Not feeling it with the new guy...
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| Sun, 10-22-2006 - 1:58pm |
Just wanted to post an update for those who were following my story about the guy I was so excited to meet. We met in person a month ago today and we had our 6th date last night. After that slightly rocky start, he's been very reliable about calling, etc., which has been great. I like him, I enjoy his company...but I'm just not feeling any excitement or chemistry at this point. I really didn't miss him while I was in NYC this past week...I enjoyed our nightly phone calls, but I didn't really miss him. I wish I could put my finger on why I'm not feeling it, but I can't. Or rather, I could give a whole bunch of picky little reasons (such as last night, when we went to a concert and I took some care to get dressed up, and he didn't compliment me at all) but I know that if I were feeling it with him, the little things like that wouldn't bug me, KWIM?
I'll probably give it another date or two just to see if things change but I'm not too optimistic at this point. It's frustrating because I really WANT to like him more than I do, but I just don't.
Sigh.
Sheri

I'm so glad you posted b/c I was wondering what had happened...
So Sheri, what changed? This guy had you over the moon at one point so where did the turning point come? Are you sure you're not just getting scared? Are you sure it's all about him? Just throwing that out there, curious to see what you'll have to say.
Hey,
No, I really don't think I'm getting scared--I just don't really feel much of anything for him but a kind of general liking. I can't pinpoint when I started to turn off, but it mainly has to do with not getting good romantic vibes from him. He says he really likes me and is interested in me, but I'm not getting that vibe from his actions and that makes me less interested. Like here's another example: last night after the concert, I thought we'd go out for coffee or dessert or something (he had a conference until 6 PM so we couldn't meet up beforehand for dinner). But he was too tired so he begged off (which is fine, of course--it happens). But then he calls me today and says that he wishes he had been up for going out for coffee but he was just too tired, but then he says he stayed up late talking to his dad (and not for any urgent reason). I felt that was a big slap in the face and was even more turned off when he said that than I already was.
Plus I'm just not all that attracted to him physically (which is why I was so skeptical about being excited before we'd even met). I'm not UN-attracted, so I'm trying to not let that be the determining factor and trying to see if it can grow, but when combined with the other little things...it's not looking good.
And there's also a teeny, tiny bit of still having hope that Musician/Athlete is going to pull his head out of his butt and realize we are great together and decide he really wants a relationship with me after all (which I know realistically is SO not going to happen but I can't seem to give up on that hope completely, which I realize is completely idiotic but sadly, feelings aren't always rational and I haven't been able to beat them into submission with logic yet but I'm working on it, LOL!). But I do honestly believe that if I were more attracted to this guy and he were showing me more romantic interest, I'd be like, "M/A who???".
Sheri
Hey there, yes, as I said in my response to Kerry, I think it's mainly the low level of physical attraction that's causing me to not really feel it with this guy. But I feel like if he were stepping it up in terms of behaving more romantically, that could be overcome. But he's not, as least not so far, so I'm not quite sure what to do, other than end it if things don't change on the next date or two.
Sheri
Interteresting about the attraction thing. I too was struggling with it for a while with Carlos.
You can't really control who you feel for and are attracted to. I've tried so many times before and beat myself up so many times for not feeling for the ones who appear to be right for me on paper but in reality I just couldn't make those feelings appear. You probably know this from so many of my posts being frustrated lol. That's just the reality of relationships. We can control pretty much any other aspect of our lives more so than we can control feelings and relationships. We can choose more wisely in who we date and choose to leave unheatlhy situations that we know are just not going to happen but we cant' choose who we feel attracted to or who we fall for unfotunately.
It's smart for you to just see by going out a couple more times with him but if it's not there then you should let it go because it most likely won't be there and you don't want to hurt his feelings in the long haul. Good luck to you on this. I've been there too a few times and I get so frustrated with situations like this.