Oh brother...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Oh brother...
16
Sun, 12-03-2006 - 9:38pm

So, because I guess I must be either an incurable optimist or an incurable masochist ;-), I put another ad on CL last week and have been fielding responses. I also responded to a handful of ads I thought sounded promising. I talked on the phone a week ago with one of the guys whose ad I responded to (same day he posted the ad) and it was a good conversation. We talked about meeting some time this weekend but beyond an email early last week saying it was nice to talk to me and he'd be in touch, I didn't hear anything so I figured he'd ghosted.

But no...last night at 10:15 PM as I was driving home from performing with my choir, my phone rings. I didn't recognize the number so I didn't pick up and I'm SO glad I didn't--turns out it was this guy. He left a voicemail saying that he appreciated me answering his ad but he'd met someone very special so he wouldn't be meeting me.

Can you imagine if I'd actually picked up how awkward that conversation would have been? I can't believe he thought it was appropriate to call me at 10:15 PM on a Sat night to tell me he'd met someone else when we haven't even met yet.

But on the plus side, I have had a couple decent coffee meets...of course the guy I really liked hasn't called (and it's been a week, oh well), but another guy I think has some potential asked me out for dinner Friday night during our coffee meet yesterday so that's something. And I'm at the phone stage and trying to schedule coffee meets with a couple other guys.

Onward and upward...but I thought you'd all appreciate this story ;-).

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 3:42pm
It is good that at least he called though. He probably was doing it just to be courteous and not to brag or anything like that is what I'm thinking, but if it was me, I would have sent an email and if by small chance I was going to call someone I wouldn't have called at 10:15 at night. I know that after a first or 2nd date it's not common though to think that you met someone worthwhile so soon and to cancel out on another potential date. It usually takes most longer than that.....so who knows, maybe he was seeing this person before he even contacted you and it was too early to tell with her until he made a decision before meeting up with you. Who knows... even though it would be awkward to hear, I would rather someone tell me that they met someone else instead of just ghosting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 4:57pm

As I'm not CL, I don't need to but I see you've seen that. And I am free to use whatever words I want, thank you. He was pathetically unattractive to ME and that is my right to say so. You're entitled to your opinion that I may need to choose my words better, but as long as something does not violate TOS (which this most definitely doesn't), I am entitled to say what I want.

And in fact, I could take your post as a personal attack. You are not allowed to berate me and tell me what I can and cannot say.




Edited 12/4/2006 4:59 pm ET by vexer_hw

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 5:41pm

I did NOT personally attack you at all and you know it. I just think there shouldn't be any type of reference to another human being as pathetically unattractive. Shows what kind of human being you are.

F

**********pa·thet·ic Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–adjective 1. causing or evoking pity, sympathetic sadness, sorrow, etc.; pitiful; pitiable: a pathetic letter; a pathetic sight.
2. affecting or moving the feelings.
3. pertaining to or caused by the feelings.
4. miserably or contemptibly inadequate: In return for our investment we get a pathetic three percent interest.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 9:27pm

Well, different strokes for different folks, eh? I personally don't think it's "good" in the least that he called. I think it's rather arrogant of him to assume that a phone call is necessary--like I'm waiting around to hear from him or something, when I haven't even MET the guy!

IMO, silence is golden in this situation!!! I can infer his lack of interest in meeting me just fine from his silence, I don't need a phone call telling me that. An email would be slightly better although unnecessary IMO.

That's why I don't send thanks but no thanks emails as a rule, because I *hate* getting them so much.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 9:47pm
Well, except for a 10pm call, i think it WAS decent that he at least called, instead of ghosted completely. But I am sorry. BUT ... it sounds like you have some otehr decent stuff in the works

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 10:03pm

Hopefully, he thought he was doing the decent thing by calling, even though I don't agree that it was decent. Even though his behavior feels arrogant to me, I'm not going to assume that was his intent--I'll give him the benefit of the doubt in that respect. But it still bugged me to get that message ;-), although I'll get over it of course!

I hope that someone else would extend me the same grace when I *don't* send them a thanks but no thanks email, because to me, NOT sending one is doing the decent thing ;-).

Yes, I've got some irons in the fire--we'll see if anything comes of any of them. Hope so, I could use a change of dating luck ;-).

Sheri

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