an observation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
an observation
27
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:03am

I was reading user reviews of a popular online dating site, and I found the men's comments to be very interesting. They kept complaining that the women don't want to meet, or they're psycho, or they're too obese to be considered "dateable". I have several female friends who are online dating right now. The really fun, stable ones who are bigger than a size 8 and not super model gorgeous struggle to find guys who will respond. I myself have sent out countless emails to guys with few responses, or guys send a rejection form email back. My one friend who is very thin and pretty but nuts and a total flirt gets dates constantly. She gets half a dozen "winks" a day, and guys are falling all over her. However, by date 2, it becomes apparent that she's nuts (or she confesses that she still sees her ex on a regular basis), and then they're mad.

I'm wondering if all the guys who complain about online dating are hitting on the same dozen size 4 gorgeous women, and then whining when those women turn out to be psycho, too busy, or empty-headed. Online dating seems to be based mostly on looks, in my experience.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 9:36am
A good friend of mine met her husband when she was about 100 pounds overweight (he was and is thin). She's lost all the weight, but she knows he really loves her for WHO she is. He loved her when she wasn't physically perfect, and now he has a close to physically perfect woman as his wife, because he wasn't so shallow that he couldn't see beyond the weight to the awesome person she is. That's why I kind of laugh and sigh at the guys who state outright that they won't date overweight women. I wonder if they're really happier alone than with an awesome woman who might be a little overweight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 10:14am

I don't really mind so much - it's everyone's choice who they're attracted to.

But what I hate is hearing the whining and/or the lame pathetic excuses presented when suddently that person IS attractive and NOW that other person is interested. Just come out and say why you wouldn't go out with me. And THAT's precisely why I won't go out with them now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 1:43pm
Guys do lie about their body or maybe they are just unsure. Many guys describe themselves as athletic and toned and they turn on to be skinny and I have more muscle than they do. This bothers me because I do not think skinny or slender means a person is in shape or athletic and toned. I know women and men who smoke and are thin because they smoke, but they couldn't even climb a flight of stairs without being out of breath, whereas a person who doesn't look as thin can most definately be in better shape.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 1:56pm
You got it right idea girl. You wouldn't want to be with those types of men anyway, their insecurity is really the problem. The funny thing is that many times the really thin girls are the one who end up the fattest later in life. Eating disorders, starving and bulimia mess up metabolisms and quitting smoking makes people who stayed thin due to smoking gain weight. Those who are average and maintain average weight tend to stay the same without much change wither way as in gaining or losing. Going to extremes to stay thin has a lot of consequences later. Also did you ever notice that once women get married most pack on the pounds, haha, just staying thin while they are single to get the shallow guy. Don't worry, you will find a great guy. I have seen many great guys who are open to many or all body types. The funny thing with me is although I am not overweight nor thin, I have a nice hourglass figure, I avoid guys who only have 1 or 2 body types listed even when they contact me. I want someone who is accepting of others as they are not so perfect themselves. As for me I like a guy who is built well but would rather have a guy who is a little overweight than a little too skinny. I like to have something to hold on to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
In reply to: mslauren30
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 1:48pm
In regards to your question about actually meeting people you have been in contact with online. I have been doing OLD for about 2 1/2 years and have met 10 men in person. Most of them have been for only once or twice, one for 4-5 times and one for about 3 months pretty casually. The were all gentlemen and none of them misrepresented anything about themselves in their profiles. I have experienced a lot of the same things other people mention in the various messages here, ghosting, no responses to emails etc. I have found even though learning from those experiences hurts for a while it has helped me really define what it is I am looking for in a person and what I don't want to deal with. I have also learned that the only person who will always be with you,is YOU so you better enjoy the company. This has helped me be a lot more self confident and it has made the most recent encounter I am in the midst of much more sussessful so far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 11:50pm

Why do thin women always feel the need to defend their intelligence!
I dont feel it is the same with thin/athletic good looking men. It is as if there are two categories of women dumb size 2 women and the interesting overweight ones!
This is retarded steriotyping! smart women are healthy ones who take care of their appearance as much of their intellect!
I m a size 2 woman (because I want to be not because I have to) and have 2 masters degrees and always had the best marks in school and still at work I have to proove myself with every freaking client/boss simply because I take care of how I look! Had I looked like a geek I m sure I would be given the benefit of doubt!

If men are promoting this steriotype because they are threatened by smart good looking women, we , women should not fall for this. Women can be ugly and smart, pretty and smart, pretty and dumb and finally ugly and dumb yet they still have the privilege to give a life! I do prefer smart good looking people but I have to admit DUMB has it is advantages. Have you ever had a dumb friend? I think they are the most amuzing regardless of their looks :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
In reply to: mslauren30
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:51am

I quit OLD a few months ago but still like to pop in to read about how everyone is doing once in a while. When I was on lavalife, I would chat online with a person for a week or two before I even considered meeting. At first I would chat with individuals with a backstage and no profile pic if they sounded interesting. Unfortunately, the self-described attractive fit man would often turn out to look more like my father than a potential date when I saw a pic. One of the first men I chatted with online gave a few clues that he was a controller and when I declined to meet early on put a significant amount of pressure on me to meet. After a few time, I called him on it and moved on. I believe a fair number of the men that are complaining about women playing games or wanting a pen pal are likely just turning off the women during chats and possibly phone conversations and don't recognize that they are the problem. It is easier for them to assume the women are flakes than that they are not presenting well.

Just my two cents...

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