Number exchange?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Number exchange?!
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 4:05pm

I have been chatting with this man whom I met through facebook, we haven't met yet but we are determined to once our schedules clear up. He makes a great effort at getting to know me, we have talked twice on the phone and we communicate through email and msn. He is 7 years older than me, which is not a problem, but it does put us in different stages of life. I'm a student finishing up my last year of school and working full time, where he owns his own house, he's a manager of a great company and travels alot due to work.

Since our schedules are so busy, we have both come to understand that talking won't and can't happen everyday, so we like to make sure we talk at least 3-4 times a week through emails and msn.

I haven't had any concerns up until our conversation concerning cell phone numbers. He stated that he had a ex-girlfriend continue to call him over and over again which is why he is so hesitant on giving me his number. He says doesn't fear that I will do that, but I still don't have his number. He has called me twice from work and he knows my cell phone number.

The only reason I thought having the cell phone number before we officially meet was because we could get to know each other faster and it would be a great way to stay in contact. Our schedules will not allow us to meet until after the holidays because we are both out of town, which is why I think exchanging numbers would be so great.

I hate thinking negatively, but the fact that he is not sharing his cell phone number makes me think he doesn't want me known. He perhaps has a girlfriend or wife or something that he would like to keep the 2 worlds apart?

I don't want to think that, nor do I want that to be the reason. We are very into each other and he tells me how he feels quite frequently and has stated that once we meet if we are as great as we are online that it is no doubt we will be together. He is the one always asking when we can meet and all the ideas he has for us, but he won't share his number... which I find completely confusing.

What are your thoughts?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 8:27pm

It doesn't sound good to me, sorry to say.

It's been said on this board many times: you can't really get to know someone until you meet and spend time with them. The sooner you meet, the better. Do you live in the same town? Are your schedules always this incompatible, or is it just right now? If you're both so busy, how will you establish a relationship?

My recommendation is to stop corresponding so much between now and when you meet. It just builds up unrealistic expectations. Also, if you met him on Facebook, do you know anyone in common? If so, perhaps you can find out more about him, like if he's married or has a girlfriend. The other thing is that some men really have no intention of meeting--they just like to cyber-flirt.

If you meet, and he still won't give you his number (assuming you want it) I'd consider that a huge red flag.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Sun, 12-06-2009 - 11:38pm

I agree with Floridagirl. It's a red flag for me that he is hestitant to give you his number. Most men I've talked with have had no problem sharing a cell phone number even before I met them.

His claim that an ex wouldn't stop calling him doesn't hold water with me. If someone becomes a nuisance, you simply call your provider and have that number blocked. Someone who continued to call using different numbers could be reported for harrassment. And really? How many people are this needy or persistent?

Listen to your gut. If he doesn't want to meet soon, he's likely not as interested as he appears.

I know that's frustrating and disappointing, but it's also very common in OLD.

Your final reward will be heartaches and tears if you’ve cheated the man in the glass.          &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 12:39am

You say both of you are so busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2007
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 11:23am

Something sounds wrong for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 11:55am

Him only calling you from work (despite being “so busy”) is a bad sign.

He has your cell # but won’t give you his is another bad sign

The “ex called him a lot so he doesn’t want to give his number” excuse is LAME.

His line

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2009
Mon, 12-07-2009 - 2:36pm

Hi All,

I stopped talking to him completely. I wasn't into playing games and that's what he seemed to do, so I blocked and deleted.

Thanks for the advice!