Oh my...OLD is gettingOLD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Oh my...OLD is gettingOLD!
27
Mon, 10-24-2005 - 6:00pm

ACK!!! I think old is really a tough place, we all know it....but it is sooo frustrating and deceiving too! Only 1 of 4 have looked like their pictures so far! Some have been so disappointing, it is not funny. Today, the guy I met (he did finally call and want to meet, even after ignoring me on the IM the other day) today was not as nice looking as one would think from his pictures, but not only that, he had a bad attitude...really was over-upset with being stuck in traffic....and then wanted a "drink" badly...and still seemed to be almost angry because I told him I had met other people from OLD and might continue to see one guy. We walked as we talked...He said he wanted a one on one and not a dating people thing...I said, yeah, I want that too....but you have to get to know people first to know if you want to be one on one with them....He agreed. But he gave me sarcastic looks right off the bat....seemed angry. I called him on it an said we are having the drink and leaving (the restaurant). I put up with no *stuff* in that regard with anger over nothing and attitudes. Who needs it?
I spoke to my favorite guy online. But he too is probaby *really* going to be history sometime soon....No really...I mean it. ;)

Sara

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:03pm
Well, I guess it's all in what each person sees as progress with OLD. For me, e-mail would be a MUCH slower way to communicate than instant messaging, but there is a point where the messaging should stop and then the phone calls should be more frequent and then you should meet. I don't want to just "chat" for months before meeting, although I have heard of people doing that and meeting and they end up getting married. I don't want to wait that long before meeting someone. There is something about the face-to-face meet that makes or breaks the future of the possible relationship. Since I have only recently started talking to this one guy, I will wait a bit longer before I make any big judgements, but most women analyze the hell out of situations. I'm guilty as charged on that count. :0
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:08pm
I have to agree about emailing and even IMing wasting time...unless you really *like* to chat regardless of where it goes, which is okay! :) I have a new policy of wanting to meet within a week of the first contact. Really! I spent too much time IM'ing and on the phone with the first one, and I developed "feelings", (real or imagined-) for him before I met him...and it just intensified after we met, and he *does not* feel the same about me and toys with me...It is better to meet quickly, I say!
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:19pm
I think it can be possibly too soon and sometimes not soon enough. I think it depends on the two people involved. In that one instance, it was actually good that I met the guy as soon as I did because he was totally NOT a match for me. But, normally, I would want to spend some time instant messaging & calling for a while BEFORE meeting. Maybe that is just me, but I'd prefer to know a bit more about them before I meet. I think e-mail is a much slower way of communicating if you are trying to get to know someone, at least it seems to be for me. I'm for whatever works for everyone though. My wish for myself and the people who post here is that they meet the one they're supposed to be with and won't have to go through a lot of bad dates in order to find him or her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:24pm

Yes, email is a lot slower to me also. However, I am a meet them and find out quick kind of girl these days....You can find out if they are a dork or someone you are attracted to...someone creepy or someone wonderful just as well in person, and it seems to be more merciful for saving time and emotions...You just meet in public for safety! Just my opinion!

Sara

 
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 2:08pm

But hasn't that been an issue for you, getting too attached before you even meet and then being really disappointed when it doesn't work out? Maybe it's time to try a new approach. I think it's a GOOD thing that email is slower...it prevents us from trying to "get to know" someone online, which cannot be done, IMO. It's a fallacy that you can get to know someone either by email, IM'ing or talking on the phone. Use it for *screening* only. The sooner you take to RL, the better.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 2:57pm
No, I think you might confuse me with someone else. I do not get too attached UNTIL after we actually meet and start dating. As I said previously, it can work both ways. Depends on the guy. In the one instance, I wish I had gotten to know him better before I started dating him, and the other one...well, I was glad I found out early that his ideas about sex and mine were totally on different pages of the book.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:15pm

As a guy who just generally dislikes chatting I can understand some of your perspectives. If there is someone I'm interested in, I'd much rather meet her and have a living, breathing woman (Ok, maybe it's been awhile so I'm settling) to spend time with rather than some inane chat. I say that if the guy is more into the chatting instead of planning a meet then there is something else going on.

Take care.

Jdub

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