odd male behavior on match.com
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| Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:58am |
A couple of questions. I'm trying match the second time in a year and I've been on there less than a couple of weeks. I'm wondering why a couple of men already have given me their personal email addresses in their first or second emails to me on match.com when the match emails are doing a fine job. One guy gave me two of his personal email addresses and he just emailed me his phone number since he seemed to be kind of hinting about wanting to meet up with me but didn't ask for my number outright. I don't volunteer my number unless a guy asks for it and feel funny about calling him so maybe I will email him to ask when's a good time for me to call him since he works odd hours and I'll also give him my number. Another guy asked me for my number after we both exchanged only one email which I think is a little early on given that I know nothing about him. Even so, it took him over two days to respond to my email so I thought he just ghosted on me. Another sent me a wink, I winked back and I didn't hear for him for over two days also when he gave me his personal email address. So I actually have three men I'm speaking to through email right now who haven't ghosted on me which I think is good, no? I just wanted to know why they are giving me their personal email addresses. It seems kind of strange to me.
On a funny note, I have a couple of guys who sent me emails once again even though I sent them "not interested" responses a few months back when I was on match. One of them seems to have a standarized response he seems to use on every woman he emails and it's full of typos and exclamation marks.

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I don't think it's strange at all that they are giving you their email addresses. I for one, dislike communicating throught the site. I don't like how the emails work - you can't see the original email and have to toggle back and forth to see what they said and I like to make sure I answer their questions. Also, a lot of businesses have firewalls that will keep employees from going to dating sites but allow them to go to Yahoo! or another Internet email or maybe they are giving you their work email. Also, I prefer moving it off the site relatively quickly as it's easier for me to communicate with them - I am on my yahoo mail all day while I have to log on to the site and stuff which I don't like to do at work.
As for the phone thing, a lot of guys also will offer their digits up to a woman because they don't know how she is about giving her number to a near stranger so they give theirs to be considerate. If you'd rather he call you, say somethign like "thanks for the number but I like it if the guy calls me at first. My number is ### and a good time to call me is XXX." Or you can use the guy's crazy work schedule as an excuse - say something along the lines of "Hey, you have such a crazy work schedule that I don't know what a good time to call would be. So why don't you call me at ### when you have some time." That one runs the risk that he'll turn it around on you and give you a time to call and then you'd have to bite the bullet and do it.
Yeah, the guy who gave me his number...I told him I'm not sure when he's at work and I gave him my number. He responded yesterday afternoon that the evenings are good and he will drop me a line when he gets a chance. He also asked me about a show we chatted about previously that we both watch. So I briefly responded late this morning and he responded right away with some more small talk and jokes but no phone call. I wrote him one last email this afternoon saying I'd like to hear from him though I was light and funny about it and I left it at that. I guess I could assume he just likes to flirt and make jokes on-line but doesn't want to take it to the next level. I find it funny though that he responds to my emails always within a couple of hours and writes as if I was sitting at my computer waiting for emails to come in even though I take about a day to respond. But as far as asking for my number or calling me goes, he doesn't seem too interested. Oh well!
Edited 1/21/2006 7:46 pm ET by ising101
>>Also, what's up with guys who... take days to respond?... He hasn't responded even though he's visited the site within that time....
So you're freaking out that someone didn't write back within 2 days? Seriously, 2 days is no big deal, you might want to reconsider your expectations. It's not unusual. Who cares if he visited the site or not? He's just using a service he paid for! Aren't you?
Part of the key to OLD is to not get your hopes up about anyone until you've at LEAST met in person. You kinda have to expect that 90% of people on OLD will be flaky, sleazy, or otherwise losers... so the exceptions become a pleasant surprise.
Please check my post on "lesson learned here pays off" - I didn't hear from this guy for a whole week (and he was visiting Match during that time) but so what. We've only exchanged a couple emails - it's not like I expect him to treat me like a girlfriend or ANY kind of priority. He has his own life and I have mine, we'll write when we have time. That's just how it goes.
Edited 1/22/2006 10:51 am ET by phoenixmama
I have a little story for you. I met a guy on the Internet who seemed nice. He lived maybe 30 miles from me. We had some nice email discussions and then planned a telephone call. He told me he was going to call at 8PM. Instead he called at 9:30PM and said that he had a family commitment which caused him to be late with the call. After the call he emailed me telling me that we should meet for coffee.
Although I like coffee, he suggested that I drive the 30 miles to his town and meet him in the evening during the week. Mind you, this was during the winter and there were no daylight hours past 5PM. He couldn't possibly drive to my city or even half-way because he had so many personal obligations and he was busy with his kids on the weekends.
Needless to say, I don't meet men for the first time at night, I don't drive miles out of my way to meet men 2 minutes from where they live, and, yes I do judge people on whether they can make a punctual phone call or not.
I was just not that into him. On a subsequent email he told me he was going to call me. Naturally he didn't call when he said he was going to call, and I wasn't going to pick up the phone anyway. He left a rather nasty message on my machine later that day and I never heard from him again, thank God.
If men can't do what they tell you they are going to do regarding phone calls, move on.
I'm jumping in here late, but to add on to what chamey said (which is on the money), I think you should concern yourself more with "Am I interested in him?" and less with "Is he interested in me?" Try not to place so many expectations on the guys you are interested in, you'll just set them up for a fall. You can expect them to do what they'll say they'll do, that's fine. But don't expect them to operate in the way you would.
And you know you can always come back here for more advice. :o)
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