Varekai tickets for July. My Match should be seeking a long term monogamous relationship. If she was skilled at un-tangling Barbie’s hair from the power seat adjustment of a Ford Explorer -- that would be a nice bonus but not absolutely required.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 9:07pm

A) No picture. You've got them below, but in the main part of your profile no picture comes up.

B) Don't email endlessly. Couple of emails, ask them to meet you, if they don't want to then move on. Anything else is just a waste of your time/energy.

C) "Separated" equals "still married". Yes, you're really over him, it's just a legal/technical matter, blah blah blah. You're still married, and that's going to turn some guys (who are sticks in the mud about it, like me) off.

Don't get me wrong- until you're actually divorced, you should put "separated"; lying about it or putting "no answer" is worse than putting the truth. But just know that the truth makes your situation a hard one for many guys.

D) Like LG said, your main profile text doesn't really tell us much about *you*. You sound like a pretty interesting gal with a lot going on from the follow-on answers in the rest of the profile, but let's face it- lots of people are "window shopping" when they're doing OLD and so your first bit has to grab some attention.

E) I'll try and put this gently- the picture that you do have is not the most flattering picture in the world. I could go into detail of why, but instead just trust me- you need a better picture. In fact, I'd stick with LG's suggestion and get THREE good shots- head shot, full body, candid/action/motion/doingsomething shot.

My suggestions for you:

Wait until you're divorced. That's just me, but I'm a believer that anyone who's married (no matter how long they've been separated) is STILL MARRIED, and therefore ineligible to be dating.

Get some good pictures. Get a friend who can actually take a picture and let them rip with a digital camera- the beauty of those things is that you can snap all day long, shoot 100 pictures, and if 99 of them stink they're deleted without it costing a penny. Ask a guy friend to help you pick a good picture, too- what you might think is good/bad, a guy might see differently. (Try to make it a straight guy, if possible!)

Rework that profile text. You want to try and jump off the screen as much as possible. Go online and search for women your age in your area; read their text; and then whatever they do, DON'T do that.

You seem like an interesting, smart, funny (I liked the "I have a business and spend a lot of time praying" line- at least I think you meant it to be a bit funny!) woman who has quite a bit to offer. Capture that!

Finally... fall in love with yourself. Not in an egotistical "MeMeMe" way, but in a quality way. I don't know if you are or aren't, but an author I read recently put it very well in saying that the glow that we have when we're loved is one we can have ALL the time, so long as we love ourselves!

Then keep reading in here about OLD. Meet early, don't waste tons of time with emails/phonecalls/IMs. Blech. Don't be too picky, be willing to extend your comfort zone a bit. Don't be afraid to challenge yourself a bit! Have fun and be yourself when you meet guys; if you get all nervous and freaked out, that's not really you. (Unless you're nervous and freaked out in day-to-day life, in which case that's exactly how you should be. LOL)

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 4:10pm

A possible "red flag" for could be the religious aspects you put on your profile.

Some guys are turned off a bit with women that are extremely religious.

I have had some dates with women that were very very religious and usually if you are of a differing religion, belief system, whatever, there are ultimately problems and barriers to any possibility of something long-term happening.

My last girlfriend was using her ultra-religious parents to keep us from having anything long-term. She wouldn't even mention she was dating "a heathen" like me to them. There is no chance for something really meaningful if you are going to be kept a secret the whole time you are seeing them.

So usually if there is anything "extra" in a womans profile about religion, that sends up a possible flag for me to be wary.

Bryan

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 5:27pm
I am a retired high school writing teacher, and I just want to compliment you on the profile you wrote (a segment of which was copied in the previous post). Your profile just oozes style and charisma. I don't know how many women are responding to you, but I would think the profile would attract quite a few.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 6:40pm
wgb1264 is the match id if you want the full effect. I'm a good writer but a loser in person...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 8:16pm

Well, online dating sites are perfect environments for good writers, which puts you at a big, BIG advantage over guys that can't express themselves in writing. Of the older men that I have become involved with during my venture into online dating, only one has had a profile that was so well done it totally bowled me over. So I wrote him and told him that I wasn't interested in him socially, but I sure did admire his humor and his writing ability. He wrote back, and even though we live 500 miles apart, we have become friends and send emails every few weeks, which I suppose sounds like no fun at all to you younger people, but he's a neat guy and I enjoy writing to him and hearing from him. He lives in the town where my son lives, so we will visit back and forth once in awhile. Most older men online are absolutely thrown for a loop at writing their profiles and many of them come up with something like, "I really hate doing this and don't know how, but I'm a nice guy." And that, of course, tells you absolutely nothing.

Anyway, lg, I plan to read your whole profile when I have a little more time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 9:39pm
LG...You have the BEST proifles...ever! You are NOT a loser. I would love to read the whole thing but I'm not a memeber at Match anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 9:54pm
Non members can read any profile via the search menu -- just type the entire profile ID.

Pages