Not decent guys found in OLD
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Not decent guys found in OLD
| Wed, 06-22-2005 - 5:26pm |
I was dating a guy from OLD, we had four dates, at the end of the date, he was making sexual insinuations, I told him that I needed to know him more and trust him before I get involved that way. He said he understood and he will not push me, we'll get intimate when I am ready. Well, we have had a good time all four dates and we seemed to be connecting, he would call me every other day and was staying in touch constantly. After the 4th date, set up a date the following day. I told him I would call him and let him know when I was free to see him, so the next day I left him a msg., I never heard back from him that day, or the following week. A week later he called and he was acting like nothing happened. (By this time, I had forgotten about him, in a way, I had deleted his numbers and moved on) I keep thinking that it was very rude and inappropriate to stood me up like that, I don't deserve a person like that. So we spoke briefly and I asked him if he had called to apologize and he said yes, but I was at work, so could not talk much, so he said he'll call back. It's been two days, he still hasn't called. I saw him online today and he tried chatting, but I was short and did not chat much, then I bloked him, maybe I can push him to call me that way. But I was tempted to tell him to explain himself and stop acting like nothing happened and everything is still swell and dandy. At this point, if he calls again, how do I approach this subject, it seems he's just playing and not taking me seriously? I haven't heard his excuse yet, what happened that day that he didn't even had the decency of canceling our date? Come on this guy is 42 yrs. old, not a little kid!

If you fall off your bike will you get back on - yes, OLD is the same way.
Hi HK,
This happens in OLD, unfortunately. It's all part of getting used to the workings of OLD. There are many unexplained things that happen that you will never get answers to and just have to let it go and move on to the next prospect. You can't dwell on what has happened and try to make sense of it, because many times it just doesn't make sense at all.
After 4 dates or even more, they can ghost like that. There is no guarantee with dating, whether it be through OLD or IRL (in real life) that things will work in dating. It's a screening and weeding process and anything can happen that can make either you or the other person realize it's just not a good thing to pursue.
But the trick is that you can't take things personal with OLD. We all have ideas and preferences of what and who we want in our lives. Sometimes we *think* we want that person, but find out after a few dates (or more) that we really don't. So whether it is you stopping the getting-to-know-eachother process or him, one of you felt it wasn't working. So you have to just accept that and move on to the next prospect.
There is also the possibility that he was mainly looking for sex, as I have found many of them are right away, and so when you let him know it could be awhile before you got to that point, well, he moved on to someone more cooperative, but that doesn't necessarily mean he wasn't interested in you - you just had different agendas in what you wanted. Would you want a man who was mainly interested in sex? If you are looking for casual sex, then that would be fine, but it sounds to me that you aren't.
I find that men who play these games with not calling are generally not really that much into me and that is ok, because I wouldn't want them in my life if they weren't going to make me a priority anyway! So I feel that they did me a favor and revealed how they really felt or possibly how they really are in treating a person, so I saved myself time in not getting involved with and inevitably ending it with a person who was truly not right for me.
There are decent guys in OLD, but you have to do a lot of weeding and first meets to find a good one! I thought I had a good one this past 1/2 year (met from OLD), but then we ended up not being right for eachother. Does that make either of us bad people, no, just with different agendas of what we want our lives to be like. So I am doing OLD again and rolling with it...
Roll with it also HK! Good luck!
Sunshine
Hi HK,
I'm sorry it was a disappointment. Long distance relationships can be pretty tricky though anyway. It's so easy to let yourself get scenarios going in your mind of what it could turn into and then when it doesn't go anywhere, it can get you down. So I just try not to let myself think of it too much, which is hard to do when things seem so great when you meet.
I recently had a meet like that where he was very cute, nice, polite, we seemed to click, then nothing afterward. Yet he was also new to online dating (divorce had only been final since March), so a new face on the dating site and when that happens they get many responses as they are a fresh face, so then they think well, why should I settle for seeing one girl when I can have my choice of all of these girls! Like the kid in the candy shop. So usually I avoid newly divorced people and the newbie's on the sites, because of these reasons.
Newly divorced people sometimes still have things to work through from their divorce and I'd rather wait to date them when they have worked through their divorce issues and have healed some later. Many of them are very needy right out of a divorce and just want reassurance that they still have what it takes to attract the ladies, and aren't looking at that point for a LTR, like I am. So it's a case of the chemisty maybe being there, but the two of you not looking for the same thing at that point in time.
So it's not only findng someone you click with, but also finding someone that is looking for the same thing that you are, whether it be casual dating or something more involved like a possible LTR.
I'm glad you have the two dates for this weekend, that's good that you are moving along. It can be nerve racking sometimes to do OLD, but it does work for some people and they meet their life partners, I keep hoping I'll be one of them! Good luck this weekend!
Sunshine