No spark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
No spark
8
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 4:20pm

Ok, on other posts I've mentioned the guy I met last Monday who is a nice guy, but there's no spark. I've been thinking about it over the weekend and other cases where I've either made excuses or said there was no spark. In most cases, I think I really have been right on - if I said there was no spark and there REALLY was no spark, I didn't find myself getting over it. If I said there was no spark, but in reality it was my fear talking and my stomach did flips when I thought about him or when the guy gave me a hug, it turned out to be a LTR of some sort. When this guy tried to kiss me last week and I turned my head to give the cheek, there were no stomach flips or heart pitter-patters, I just wanted to wipe the feel of his kiss off my cheek!

But given my track record of picking out guys, I wonder if I should maybe give someone a shot that I might not normally. He seems very into me, but I just don't feel the same.

Anyhoo, I am WAY overanalyzing, but how long do you wait for the spark? How many chances do you give it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 5:37pm
I'm sure others will disagree with me, but if the guy has zero physical appeal, then chances are pretty good that any spark isn't likely to happen down the road. At least that's been the case for me. I have met guys who weren't what I'd call really good looking, but they had personalities that made up for what lacked in the looks dept. I think it depends on the person and their personality. I just know usually by the second date (if not the first) if there isn't any spark. But I also know that "spark" isn't just about looks, it's the whole package and sometimes it just doesn't work out. Knowing when to trust your instincts is the thing here. For me, I couldn't go out with someone I had zero attraction for just so I could say I was dating someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 5:50pm

Well, it's not like he grosses me out, but it's more just meh - nothing there. I agree with you that many times, I have met a guy that might not be traditionally handsome, but his personality, sense of humor and things we have in common make the attraction grow.

I guess I just wonder since it has only been one date, do I try again or do I blow it off since I don't see it changing?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 5:53pm

I would not see someone again whose kiss made me want to wipe my face!

I will see someone again if I'm unsure about *how much* of a spark there is...but I have to at least be able to *imagine* kissing the guy, without feeling squeamish.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 6:11pm

actually i have always questioned this myself. because of all the guys i had amazing chemistry w/they were all unstable not good for me guys

the ones that were more stable/ more "boring".. were the ones i never had a big spark off the bat ..

i have asked some people/my dentist and others that are married what is was like for them.. and some have replied no sparks right off the bat, but much better that way as it grew but much more potential for a stable long term r'ship..

again i have trouble w/ this myself wondering what if there is someone w/all that passion spark and also stable. i have yet to find it and I only know a few that have it or had it right away.. i think it takes a few dates at least to get to know someone.

i guess also it's what important to you. do you need all the sparks vs. stability?

or would you prefer someone stable w/ less sparks?

it's all in the opinion of you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 6:23pm

Can't I have both? ;-)

But yeah, that's my problem. Anyone that there have been sparks with, has wound up being bad for me in the long run. But I think maybe there's happy medium. I'm not saying I need huge fireworks right away, but I also don't want to rub my face every time I remember him trying to kiss me (which I do right now). It's not that he totally repulsed me, but do I want to kiss this guy back? No.

But your reasons are exactly why I question it. Do I give it one more chance? The mroe it goes on, I don't want to! He'll try to kiss me again! I don't want him to kiss me.

Also the problem is that until next week, I am swamped - out of town Wednesday (getting ready tonight and tomorrow), Harry Potter premiere Thursday, party on Friday and football game Saturday. Then the next week is Thanksgiving. I'm making excuses and feel like just as if a guy is "into" us, he'd make time, I figure if I were "into" this guy at all and felt like giving it a chance, I'd make the time.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 6:39pm

One date in my book "now" would be enough to write him off. Let me tell you about my experience, I went out with a guy on 3 dates, the first one was ok, he was trying to impress me, which he did, but no kiss, agreed to see him a second time. We met again, this time we kissed, he was trembling and his kisses were sloppy, not my kind of kiss. Anyhow, I thought to myself he was just nervous. Gave him a third try, kissed me again, no way, I did not enjoy it. I still get shivers just thinking about it, yuk!

Just say no thank you, once it's enough!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 7:04pm

Ultimately, what you decide to do is up to you, but I suggest that you let the lad go.

When the right man comes along, he will provide both sparks and stability. They're not mutually exclusive! : )

Would you want to go out with a guy who felt like wiping your kisses off? No, right?

I guess you could try a second date with the guy and see if a spark does develop.

Or if not, cancel any future dates that you may have planned with him or simply tell him "I just don't feel the chemistry between us." I don't want to put words in your mouth but from what you wrote, it sure seems that way. : )

Follow your heart and intuition.

Best of luck and keep us posted please!!

Meade

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
In reply to: vexer_hw
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 7:38pm

its one thing to have no sparks and not want to kiss someone or the very thought of it, is not something you feel good about doing

another thing w/ little sparks and wondering how they kiss.and when they do its a turn on.. and there are little sparks

that can grow more the other can not :(