odd male behavior on match.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
odd male behavior on match.com
15
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:58am

A couple of questions. I'm trying match the second time in a year and I've been on there less than a couple of weeks. I'm wondering why a couple of men already have given me their personal email addresses in their first or second emails to me on match.com when the match emails are doing a fine job. One guy gave me two of his personal email addresses and he just emailed me his phone number since he seemed to be kind of hinting about wanting to meet up with me but didn't ask for my number outright. I don't volunteer my number unless a guy asks for it and feel funny about calling him so maybe I will email him to ask when's a good time for me to call him since he works odd hours and I'll also give him my number. Another guy asked me for my number after we both exchanged only one email which I think is a little early on given that I know nothing about him. Even so, it took him over two days to respond to my email so I thought he just ghosted on me. Another sent me a wink, I winked back and I didn't hear for him for over two days also when he gave me his personal email address. So I actually have three men I'm speaking to through email right now who haven't ghosted on me which I think is good, no? I just wanted to know why they are giving me their personal email addresses. It seems kind of strange to me.

On a funny note, I have a couple of guys who sent me emails once again even though I sent them "not interested" responses a few months back when I was on match. One of them seems to have a standarized response he seems to use on every woman he emails and it's full of typos and exclamation marks.

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:11am

>>The guy who didn't call, he asked me out for coffee for mid-week over email. And he said he'll call if he has time today.

Yeah, I'd agree THAT is odd. Why wouldn't he just call to ask you out for coffee and skip the whole mixed-message thing. I'd say go with your gut, were you already very interested, or just kind of so-so? Are you over-analyzing just because you tend to do that (I do too), or looking for an excuse to NEXT him?

"I don't accept dates over email" might be a little rigid by *my* standards, but we all have our preferences and that's probably not unreasonable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:17am
I lost all interest in him after he mentioned us meeting up in two separate emails but didn't ask to talk over the phone of for my number. In his emails, he jokes around about how great-looking he is, how great a catch he thinks he is and how busy he is which does not impress me in the least. He's not even that good-looking. So I'm hoping he won't call actually and I'm not responding to his last email. I can't accept a date with a guy who I never spoke to anyway. Thanks everyone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 01-22-2006 - 11:19am
My mother always told me that if a person has to sell themselves, you have to wonder what they're attempting to cover up... ;o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 6:42am

An update: He did call me that Sunday. Apparently, he has been working for over a week straight since his job requires him to be on call so I let it slide. He asked me out for Wednesday and I figured I might as well go out with him. I had a fun time with him and he was a gentleman. He emailed me less than 24 hours later, wishing me luck on my new job which I started this Thursday. I emailed back thanking him and saying that I had a nice time. He emailed me back again saying that he'd like to meet up with me next weekend since he's busy this weekend. I have yet to respond and figure I'll go out with him again. I like his personality and have figured out that his cocky remarks are just jokes so I don't take them too seriously. The problem is that I'm not terribly attracted to him physically. I figure I'll give it a few more dates before I decide (if he asks me out a few more times that is), and I'm hoping the attraction will build in that time. We have common interests and connect well over email as well as in person and that's what's important to me. With all the guys I've gone out with who I was strongly attracted to physically but who mistreated me, my standards now are different and I'm trying to look beyond the appearance when it comes to men.

I also had a funny incident on match. Since signing up, I notice when I click on someone in one of my "connections," I sometimes keep getting someone else's profile no matter how many times I try. Well, it appears that when I was in a hurry the other day, that happened, and I clicked "not interested" on a guy who I was very interested in after his profile popped up instead of the profile I selected. Has this happened to anyone else? He had sent me two emails up until that point and was the last one to reply though his replies were short and did not offer any information about himself or ask me questions about myself. Plus, he's the one who took two days to respond but when he got the "not interested" email, he emailed me right away to say that's he's confused and to ask if it's true that I'm not interested. I emailed him as soon as I got the email, explaining to him that it isn't true and that there must have been a mistake, responded to his previous email, joked around a bit to lighten the situation and asked him questions about himself. Well, he didn't respond which I'm not very surprised about. I just find it funny how he emailed me to ask about the "not interested" email when it appears that he had no intention to correspond with me after that point. Also, I love it when men who you stop corresponding with because they don't answer your questions and don't respond to your request to see more photos (one guy had what seemed like an ID photo on the site and nothing else) send you an email that they're not interested in you. This has been my experience on match so far and I'm thinking I should just start sending out winks because I'm not having much luck yet. It would help if all of them weren't inactive for the last few weeks though and it seems like the currently active ones are not ones that I would consider dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 12:05pm

One important thing you must know is to NEVER give out any personal information...specifically you phone number and/or primary email address. If they give you their phone number and you want to talk with them, press *67 and then enter their phone number, that way if they call caller ID, your name/number will not be displayed.

Also, create an email address at yahoo or hotmail and ensure that your personal information is not displayed when you email them.

You have no idea who you are really communicating with, it could be a kid, a woman, Lord only knows. I'm not saying there are not legitimate people out there looking for companions, however, there are also a lot of weirdos too.

If you decide to meet someone, make it during the day, at a public place where other people will be...perhaps a family style restaurant. And let a good friend or a family member know where you will be and who you will be meeting.

It is not a good idea to meet anyone face to face until you have emailed them long enough to get a good idea that they are not mixing up their information, and you should talk on the phone for awhile before meeting in person too.

Don't ever tell them where you live or work until you know them well too. You don't want to be stalked by a nutcase!

There are many "safe online dating" tips on the internet. Be sure you read and follow the advice carefully.

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