Ok, just need a little insight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Ok, just need a little insight...
7
Sat, 11-28-2009 - 11:46pm
Hi, I just started OLD about a week ago and I've already hit a snag! I got an email from a guy I was interested in on Thanksgiving day, and since then we've e-mailed back and forth about 6 or 7 times. We have tons in common and we seem to have the same communication style. So he went out for the day today so he gave me his number in the last text and told me to text him. We texted back and forth all day and we were even joking around about meeting up. He even said "where am I taking you?" He let me know when he was on his way back so I could go online and we could IM. We talked for about 10 minutes, again he referenced taking me out somewhere, and then poof! For about 15 minutes, then he came back, said sorry and to give him like 5 more minutes and asked if i'd still be up, I said yeah sure. Then nothing! I waited for like 45 minutes! I said something like, well, I gotta go, hope everything's ok, and signed off. So I don't know what to think of this. Is he just a flake or do you think he really had an emergency situation to deal with that he couldn't let me know what was going on? I was getting really excited about this guy too, but I guess that's the danger of OLD. What do you people think?
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 7:49am

Welcome to the wonderful world of OLD. The basic rule of thumb is that a guy should ask to meet you within three emails. I think a lot of texting and emailing before you meet is unproductive. It's best to meet as soon as possible so that you don't build up an unrealistic picture of someone. I also prefer the man to do the asking.

Some guys just like the whole cyber-flirt thing and have no intention of actually meeting anyone. I don't know what this guy's deal is, but I would be losing interest. What's with all the IM and texting? Why not just get on the phone and set up a meeting? If it were me, I would take a long time to respond to a text (if at all) and I don't IM with guys online. But that's just me.

And I understand getting excited about someone--and I think that's a good thing--but all of us on this board have had the experience of "hitting it off" with someone online, but then meeting and having no attraction. It's a weird phenomenon, but there you have it.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 5:09pm

Yes, I can't emphasize enough two things:


1.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 6:11pm

It’s obvious that you were getting excited – actually too excited – about someone you’ve never even met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 7:13pm

Wow, that last post seemed a little bitter if you ask me! I, like most people today, like to stay connected with technology these days, and always have my phone on me, so texting, e-mailing, or IMing is no big deal in my book. When I was busy or he was busy, we didn't text or e-mail, but we responded to each other when we could. I don't see how that's a problem. And yeah, I'm getting a little excited about this guy, not that I'm not e-mailing other guys, but they seem to take forever to get back to me. I am not the kind of girl that waits around for a guy. Which is why I found other things to do last night while he went MIA, and I signed off when I went to bed, which is what I always do.

To update this story, he saw me on AIM this morning and promptly apologized for disappearing last night, explained what happened (i'm not going to tell you the whole story but it seemed like a good reason), and told me he would make it up to me by taking me out on Friday night.

So I think the moral of this story is, there are no set "rules" about meeting people online. Everyone is different, and what might seem like too much contact before meeting someone to one person, might be just the right amount for someone else. I, for example, tried OLD once before a couple years ago. I met one guy that wanted to meet right away. We ended up meeting, then meeting again, and he wanted to move the relationship along REALLY fast. Like, after a month of dating he wanted to say I love you and was talking about moving in together!! Maybe a clue was that he wanted to meet me after 2 e-mails! I ended up having to break his heart. I am going to trust my own instincts on this one, which are telling me that when you are interested in someone, you want to get to know them and talk to them! I was enjoying the cyber-flirting too if I'm going to be honest :)

Oh and I didn't give him my number right away, he gave me his when he wasn't going to be around a computer all day so that I could text him. I guess I could have called him, but I was out and about all day too, so texting seemed like a good option.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 8:51pm

Okay, so you don't like responses unless they tell you what you want to hear.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 9:06pm

One of the points I was trying to make is that you don't "get to know" someone by texting them, you get to know someone by spending time with them in person, over time.


He may or may not turn out to be a good guy and a good fit for you...only time will tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2008
Sun, 11-29-2009 - 9:27pm
Sheri and Floridagirl, thank you for the constructive advice. I am going to try not to get my expectations too high on this one. I think because of my one bad experience I may be a little leery of actually meeting the guy. I just have to get past that, be realistic, and stay grounded. I'll let you know how Friday goes!