Is this odd? It seems so to me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Is this odd? It seems so to me...
22
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:20pm

So I finally posted my picture on Yahoo and now I'm getting tons of responses, which makes me feel a bit better about internet dating. I was getting one message a month before.

This guy emails me and tells me he likes my profile. I read his and from his pictures and his stats find him very attractive, but am not sure what to make of his "about me" part. He seems to have done a lot of internet dating and has been burned by women who are late for dates, dress like bag ladies on the first date, etc. He goes on to describe exactly what he wants and if you don't match that, go to the next profile.

I'm kind of intrigued so I email him back and we chatted on the phone last night. Here's where it gets kind of odd. He's very personable, nice guy, but he says he wants to put it out on the table that when a woman dates him, she has to be ready to be intimate (as he puts it) with him by the 4th or 5th date. He says he feels used if she dates him forever and doesn't sleep with him.

I told him I couldn't promise I'd have an intimate relationship with him by the 4th or 5th date, that I just don't always know how I feel about someone that quickly and that the guys who have hurt me the most in my life have been the ones who have rushed the early part of the relationship.

He says he shouldn't have to suffer the sins of his fathers. I say I shouldn't have to suffer the sins of my mothers. He says he's just putting it out there how he feels, that it makes him feel used and unattractive if a woman wants to just date forever with no intimacy. He also says a huge number of women have no sex drive. He wants lots of sex, which is fine with me, IF I like him that way.

Thoughts on this guy? He says in his profile that he has no baggage....he also says the ball's in my court now. Oddly enough, I'm feeling pressured.

Chick

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:26pm

Oh, UGH!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:34pm
i say forget him too...who does he think he is?? Lol...what are you finding intriguing about him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:50pm
He treats OLD like he's ordering a pizza: "I'll have a THIN crust, with SPICY HOT Pepperoni attractively placed, and get it to me quick or I don't have to pay." I think you should be wary of guys with ultra specific requirements - you can never please them enough.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 12:57pm

I would pass. There's no way I would feel comfortable making a commitment to sleeping with him that soon. 4 or 5 dates is hardly "forever"! That's ridiculous.

I'm curious--is he willing to commit to exclusivity and monogamy that quickly?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 1:09pm

Thanks everyone, I feel better. I was just kind of weirded out by the whole thing.
Cor, I think what I find intriguing is he is very attractive, to me. Physically he's my type, kind of stocky, dark brown eyes, middle-aged in a way I find sexy. That sort of thing. Plus he's smart. I'm not meeting very many smart men here in my next of the woods.

But he's emotionally off the wall!

Sheri, he said he's absolutely willing to be exclusive and monogamous after that. But Charite is right, it's like he's ordering a pizza! And he did mention time, saying he doesn't have any to waste anymore. He wants to be in a serious relationship with lots of sex right now!

Stacey, you crack me up, he is boorish.

Thanks everyone. I'm gonna go NEXT him now!

Hey, off topic, how do you get it so you can reply to all?

Chick

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 1:15pm

Yeah, well, I want a million dollars *right now*, but that doesn't mean it's a realistic wish! He's being highly unrealistic if he expects to be able to form an "insta-relationship". If someone isn't willing to invest a mere two months or so to get a sense of whether we are potentially a good fit, during which time they could be dating other people anyway, then I'm not interested.

As for replying to "all" you have to have a paying membership or be a CL to be able to use that feature.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 1:52pm

One rule of thumb – you said initially you didn’t like that his profile was so negative, don’t be this or be that etc. I read a profile like that the other day and immediately said NEXT.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 2:02pm

There's a definite reason why some guys are single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 2:30pm

Ah, you guys are making me feel so much better. I really kind of got a good vibe from him too, but I just can't overlook this "you'll be intimate with me within 5 dates or I'll stop feeling good about myself" thing.

I would post the response I sent him, but I think that's kind of tacky. Basically I told him that his approach will only net him women with very low self esteem. I told him to be less restrictive and more selective online. I guess he dates anyone who responds to him. I said a woman with high self esteem, independence and strength, will not fall for this kind of philosophy (I wanted to say threat, but decided that was too strong, but it is a threat!)

Man, am I wise! A woman who runs with the wolves! :-) And some of that is because of the great advice I've seen posted on these boards!!!!!!! You guys are the best. How'd I ever do it without you???

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 8:30pm

Oh my, I received a vitriolic response from him. My email was kind and gentle. His was obnoxious. I won't post all of it, but here is his closing line. Man, I do have bad luck with the internet... ;-(

"I wish you the best of luck. Just keep in mind what you think is "quickly" to you isn't to many others. Men who date women that want to go out 5+ times without sex stringing them along hoping that they will eventually have a woman who will turn out to be an incredible lover I put right up there with a woman who goes out 5+ times with a man who gets roaring drunk each time and hoping he doesn't have a drinking problem."

yeap, he's for real and I'm not making him up.

Chick

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