an observation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
an observation
27
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:03am

I was reading user reviews of a popular online dating site, and I found the men's comments to be very interesting. They kept complaining that the women don't want to meet, or they're psycho, or they're too obese to be considered "dateable". I have several female friends who are online dating right now. The really fun, stable ones who are bigger than a size 8 and not super model gorgeous struggle to find guys who will respond. I myself have sent out countless emails to guys with few responses, or guys send a rejection form email back. My one friend who is very thin and pretty but nuts and a total flirt gets dates constantly. She gets half a dozen "winks" a day, and guys are falling all over her. However, by date 2, it becomes apparent that she's nuts (or she confesses that she still sees her ex on a regular basis), and then they're mad.

I'm wondering if all the guys who complain about online dating are hitting on the same dozen size 4 gorgeous women, and then whining when those women turn out to be psycho, too busy, or empty-headed. Online dating seems to be based mostly on looks, in my experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:59am

I'm a women who gets tons of winks, but I find it insulting. MEN DON'T EVEN READ MY PROFILE! I think that it's outrageous how many e-mails I get everyday on sites like Match. Listen, if you get 2 e-mails emails from guys who really like you & read what you had to say, that's better than a bunch from losers that just click on the blonde hair. I'm blonde, thin, & pretty. BUT THAT'S NOT WHO I REALLY AM. That's actually why I'm trying to use online dating. My looks attract the wrong kind of me (egotistical types) when I'm out. Also, I'm different than people expect me to be when they see me. I'm professional, private, & bit intellectual. I'm not the sex goddess or whatever they hope I'm going to be. I'm not a flirt, either. The thing is, you have to put some pictures up, or the profile isn't even shown in most search results.

OLD is still dating. Looks plays a part. My advice is that it's mainly about PRESENTATION, though. Get good pictures. Some girls have unflattering pics up. That gives the impression that you don't care or aren't taking it seriously. If you're serious about putting your best foot forward get a friend & a digital camera & take some good pics. You can even get portraits done.

Have you had any good in-person encounters from people online? I find it kinda scary. I have yet to meet anyone, so I certainly can't give advice on that - more like I need it. I do agree that the initial contact part is about looks/ presentation.

--Deanna

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 1:04am

FYI- I read the main thing men lie about in profiles is their height. How dumb.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 2:48am

I agree and disagree. I agree that the beauty comes from the inside. I also know that I am attracted to the outside as well. When my then-wife gained and kept on weight post-childbirth, she felt fat and self conscious. I did not really notice or minded. Would I look to date her now (putting aside the fact that I divorced her)? No because she is overweight.

I know that looks fade and change but I want to court and be with someone who is physically attractive as well. You can judge who and what I am for that but I am honest with myself on what is attractive to me.

I also know I would not be attracted to a physically attractive woman if that is all that she is. I find personality, character, values, etc. are all part of the package which constitutes attractiveness to me.

Mark

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 3:17am

When you say men focus on the profile pictures I agree for myself. For OLD there is not too much to go on. I screen for height (shorter than me), location (close), politics (not conservative) and weight (avg, slender, athletic). I do look at the picture first for physical attraction.

Most profiles read the same, e.g. likes walks on the beach, wants honesty and laughter/humor, cuddling by the fire with a good glass of wine, blah, blah, blah. It is too predictable.

So how can I tell if your attractive, thin friend is "nuts" from her profile? If that is all we got to go on from the start then...?

For me, I actually have a phone conversation with the woman before meeting with her. I look to see if there is a comfortable "flow" in talking and we actually do have common core values and outlooks in life (i.e. positive, cheerful, open, compassionate).

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:03am

Oh how fun that would be to be able to say, hey pal I tried to email you about 6 months ago and you told me to take a hike so why you emailing me now??? LOL

Oh please share that you do this to them. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 9:09am
Just because someone wrote a diet book doesn't mean they aren't getting overweight. In fact I just read that in france the obesity rate has risen to 40% and is rising in the younger people over there. So I wouldn't believe just because someone wrote a diet book that everyone over there is slim and svelte. There has been a sharp rise 5% since 1997 in obesity and its concerning the doctors over there. So they too have succumbed to the battle of the bulge.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:13pm
Ha! That really _is_ dumb. If you lie about your weight it might be argued that you gained or lost weight. If you lie about your hair it could be you have recently grayed, balded or dyed your hair. If you lie about your age you can hope not to be found out for a while. But if you lie about your height... well, it's going to be evident the minute you meet!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 11:14pm

LOL! Yeah I did that with all of them.

I had one guy in particular - I liked him. We went out once or twice and I stopped hearing from him, although his profile remained up. So I let him go - didn't bother with him.

Fast forward - I lost all the weight in about two years. Put my profile back up. He sent me a message. Obviously didn't recognize me.

SOOO - I sent back a response: "Hi John, it's Michelle! Nice to see you again! You probably remember that we went out a few times. But you didn't seem too interested. But it was nice meeting you! Good luck with your search!"

Of course, he sent back a response that was full of excuses that he was "busy" with work at the time (why do they always use that lame excuse? Do they all read from the same book of BS?) but that he'd LOVE to get back together and go out again sometime!!

Uh huh. I turned him down. Said that I figured it wasn't a good idea because if he wasn't interested in the beginning I couldn't see why he'd be interested now.

Of course, I KNEW why he was interested NOW. But, hey, I'm the exact same fabulous woman that I was before. Just a little smaller is all. And he missed out. So too bad for him.

Avatar for 6kids2many
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: mslauren30
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 11:47pm

Please take this

Pamela
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
In reply to: mslauren30
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 11:05am
YOU GO GIRL that is awesome!!!