no sleeping over with guys?
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no sleeping over with guys?
| Fri, 01-28-2005 - 7:29pm |
now ive never faced this in my entire life with guys ive either had a hook-up with or dated casually... but the last two guys have been totally anti-sleepover?! whats up wtih that?
guy i just met last night from match (who is great, i like him thus far) didnt sleep over last night just like B, bach #1. at least this guy was honest about it and upfront. He just cant sleep when its someone hes not close with. So ok that is fine. But ive never faced that in my entire dating life? How strange is it? do you all face it?
also, i'd like to add we didnt do anything last night and he was respectful of me by not even trying! but its just strange how these guys have such a hard time sleeping over????

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>>The fact is that you cannot be too careful especially in this world of casual online meetings. God, why the hell can't you people understand that it doesn't matter how good you think your instincts are or that the "odds are against it"?<<
LOL I understand perfectly well.
The point is that if we let our fears rule our lives, we wouldn't ever leave the house.
If we don't take the risk of dying in a plane crash, we never fly to Europe. If we never take the risk of being in an automobile (or train or bus or rickshaw) accident, we don't travel any further than we can walk.
I believe in keeping expectations low... but if we never risk some pain, we never have love.
You CAN be too careful. If you are too careful, you sit in your house or apartment and you never do anything at all.
Life involves risk. That cannot be disputed. Love, finding love, being in love, involves risk. That cannot be disputed.
The question, then, isn't whether or not it involves risk- there is no way, NONE, that you can ensure that you are never ever at risk. It can't be done.
The question is what level of risk are you comfortable assuming?
SG is a smart woman. She knows she's assuming risk, and she's comfortable with it. It might seem madness to the rest of us, but personally I am convinced she knows what she's doing and the risk she is taking, and that she is comfortable with that level of risk.
She knows she could wind up sliced, diced, and pureed by some psycho's Ginzu knives. She also knows that the odds of this are tremendously incredibly low, and that they're further lowered by having a roommate. So she's willing to accept that risk.
You ask why the hell people can't understand that?
I'd ask why don't you understand that she might get it but still make a different decision than you would in that instance?
I think a better question for SurferGirl is this one:
SurferGirl, if you have not been finding success that you desire by doing things the way you are now, why do you keep doing things that way?
Do not make fun or light of what happened to me. I do NOT appreciate your 'LOL' when I am speaking from personal experience about a situation that got out of my control. I would call you a really horrible name right now for being so cavalier about this, but I don't want to get kicked off the board for a jerk like you.
I do NOT let fear control my life. I leave the house - I have many friends, have had many relationships and taken many risks (both in love and in other situations) since I PERSONALLY experienced this situation. Perhaps you can be too careful, but you can also be far too trusting. I am not disputing whether or not SG is a smart woman or not. I am sure she is. But I don't think she does realize the risk she is putting herself in by inviting guys she hardly knows to her apartment. It is very difficult to know until it happens to you. I just don't want to see this happen to someone else. If she is willing to risk her life and possibly getting raped, fine. I can't stop her. I just try to help other people by sharing my experience when I was a naive, trusting person. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come back from something like that. It is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.
I am sorry if you thought I was making fun of you. I didn't recall something happened to you, and I don't know what that something is, beyond a very non-specific "situation got out of my control". I think (as guys so often do with women) that you're getting upset at me for something I have no clue about.
When I used "you" in that most-recent post, I didn't mean you-vexer; I meant "you" as in people in general. Go back, re-read it, and see if it makes more sense that way. I'm not setting out to insult you-vexer.
>>I just try to help other people by sharing my experience when I was a naive, trusting person.<<
But you haven't shared your experience, at least not in this thread and not that I know about- I'm sorry if I missed a thread where you did tell it.
In this thread, all you said was that you went home with some guy and things "got out of my control", despite a friend being 20 feet away (and what kind of friend lets something happen to someone if they're that close?). What's that ("out of control") mean? How the heck are we supposed to know unless you tell us?
I don't really care if you tell us in this thread; if it's something deeply personal and you don't want to share, then don't. Email SG privately- she's a decent enough person that she'll appreciate you taking the time and caring about her enough to do so.
But don't you dare make me out to be some kind of big jerk when you haven't told us diddly-squat about what happened to you. That's a method for you to play the victim, which means someone's got to be the bad guy, and I don't deserve that part.
>>>I'm going to stand up for SG here. The fact is that most people are NOT vicious serial killers, and the odds are that she's going to be safe in her place with her roomie there.
Most people don't die in auto accidents either. But I always wear my seatbelt...
This whole thread is just weird. I will never "sleep over" at a guy's house I do not know again because one time I got my butt handed to me. It just takes one time to smarten up. So hopefully nothing ever happens to SG but it's just not smart.
Lisa
I have to agree with Vexer -- it's just not wise to have a guy stay overnight with you when you have just met.
>> If we don't take the risk of dying in a plane crash, we never fly to Europe. If we never take the risk of being in an automobile (or train or bus or rickshaw) accident, we don't travel any further than we can walk. <<
This is just not a fair comparison, NGOL. The difference here is *necessary* risk. People *have* to travel in most cases, be it to their job, to see their friends & family, and to go on vacation, etc. It's certainly possible to meet a good guy and get to know him -- even eventually marry him -- without taking the *unnecessary* risk of having him sleep over when you don't know him well.
The argument is especially true because we are dealing with the Internet. Sexual predators love the Internet, because it's so easy. If they are not able to meet up with someone, then there's no harm done -- no risk -- because the woman never really knew *anything* about them. They move on.
Just think about it -- is there any situation more inviting for a nutjob sexual predator than for a woman to invite him into her home for a night!? She is locked in the same house with him!
I just go back to my original point - there is really not a good reason to do this. Sure, once you get to know the guy better you can have him stay over -- otherwise it's just not a good idea.
Eric
I definitely agree with the safety rules, even though I haven't always followed them.
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