an observation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
an observation
27
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:03am

I was reading user reviews of a popular online dating site, and I found the men's comments to be very interesting. They kept complaining that the women don't want to meet, or they're psycho, or they're too obese to be considered "dateable". I have several female friends who are online dating right now. The really fun, stable ones who are bigger than a size 8 and not super model gorgeous struggle to find guys who will respond. I myself have sent out countless emails to guys with few responses, or guys send a rejection form email back. My one friend who is very thin and pretty but nuts and a total flirt gets dates constantly. She gets half a dozen "winks" a day, and guys are falling all over her. However, by date 2, it becomes apparent that she's nuts (or she confesses that she still sees her ex on a regular basis), and then they're mad.

I'm wondering if all the guys who complain about online dating are hitting on the same dozen size 4 gorgeous women, and then whining when those women turn out to be psycho, too busy, or empty-headed. Online dating seems to be based mostly on looks, in my experience.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 2:55pm

Men are visual, first and foremost - that's the reality.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 5:13pm

It is VERY shallow. So shallow it's tasteless.

I have the experience of losing about 60 pounds and going from a size 18 to a size 7/8. Interesting experience. Suddenly the same guys who wouldn't even give me the time of day were suddenly interested. And my online dates went up as well.

Problem is - I'm still the EXACT same girl on the inside. And I remember how these guys treated me. So why can't THEY understand why I'm not interested? They had no problem at all blowing me off before - what's to say they won't have a problem later on??

I see now why women who lose a lot of weight put it back on for "protection." Not that that's what I want to do, but when you're overweight and someone loves you, you KNOW he loves you for YOU - and not what you look like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 6:50pm

I’m not saying this to start a debate – but I personally won’t date someone who’s overweight because we have a very different idea of a healthy lifestyle.

 
 
Avatar for 6kids2many
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 6:51pm

I live in this teeny tiny small town in IL, and I was (still am so I hear) considered "quite a find"

Pamela
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 8:06pm

I have no problem with guys who are slender and athletic wanting to date only women who are the same. I have a problem with guys who are overweight not wanting to date women who are equally or less overweight. A lot of match.com profiles of guys who may call themselves "about average" but really have "a few extra pounds" require "slender" and "athletic and toned" for their prospective matches.

Give me a break!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 8:09pm
I agree with you - a double standard for sure. One man I wasn't sure about (a photo that you could tell was hiding something) wrote me back and was honest, he said "I never work out" unless I have too.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:34pm
Alot of guys on the online services date the same kind of woman over and over, and then complain that all the women online are psycho and shallow when they keep getting the
same result. Alot of guys online seem to be looking for Angelina Jolie, and don't recognize that even Angelina Jolie in reality isn't the same person they're thinking
of. Its just annoying and kind of sad. I've seen some women do the same thing, by the way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:04pm

I find these profiles that lie about crucial facts kind of pathetic. The guy I met the other day was a really nice guy in many ways, and his lying about his height wasn't the main reason I decided I didn't want to see him again, but why lie?

He claimed to be 5'8". I don't think he was even 5'6". Now I am pretty short, so it didn't matter. But what if I had been 5'6" and I had thought I was going out with someone who was 5'8" and ended up towering over him in my heels?

Or what about people who lie about their ages or something like that? Do they think no one is going to find out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:15pm
I have to agree with you on this one, sp. Lifestyle is important. Maybe this is a stereotype, but I think guys who sit around a lot generally like to drink beer a lot and who knows what else. I'm looking for a guy who likes to do better things with his time. I'm willing to starve myself and do whatever it takes, within healthy standards, to stay on the thin side. I guess it's a matter of priorities. I don't judge people who are heavier, though. I was fortunate in some ways because I was taught healthy eating from a young age. I fell-away from it for a couple of years and it showed. I guess I would consider a heavier guy if he was willing to learn healthier eating and lifestyle habits. However, some people just won't help themselves and I can't live with that. I'm always working on self-improvement in every aspect and am open to suggestions. I need someone who would be compatible with me on this. However, there are some guys who put in their profiles that weight is not an issue. Sometimes I wish I wasn't shallow at all. There are some really nice obese people and maybe if I got to know a guy in a non-pressured environment, I could learn to love him from the inside out. Romance is about preferences, though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 11:19pm
I think that a problem with online dating is that it tends to encourage fantasies. Where else do you get "a parade" of dozens of eligible members of the sex that attract you? You "meet" these people two-dimensionally (pictures and a few carefully chosen words) and the sites invite you to talk in terms of "ideal." What is your "ideal" date, the "perfect" match for you.

In real life, we know that "ideal" is not real. I think some people who do OLD forget that.

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