An observation of OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
An observation of OLD
12
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:35am

I will try to put this into words as best I can and I'm not going to bash online dating. For me it has been a VERY useful way of meeting more men. I have gone on so many dates in the past 2 months, it's almost crazy. However I only went on a second date with ONE of these people and i was never that into him in the first place.

To me getting contacted by someone on OLD is sort of like getting approached by someone at a bar or at the gym, etc. You might sorta like this person who approaches you online, think they are cute, seem nice so you go out with them. Now in a bar per se it is much easier to weed this person out than it is to do online. If you dont feel a vibe face to face, you can end the conversation and it's that simple. But online you take time and effort to go out and meet this person, and if you dont like them as soon as you see them (Whether it be by personality or looks) well you've already taken the time to drive to meet them, in my case you've paid for parking, fought traffic in the city to get to them and now have to sit through a drink or meal with them and have a possibly boring conversation

THIS has been my problem with OLD. It takes EFFORT. Standing there in the real world and having someone come up to you does not take effort. You politely say no thanks when approached or you give them your number. Youve already had your first face to face meeting right then and there and i guess that is so important. Online, you can really only sort of guess, hmm, what is this person like in real life...right now i'm only reading a profile and looking at a picture that could look not much like this person. Or perhaps there are great people i'm turning down on line when in real life i'd really like them!

I might be sounding confusing right now...i'm sure i am. All i know is that i have spent a lot of money on gas mileage meeting people, paying for parking, and like i said, sometimes knowing right off the bat, ugh, I am so not into this person, now i have to sit here for about an hour talking to them!

BUT if i take myself offline...i wont be meeting nearly as many people...especially because so many of my friends are lame and dont go out much these days (:

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:42am

Now perhaps you understand why so many of us advocate making the first meeting for coffee, LOL! My preferred place is a Starbucks with a great view of the water, that's in *my* neighborhood, and has free parking.

But yes, it does take effort...that's why it's easy to get burned out and why I periodically take breaks. But I do think you get better at weeding people out with practice so you have fewer bad first meets.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:46am
well last night I did just meet the guy in a coffee shop...but again i had to sit in traffic to get there and pay $15 in a parking garage to do it!! I met him in harvard sq, close to his house, and close to my work. I live in Boston so it's a pretty big city...even if i limited myself to just 5 miles within my area I'd still likely be driving thru traffic on the highway...and i cant walk on the highway, taking the train is a pain, etc...nothing is ever easy. I just wish i could fast forward through all this and just meet someone already.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 10:58am

Are there really no coffee shops closer to where you work that you can walk to after work (so you can just leave your car where you parked it for the day rather than driving and re-parking)? What part of town do you work in? You should have the guy come to you, don't go to him!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:00am
well it was a half way point...and didnt have a car anyways.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:04am

Then he can take the T!!! Sheez!

Stop being so accommodating. The guy should come to you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:13am

there is no T around my office. Sheri, I'm not being overly accomadating in any way shape or form. If anything I have said no quite a bit. These guys are driving to get to me too. Last night was just a fluke instance where i drove somewhere because it was close and halfway point for someone who didnt have a car. He walked to get to me, he couldnt have walked to my office, and I couldnt have walked to harvard sq. I think it would have been sort of rude of me to say, why dont you just take the bus to get to my princess butt so i dont have to lift a finger. That's not the impression to give to a potential mate as far as im concerned. On a first meeting my point is that NO one wants to go to the ends of the earth to meet someone they have never seen in person before.

I guess my point is that this process is getting draining for me. I cant expect that everyone is going to live around the corner from me. I feel like maybe it just isnt my time to meet anyone. I dont want to go through these measures anymore to try and find someone. I dont think it's supposed to be this confusing or questionable.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:19am

Ok, sorry, when you said you worked in Boston, I assumed you were right in town and there was a T station nearby (that's why I asked what part of town you were in, but when you didn't answer I figured you must be centrally located).

And it's not being a "princess" to suggest a place that's convenient for you but whatever. You're obviously not looking for solutions...my mistake.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 11:26am
I guess the solution i'm looking for is to stop these meaningless encounters with people i have no interest in once i meet them face to face...i already feel like i'm being somewhat picky online...maybe i have to start being even more so if i'm going to continue this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 12:26pm

Wow! I completely agree and have expressed exactly these sentiments to friends and family as to why I put off trying OLD. It is so much better to go to a party or other event, where you have a mutual frame of reference, and get to screen multiple guys in one shot all while having fun with friends.

The only advice I can offer that works for me is that I actually don't screen strongly by photos. Most of what holds attraction for me is how men hold themselves and that can't be conveyed in a photo. So unless I am actively turned off by someone's photo I give them a chance to show me that they might be someone I could be interested in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 12:35pm

i am talking to one guy right now who's profile i really like, and i'm not floored by his pic...i'd like to meet him. I actually contacted him, he didnt even have a pic up, but i did really like his profile. He showed me his pic, i thought, he's ok looking. We have been emailing back and forth and i guess i feel like since i contacted him initially, i dont also want to be the one to ask him out...i'd like him to do that...otherwise i guess we are pen pals. I cant make all the first moves...i just dont want to.

If i had parties and events to go to every weekend, i'd be there for sure...unfortunately i dont have these opportunities. I feel like at 28....not many people my age have parties often.

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