Not OLD but you guess give great advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Not OLD but you guess give great advice
2
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 3:19pm

I am still talking to my new friend who lives in Florida and he is great. Anyone live in Florida I have a great guy I could fix you up with. It's painful to say that because I am growing quite fond of him but he is just too far away. I haven't heard from my "ghost" this week but that will change I am sure over the weekend.

My confusion comes from another guy who I have been interested in. I have posted this on another site a few months back. Here is the story:

I started working with this guy 5 years ago and immediately upon seeing him I was attracted and very nervous. Strange since I am 46 years old but this man makes me shake when he's around. We worked the opposite sides of the floor over this time and just recently I have moved into the department he use to work in which is on the same side of the floor as he is. He doesn't sit that close but closer. I have a young co-worker who I have mentored and in all honesty strongly desire *wink wink* but we both know that the age difference is too great. Well my friend found out I had a crush on B and he took matters into his own hands in November. He hinted around and finally B figured out it was me. He showed some interest. This man is very tall and heavy but his face just shines. He has the most amazing smile of anyone I have ever known. Well we flirted back and forth for a month and then we finally exchanged phone numbers. He called the Friday before Christmas and we talked for over 5 hours. He let me know that he had a nasty divorce about 5 years ago and has some self-esteem issues. I told him that I have always been attracted to his smile and he was a bit difficult about that. I then told him that he had an amazing smile. He said he isn't the nice guy everyone says he is. So hard for me to believe because he just radiates at work. How can you be not a good person and shine like that? He said he didn't want to discourage me but his life consists of going to work and back home where he spends all his time alone. He is quite mired down in his solitude and doesn't see how he can reverse that.

Well over the course of the few months I would call him occasionally and we would chat like the first time but he just didn't make the effort to call me. That changed in February. Everything seemed to change in February. I had backed off because I enjoy his friendship but know that nothing will ever happen otherwise. He knew that I love Nascar and called me out of the blue while I was watching the Daytona 500. there was 20 laps left and he asked if I would explain to him (A non-Nascar person so much so that he says all they do is go around in circles) what I see when I watch a race. We laughed like crazy over all the commentary I was giving him. I was touched he showed an interest. We both have some health issues that at times forces us to be gone from work. Now he always checks with me if I am gone and vice versa. I still stayed distant not getting my hopes up but he continues to become a tad bit more active in something other than a friendship.

Last Friday he came to visit me at my cubicle and he was hilarious. Right there in front of our co-workers this man flirted with me shamelessly. Teased me and he just radiated and smiled and I loved it. For the first time he made eye contact with me and it was like he could see into my soul. (You know that look right?) We emailed each other over the course of the past couple of days and he was hilarious. Very cute and funny. Not the usual reserved cute and funny but the shameless kind. Today I read his email and responded before he got to work and it was quite funny if I do say so myself. This morning after he got here he IM'd me which he has never done. He is a phone person and takes calls all day (he hates it) so he sometimes doesn't have time to even email. The IM was in response to my funny in the email and he made it clear that he loved what I said and was laughing. We continue to IM as it is convenient with him. He then came over to visit his friends over on this side and ended up at my cubicle. He said he called last night and wanted to apologize for calling so late. I had no idea he called. He called my cell phone and left a voice mail. HE NEVER DOES THIS!!!!! Then he said he would call me this weekend. WHAT???

He did say that first phone conversation that he wanted to go slow and that it was going to come down to trust before he could think about being something other than friends. He said he was comfortable with his life the way it is and I told him that I respected that but at the same time he said he was afraid he was going to die like this. I told him that I would go with whatever he decided he wanted to do. I also suggested that we not call and talk if it would make him feel uncomfortable and he quickly told me he wanted to continue.

Now this man knows I like him like a girl likes a boy. He complimented me today on how well I have been getting around since I lost some weight.

I like him so much. His smile OMG and his eyes just shine. The weigh might be an issue as I am losing all of mine.

Let me know what everyone thinks? Is he interested?? I am not waiting for him or any of the others. I am living my life the happiest I have ever been in control of my eating and looking fine if I may say so. My single life is only going to get better as I continue to feel good about me.

Any thoughts?

F

Thanks for reading my long long post!!!




Edited 3/17/2006 4:59 pm ET by fluffybuttdiva
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 5:03pm
IMO, it sounds as if he is warming up to the idea of becoming more than friends and is doing a little more flirting to test the waters.
heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 8:12am

Hey there Fluff,

I agree with Vexer (as usual!) -- it sounds like you being laid back and letting him go at his own pace has made him more comfortable with the idea of coming out of his shell, so to speak.

While this slow pace would drive me insane (I am NOT a patient woman, LOL) you'vc got enough going on in your life to fill in the spaces betwen times when he contacts you. I do kind of wonder, though, about whether his baggage/issues will come back to haunt you two when/if you get into an actual dating situation. I have a girlfriend who has a tendency to retreat and become a hermit at the slightest hint of stress, and even as a friend it has pushed me to anger on occasion -- we'll make plans and she will cancel at the last minute when "she just isn't up to it." That may be way off base (or way premature) but it was the first thing I thought of when reading your description of his solitary life. So be prepared for it to go in fits and starts as he gets used to the idea of having somebody in his life.

I think overall, it sounds like his friendship is good for you, I can totally identify with the thing about how he sees right into you. That's my YM too. When you have somebody like that in your life, it's hard to wait in between times you can see them. If you can take the wait, it sounds like sitting back is doing the trick.