Ok everybody, here's the thing

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Ok everybody, here's the thing
24
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 3:38pm

It's not that the fact GG didn't take down his profile is irrelevant.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 4:38pm

the only reason I thought the rubberband analogy might apply is because you feel he is going to ghost. in my experience that feeling could be ghosting or its the rubberband.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 4:54pm

I've spent most of my adult life being 'emotionally unavailable' even though I have had relationships and was married for 9 years.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:05pm

I'm sorry you're feeling so tense about it. Maybe just deciding for yourself that you won't ask him about it at least until you see each other in person (which it sounds like you won't be doing for a while anyway) would be a good compromise and enable you to put it out of your mind for the time being.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:07pm

Ok, that makes sense.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:10pm

I agree, we will never learn how to be in a healthy emotionally available relationship unless we do it...and hopping from one relationship to the next is not going to teach us the correct behavior. we need to stay in a relationship and figure out the small stuff that other people dont have problems with. We both need to practice how do we resolve the small issues so they dont turn into the big ones. communication and compromise....

remember how when you were little and you heard about adults divorcing and at least I always heard how it was over the small stuff. like toothpaste caps. I always thought that was the lie adults gave. we were incompatiable...he left the toothpaste cap off...but when there is no communication in a relationship that is the stuff you end up fighting over. With my ex it was loading the dishwasher his was was right and mine was wrong no matter how it was done...

right now I am in a relationship that is scary to me....I have streached my boundries and its a good thing....only a week and a half until we go on our weekend trip...(scared to death..but excited!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:13pm

That is exciting!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 5:17pm
if he is ghosting then he is leaving the profile up to shop.....if he is rubberbanding then I dont know why the heck he left it up...(maybe because he is a guy!) either way in my list making style of worrying this worry would go to the bottom of the the list. And it would keep going to the bottom for a while until it worked itself out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 8:42pm

I disagree that this is a simple matter, because I'm yet to find a simple matter when it comes to dating or relationships. If not talking about it is a weight off your shoulder, then that is what you should do in my opinion. You can always have the conversation later if you need to.

Also, someone help out a newbie....what do you mean by "he's going to ghost"?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 8:44pm

To ghost--to disappear without a word. Happens all the time in dating, particularly OLD...so someone on the board coined a term for it ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 8:58pm
Oh, yes, um hummm...I'm very familiar with the experience. Thanks for helping with the term!