oh my goodness... somewhat epic tale

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
oh my goodness... somewhat epic tale
3
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 2:27am

so I've never been here before but I'd appreciate some comments and advice. Thank you so much in advance.

I met this guy, not through online dating, but through a message board about applying to a particular type of graduate school program. It's a long and fairly involved process and the regulars on the message board got to know one another, added each other on facebook and friends on gchat (and many as future classmates at different schools across the country).

Anyway, many of us have kept in touch since we applied to schools three years ago, talking about our respective programs and offering support to one another during the school year. This guy (let's call him John) and I talked on gchat fairly frequently. We've always gotten along really well and I certainly had a bit of a crush on him, we have just about everything in common, but he lives in a different state, so I never really thought much about it.

Last new years (NYE 2008-09), he sent me a message through facebook saying "Happy New Year! I didn't have your number to text you, but hope you're having a great night!"
I get facebook messages to my cell, so I wrote back, "Happy New Year!" and sent my number, telling him to text me next time. I never heard from him via text, but we kept talking through gchat or facebook over the year.

Last week (NYE 2009-10) I get a text message saying "happy new year!" and a reference to my screen name from the graduate school message board. I replied "Happy New Year, who is this?" and he responded that it was John. I was flattered that he'd kept my number over the past year.

I was fairly drunk and happy to hear from him, told him he was awesome and that I wished I really knew him. He sent back a messaging saying "remember the time I told my friends I'd fallen in love with a girl I'd never met? haha awkward" which I didn't catch at first, because I'd been receiving other text messages. We had a somewhat broken conversation via text message because my phone wasn't working properly. I said that I was probably embarrassing myself and he responded that we were both embarrassed since he'd just admitted to being in love with me for the past few years. I said something about how it was a shame he didn't live in my state and wondered why I could not say the right thing. He told me I already had and wished me happy new years again.

Since then, neither of us have sent a text message, email, gchat message, facebook or anything.

My concern is, now what? what's happened here???

I really don't want to lose him as a friend, which I knew sounds silly, seeing as we've never met, but I don't want it to be awkward. I don't really know what to say or do now.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 3:15pm
I would probably just contact the way you normally would. If it's usually a month or two, maybe just wait. If he's usually the one to contact, you may want to wait for him to contact you. I think you could actually just contact him and not even reference NYE--I don't think you need to straighten anything out here really unless you felt really compelled to. It could be as simple as, "It was great talking to you on New Years--how's coming along?" After all, you were both drinking, he may just be viewing this as a harmless flirtation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 11:30am
Thank you so much for your reply. And I agree, I don't think he actually "in love" with me by any means. I'm just concerned that this might change the nature of our interactions. And should I contact him? wait until he contacts me? how long? and reference the NYE thing how?
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 01-06-2010 - 7:47am

One of the things people talk a lot about on this board is how you really can't have a relationship with someone you have never met. It's nearly impossible not to build that person up in your mind, to make assumptions that aren't true. I've heard many stories of people communicating online for a long time, only to have it fall flat when they meet.

There really is no way John can be "in love" with you if you've never even met. This is not to say that at some point you might meet and it works out—in fact, I hope that happens. So you got a little drunk and said some things you feel embarrassed about. I don't think that's such a big deal really.

As to what to do now: I'd just wait a while and contact him, maybe make a brief reference to your NYE conversation and go from there. I don't see any reason why you can't continue to be online "friends." But, if you ever want to make it more, you'll really need to meet and spend time together.