Is this normal? (long!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Is this normal? (long!)
26
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 3:46am

So this is long and confusing, I apologize in advance! Ok, a little background on me.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 7:03am

This is a good question I'm wondering about too!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 10:56am

I don't like the word "normal", because it implies that anything besides one certain way of doing things is "not normal".


So, taking that word out, it's certainly customary to not be exclusive for some period of time after meeting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2004
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 11:38am

YES, YES, YES...You should absolutely date as many men as possible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 11:52am

Sorry, I disagree with this. If you click with someone, and neither of you want to date anyone else, there is no point in checking out alternatives. That's a grass is greener thing that I just don't get about people my age. I love my boyfriend (who I met online), and yes, after our first date, I decided to give it a few weeks of not dating anyone else, just because I simply didn't have the time or energy to date around. I wanted to see where things went with him. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Oh, but I also bought my car without test driving it at all, so...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 4:28pm

Unfortunately, Scarlett, first thing most women learn in OLD is that men lie, and lie a lot. That true for dating in general, believe in what he does not what he says (unless he is telling you he doesn't want a relationship and such). So painting-shaminting. Believe it when you see it.

I met my fiance online, after quite spending quite bit of time, money and heartache on OLD. It took me a long while to believe he was for real and he was not going anywhere.

We became exclusive after about one month. I didn't want to ask sooner, because I didn't want to seem desperate or for him to take me for granted. Not that he would have, I was just badly burnt before. I also had another guy I sort-of dated during that month. Main reason for the backup was my ease of mind. It made me a lot more relaxed and secure knowing I had someone on the back burner. Even though we had only one date (he wanted more but I kept putting off the second one) my fiance, to this day, gets a little mad about that other guy. But, secretly, I think he likes the fact that he "won"

To stop rambling on, here are my few pointers.
* Limit your time with this guy, date and phone wise. No need for you two to talk for hours every night.
*MAKE time to meet/date other people. It doesn't have to get physical, and you can keep it as light as you want, but do go out with other men.
*Do not over analyze what they say, and take it one date at a time...
*This is unwritten rule of OLD - do not discuss dating other people. "I have friends I do things with" will suffice. Do not ask about his dating stuff
* Ideally, discuss exclusivity before getting sexual.
Good luck... and stick to this board :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 5:03pm

*Five months and only now starting to act like a boyfriend*

Can you explain this please--I think it might help me

I have been dating a guy....two months then we stopped talking....and then started dating again in April...so I guess its hard to say we have dated four months---maybe more like 2 and 1/2. Anyways....he has been very causal about the whole thing and it feels like I am considered just a close friend he is sexually attracted to. I discussed the girlfriend thing earlier on and thats kinda why we stopped talking---he said he wants to take it slow and doesn't want to ruin how everything is going. However, I just don't know how long I need to be waiting, maybe he will never change his mind. I took my POF profile down and he said he checked on there b/c the site emails him so much when he gets a message---but I admit I have been checking on him and he is on there every day. He said he isn't looking for anyone else and likes me.....but it doesn't seem like it. Wouldn't he have decided by now if I am girlfriend material....just would like your perspective..

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 8:33pm

Thanks to everyone who responded!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 10:37pm

What I mean

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2004
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 11:26pm

Tewey2008-

The guy I am dating doesn't seem emotionally available...at least that's what it feels like. He rarely tells how he feels, other than he had fun last night or something. We see each other 1-2 times a week...and almost all communication is through text (which I do not really like). I feel like I am not a priority (example: He was playing Wii with his friend today and I said that sounds like fun--then he says at 10:15pm that his friend is leaving and I should come over and play Wii with him--that makes me think of booty call not someone he thought of inviting over before his friend)....and sometimes I feel like I am getting too serious about it all especially when he doesn't seem to be. To me it seems normal to start getting serious after about 3 months...am I wrong? Problem is I am starting to fall for him....I kept telling myself not to b/c he wanted to go slow. My big problem is now trust----is he lying about not looking for other girls? If he's been on POF EVERYDAY (at least since I have started checking)--that tells me he is lying to me. I really don't want to be hurt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2009
Wed, 06-03-2009 - 5:51am

Im in a bit of that realm of questioning right now as well.


Its been a bit over 3 months Ive been seeing HC. We hit it off amazingly well, & quickly began talking daily, & seeing one another

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