Oh, for God's SAKE!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Oh, for God's SAKE!!!
6
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:27pm

I've been doing OLD on and off for almost 2 years, and there's one guy that has winked or e-mailed me probably 5 or 6 times in all that time. I'm not attracted to him, and his profile doesn't interest me, therefore, I obviously don't respond. But every so often, he pops back up...

Well, I just got this e-mail from him...

"am I that ugly to where you cant even talk to me?"

It's no wonder this guy is single, if he cops an attitude on girls he contacts who don't contact back!! Would you ever really do that? Does he expect that every girl he contacts is going to contact him?

...crazy people...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 9:50pm
Why not just say thanks, but no thanks?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 11:15pm
Agreed. If I get contacted more than twice by a guy and I am not interested, I will finally send the "thanks but I just don't think we're a match" and block. I had a guy on Match send me like 3 different communications in less than a week's span. He winked, he sent an email and then sent another email similar to that one - it said something like "if you're not interested, just let me know" after he'd gone on about how he really thought you had to get to know someone before just dismissing them. Well, I wasn't attracted to anything about him and sorry, I just didn't feel like "getting to know him". So I sent one of the canned replies on Match and blocked him. Easy as that. But yes, sometimes guys just don't take the "silence" as a hint that you don't want to talk. They need it spelled out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 9:17am

I have to wonder what he hoped to accomplish by sending you that email...did he think you would suddenly think, "I've been a fool!" and write him back, professing your undying love?

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 1:10pm

I never liked having "silence" as a response.

I always prefer explicit "Thanks but no thanks" for the reason is that people don't check email all the time and/or are away for a time so Not getting a response could mean that as well. I have had contact with people who were interested but for various reasons they did not respond.

I know for most people that the rules are different for online but I am old fashioned in how I want to communicate with others, using the Golden Rule, i.e. treat others as how I would like to be treated myself.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 1:31pm
I agree - I do that too. I actually prefer no answer so that is what I do. I think if it goes several days with no response, that indicates no interest to me. I don't NEED them to reject me flat out. If they don't respond, I can come up with my OWN reason they reject me! ;-) They've met the love of their life, they left the country, they're trapped under something heavy and can't get to the computer... But as you said, I do unto others as I would have them do unto me. I prefer silence and only give the no thanks email if it gets excessive.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 1:35pm

Mark,

I agree completely. I prefer some version of "thanks but no thanks." And in most cases that's what I send. I do have a couple of cases where I chose not to reply at all. These were cases where the guy's profile was of someone so very insecure and/or with such a huge chip on his shoulder that I feared any response would set him off. (One profile literally began by listing all the things that were wrong with the guy and ended that he hoped he could find someone to love him anyway. It was very sad, but I sure didn't want to get involved in any way. It's sort of like the pathetic looking doggie in the corner. If you even look his way, he may follow you home.)

But in general I am with you. I prefer to get a reply because it tells me that the guy received the message and is not interested instead of maybe he hasn't checked his mail, or he isn't a paying member yet and I may hear from him. In contrast, when I actually get a "not interested" response, I always set the guy to "don't show this person again" and I don't keep seeing him in my searches, which is also more efficient for me.