no sleeping over with guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
no sleeping over with guys?
47
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 7:29pm

now ive never faced this in my entire life with guys ive either had a hook-up with or dated casually... but the last two guys have been totally anti-sleepover?! whats up wtih that?

guy i just met last night from match (who is great, i like him thus far) didnt sleep over last night just like B, bach #1. at least this guy was honest about it and upfront. He just cant sleep when its someone hes not close with. So ok that is fine. But ive never faced that in my entire dating life? How strange is it? do you all face it?

also, i'd like to add we didnt do anything last night and he was respectful of me by not even trying! but its just strange how these guys have such a hard time sleeping over????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:36am
It's not even just a safety issue. I don't want a stranger in my bed, specially all night, and having to see him in the morning? Geez, take one day at a time, one date a time!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:49am

LG, ROFLMAO


I dated a guy who farted LOUDLY, SEVERAL TIMES in bed the FIRST time he slept over!!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 11:55am
As I hang my head in shame, I confess: I've done this three times.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 2:05pm

I don't think you should be ashamed but rather just consider yourself very lucky that the worst you had to deal with was a guy that turned out to be a one night stand with a jealous girlfriend and a one with less than desirable hygiene. Take it from someone that in her younger and more naive days was not so lucky. When I was 21, I got into a situation when I went home with a guy that I knew slightly from work. I got in over my head and the situation was way out of my control. Your safety - especially in these days of OLD where you "meet" someone online, chat a few times and then meet in person - is not a matter to take lightly. You really know nothing about these people until you spend time with them and one night is not the kind of time I am talking about.

So please ladies, young and naive or not, please be careful with yourselves. You might feel safe with someone, but it is much better to wait to get to know someone before going home with them or inviting them to your house. If he is worth it, he will wait. If not, you don't want him anyway.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 3:35pm

thanks gals and guys.

i have pretty good instincts. my roommate was there anyhow. so its no biggie and my guy friend was within mins of me.

usually dont have guys over, sometimes that i just met. i do use caution most of the time. But i think nothing o fsleeping over? i really dont think its such an intimate thing? i dont know where that comes from w/ people? different stroke for different ppl. Totally respect the advice, but i dont really agree with it.

i must be from mars. cuz ive never had such a problem with sleeping over. its one night? who the hell cares?

honestly, i have not faced this until now. strange! but i guess this is pretty common. learn somethin' new everyday!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 5:17pm

Well, on my first online date I drove a long way to meet her. We went to eat and to a late movie, so it was midnight before we got back to her apartment. She pretty much insisted that I stay at her place, even though I told her I planned on getting a hotel room. She was very sweet about it and said I shouldn't have to spend any more money, so I took her up on the offer. I slept out on her couch and left early the next morning.

My point is, I would agree with everyone that it's not safe to have a guy you don't know stay at your place - but it's one of those weird things where you make an exception if it's *you*... lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 6:06pm
Geez Eric - where've you been? I tried emailing you but the email address associated with your profile still doesn't work.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 8:27pm
Farting in bed... I think I'd save that for marriage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 9:59pm

<>

YOU SHOULD! This is not just a personal issue, it is a safety issue. I don't care if your roommate was there (in my situation, a good friend was in the living room, not 20 feet away), I don't care that a guy friend is minutes away (who says you can get to a phone or that it will will take more than a few minutes anyway). SG, THIS IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY!!!!! You are so nonchalant about this and you should not be! Yes, chances are, nothing will happen, but you do not know because you don not know these people! It is an intimacy issue for some but it is a safety issue for all. You might not agree with the advice, but for God's sake take it from someone that has been there. I thought I could trust this guy too. I couldn't. I didn't know until I was way over my head.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 01-29-2005 - 10:05pm

I'm going to stand up for SG here. The fact is that most people are NOT vicious serial killers, and the odds are that she's going to be safe in her place with her roomie there.

Yes, we might all be reading about a horrible weird killing in the Bay Area someday, two roommates, but the odds are against it.

And like several here have pointed out, one-night-stands and sleepovers DO happen. I've done it, and I'm not a psycho serial killer dude.

SG, I do think that there is absolutely nothing at all wrong with these guys for them not wanting to sleep over. As you said, different strokes for different folks; perhaps they are from the line of thinking that says sleeping over is even more intimate than sex.

The bigger question is whether or not you think you could be with a guy, over the long term, who thinks like that.