Not exactly OLD but need your insight
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| Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:21pm |
I've been in several long term relationships. Nearly got married about 3 times but thankfully backed off, I'm 44 and am glad I haven't gotten married so far. My last relationship ended about 4 years ago. Since I didn't find a new man after my last relationship ended in 2001, I decided to spend my single time wisely and take on some sports and hobbies that would challenge me. Not having a relationship obligation allowed me to take on some wonderful outdoors competitions which I excelled immensely.
I am extremely proud of my accomplishments and have continued to push the envelope regarding the risks I am taking. The more I participate the more I am enjoying myself. Next month I am planning a solo backpacking trip to the Grand Canyon.
I love what I am doing and have decided I don't want to quit. My problem is that I am pretty sure not too many men would put up with a woman who enjoys endurance races in mountains, takes on solo backpacking trips and also does a bunch of other things that would never be deemed as "safe" to the run-of-the-mill American male. A guy I dated awhile back made me promise to stay out of certain neighborhoods because he felt he couldn't "protect" me. When he did that I felt uncomfortable and don't ever want to be constrained like that again.
I enjoy dating and I like men, but I think my ability to practice my favorite sports and hobbies, and be who I am is going to be a dating issue. The men that enjoy doing what I do are few and far between.
Any thoughts?

Just continue to enjoy yourself. You'd only want a man who will appreciate the REAL you anyway. Obviously, you have more energy than some(I have the same issue at age 45), but just wait. If he's out there, you may find him halfway up a mountain, and I hope you do!
E
You just go on and keep doing what you love! Surely there are single men out there just DYING to meet an adventurous woman like yourself! Hey, if a guy is threatened by you, he ain't worthy of you. Actually I think the double standard is kind of funny, men have their dangerous fun stuff like mountain climbing etc, like it's ok for them to do it but not us poor weak lil girls? Puh-leeeeze.
...PS it's funny, I was thinking of going to the Grand Canyon next month too! My boss has ok'd it for me to take off the week of my son's school break and we seriously need a nature vacation! Ever since I heard of it I always wanted to do the burro rides down the canyon...
I'm not nearly as accomplished as you are, but the men who would suit me are just as few and far between, for different reasons. I think that goes for just about everyone. In finding a match it's important to look among like-minded people. And to have a mountain of patience, of course. Oh, and stay away from guys on the internet.
""My problem is that I am pretty sure not too many men would put up with a woman who enjoys endurance races in mountains, takes on solo backpacking trips and also does a bunch of other things that would never be deemed as "safe" to the run-of-the-mill American male.""
I got a good chuckle out of this one. 90% of the males online purport to be looking for someone just like you!
amjay
I have a similar issue that I face - I love to dance.
I think you both (chamey and cgun) are doing exactly what you should be doing. If I didn't have a small child, I'd be doing a lot more skiing, hiking, fiction writing or community service -- the things I'm really interested in. It's just hard to balance work with personal time while giving enough attention to my child as it is, never mind introducing a time-consuming activity. When she's a little older and has her own stuff to do, and I don't have to pay a sitter, I will get to explore my own stuff more.
Chamey, the man you will fall for is the one who embraces and admires your strength and endurance and what you do and finds it powerful and attractive. Same for Stacey -- there will be a guy who thinks your dancing is sexy and skillful and who supports that activity.
Theoretically, these men will also be doing the things you love to do -- at least that is what the conventional wisdom tells us -- but if they aren't, are you going to change who you are and what you love in order to attract one? I think not. Because what if you stop those things you love and STILL don't meet somebody?
PhoenixMama:
If you want to do that burro ride down the Grand Canyon you better reserve it quick.
Those things are usually booked months in advance.
It may be easier to go there now because it is pretty cold in that part of the state.
Have fun!!
I just got my backcountry permits in the mail today. Early spring, in the canyon itself the temp high for February is 62 F and the low is 42 F. Right now the back country permits for hiking can be had but to get the permits for the summer you have to apply 4 months in advance and it turns into a lottery system. Plus it is very very hot.
For the burro ride I guess you have to contact an outfitter.
I just put in an order at Campmor for all my stuff. Yee Haw!!!!!
(I'm probably tainted goods at this point regarding the dating world. No man is going to put up with a woman that comes up with crazy schemes to go hiking solo in the Grand Canyon in winter, around here I am lucky if the get of the sofa)
After the Grand Canyon I have to go to a sales meeting in Vegas for 3 days, then I am headed northward to Bryce in Utah...more backpacking!