Not good news, but,...m

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Not good news, but,...m
19
Tue, 10-11-2005 - 9:47pm

I will be fine. Just got vibes the guy I met doesn't like me...that he was trying to back away. Trying to find an out. Asked him directly if he liked me or not. He says yes, but then says, "But I like everyone..." and things like that. I am a little hurt. He would not put me at ease about it. Hedged. Have to let him go already...but feels like I have been letting him go a long time....cause he really was never meant for me although there were things I was so attracted to in him. He just never quite reciprocated in the same way, though I wanted him to. Sad. But I will be okay. I'll miss talking to him for a long time though.

Sara

P.S. This also goes back to the discussions about gut feelings. My gut feelings from the beginning were that, although he was a charmer in a bad boy kind of way, he was "not that into me"....and even though we talked for hours, I thought he was not that into me....more bored and lonely than into me. I knew the difference. Odd, isn't it?




Edited 10/11/2005 9:58 pm ET by saralm
 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:18am
LOL. ;) Ya know, when I asked him if he liked me, I meant *minimally*, more than the girl passing on the street kind of like! LOL! Sometimes I got the impression he *disliked* me. He teases a lot...heavily. Gives almost no compliments. He is one of those you can't read. Plus, he *seemed* to back off a tad after our intimate date. Yep, one of them. So, I told him I felt him back off and wanted him to at least say he liked me. He really didn't want to say I was special. Too bad, so sad. I told him I could not be intimate and see him **and** see other people...so I couldn't waste my time if he didn't like me. He would not confess to liking me. haha. @@ I am working on some other prospects now.
I probably shouldn't be dating, but I need that touch, closeness. I need therapy! LOL!LOL! ;)
Sara
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:35am
I think therapy is a great idea. There are so many red flags in what you post that it can't hurt to see someone. I'm actually worried about you. This is meant in a kind and considerate manner. Seriously.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 9:41am

Ahh, well. Thanks, Fxr4me. I am okay. I will be okay. If I get hurt, I will still be okay. My insurance at the new job does not kick in for three months, so no therapy for a while. Believe me, I will not disolve. Therapy has not been a miracle every time I have gone, for sure. If you want to be a friend here, I'd like some feedback and support, but if I cannot get therapy right away, I would still like some feedback and support, no matter what my decisions are....even if I make the wrong ones.

Sara

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:01am

I'm very sorry you were hurt by this experience. This could be a good time for you to stop and reflect on what just happened. Like so many of us, you are looking for closeness and intimacy with a fellow. But you are getting hurt in the process and that's not good.

Something I noted from your post:

You didn't really like him, but you got involved with him anyway and then pushed him to tell you things you need to hear (what we all like to hear) even though you knew he couldn't do that.

OLD is a tough game, not for someone who can't take a couple of hits and a little (lot?) disappointment. As egotistical as I am, even I have felt down about myself at times based on the OLD rejection factor.

It concerns me to *hear* you say that getting hurt is okay. Maybe you didn't really mean that, but maybe in your secret self you believe it?

Please take some time away from dating for awhile and get clear on who you are and how you can get involved in a healthy relationship.

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 11:37am

Thanks, Amjay. I will re-read what you said and think about it. I did *hear* what you are saying. The part about not liking him is sort of true. The part about being hurt being okay is sort of true because in dating or any reaching out, we are taking a chance of getting hurt. I have to take the chance. I was looking for something in him, something to uncover. Like I said; a diamond in the rough, perhaps. But he is not opening up like that...at least not now. I did push very soon...but I didn't want to get hurt worse by sticking around waiting for him to call when he was going to be playing a lot of games. I saw that coming....because he was already calling a lot less two days after our meeting. I had to end it quickly for my own sake. Give me credit for that. :)
As for dating or not dating...that is my decision, and I will deal with the consequences of my decisions.

Sara




Edited 10/13/2005 11:38 am ET by saralm
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:23pm

Amjay-You honestly give some of the BEST advice on this board!


Jodie

CL-Truewild1969


For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;


http://cl-jhoover21-ivil.tripod.com/



Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.



CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 1:50pm
ITA. she is so wise and witty its no joke. I would have recommended you for my brother Amjay the only problem is that wait for it hes Nigerian LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 3:33pm
Sara, I really feel for you. Always follow your gut instinct; it is right 99.99% of the time. For what it's worth he sounds like a real as- ho-- ! I am a large lady and I embrace my big, bold beautiful self! If any guy were ever to make a remark about my weight, what I ate; etc. I would rip him out a new body part, ASAP. People will mess with whomever they think will take it, so don't ever let anyone ever put you down again ! If you can't get into therapy, then get into activities and/or events that will empower you.
Even if it means reading a bunch of self help books to start(Public Library). I wouldn't date until you can go out there strong, confident, with your head held up high. I guarantee no one will dare mess with you then. I know it's hard, but don't let these a--
H---- get you down, they get off on targeting the vulnerable and making them feel like
sh--.
ps. There's nothing wrong with eating at Mickey D's. I had a great lunch there today.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-13-2005 - 4:08pm

Thank you, Taina! I hear you, girl! :) And I do have to get stronger and figure myself out. I am taking one day at a time. Thanks so much! Hope to see you around here more. :)

Hugs, Sara

 

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