An OLD 1st for me--and Y'all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
An OLD 1st for me--and Y'all?
8
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:17pm

Hi Y'all,

Well, "He saw me and I did not see him" Guy, who then emailed me and was very excited about meeting me, did go out of town on biz, and Did call the minute he got back, in fact, twice that night, and we made plans for the next Tuesday. He had his kids this weekend, there was a birthday dinner with his kids ,for him, and I already had a Saturday night date, and work Sunday and Monday (10-14 hour days)...so tonight would have been best.

Would? Yep!

'Twas his birthday Sunday, so Sunday I sent a quick "HB wishes" email. Got home that night to a sweet return reply to that, but no mention of Tuesday's date. AT THAT POINT, I swear, my Intuition started sending up flares...hmmmmm? Within an hour, he called and we chatted 10 minutes and then:

"I need to tell you about something..."
Cue "Jaws" music...

"Well, about 8 months ago, I met a lady, we did well the first 5 months, and the last 3 have been off and on...more "Off"...so after our last tiff, I decided I was done and moved on. I saw your profile and was thrilled and emailed you. This weekend,she called me a few times and right now I think it would be best that we not go out on Tuesday. I need to think about what to do. I mean, I Know I like so much about You, but would not want to put you in the middle, so I need to decide what to do"

See? His profile was hideen soon after we met, and a yeller flag went into the sky then...could be that when he was paying SO much attention to my 'details' that night in the restaurant, it might have peaked Her radar, if it was the same woman? Or maybe she went online and found him 'active' and the sparkage flew!? I have no idea..no my biz! HE said he just quit calling and they did not discuss a True "end", although they had fought and been distant as of late...all month.--went out only once in February (that night?!)

Cupcake's reply (sweetly):
"I understand and I appreciate your being honest with me. No, I would Not be put in between you all; life is confusing enough without that. If we meet and things went well, I would want us to take it day by day,get to know each other, and do so freely, as we please, and without drama. So, please do take the time to think, I wish you the best, and you have my phone number and email if you would like to ask me out again. Thank you for being Man enough to consider my feelings."

He was massive amazed at my attitude, and went on a bit about How much he already liked me, though he has seen me, we have not really 'met'...I said I understood, wished him the best and said 'bye'--did not feel the need to be his 'Dr. Phil' at that moment.

Oh well...later days.

So, did I just get hit by a Smooth Criminal? I hope he was sincere and have been looking at it as such. Naive, or no? My friends say he will call within a week, because if he did not like the lady's 'tude before, leopards (male or female!) rarely chage their spots, and she will go back to the ways he "did not care for".

Meanwhile...Ding! Next! I am writing to 3 more right now....this is WHY we should not attach in ANY way for a while..as is always said here!

Whatcha' think?

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:37pm

I think it's hard reading your posts without laughing. Jaws music!! I love it!! So apt.

You handled the situation like a true Lady. What amazes me is that he didn't promptly get off his frigging fence on the spot. Oh well.

Here's the kind of guy I stay weeelllll away from: the perpetual fence sitter. His story is that he likes this other gal and the drama. What will happen for a period of time (maybe years -- read donna's posts!) is that she will be the ex he is always hung up on and everyone else is the soother.

Way to keep those prospects in place!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:42pm

Hi Amjay,,

Thank you! Really appreciate your reply, it makes me feel so much better about what went on! Looking forward to what the others feel happened as well, this board is a bright spot of Sanity!!!

Does it not SO feel like a pool of sharks sometimes, and you are the "Sirloin Dinner with a Loaded Baked Potato" of Life, out there among them in these uncharted waters!?

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 11:30pm

If I may quote you, sweetness...

ROLL ON LITTLE ROCK, ROLL ON!!!

Good job, nice grace, kind email, you are true to yourself so don't falter.

:) :) :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 11:59pm

Hey, at least he gave you some explanation. Yeah, he might be one of those fools that likes "b**ches" but at least you got some closure.

There was no other way to handle it...

Claribeth

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:22am

I think you handled it perfectly, and since he hasn't shown any reason to really mistrust him I'd say he probably told you the truth.

And if/when he ever does completely end it with his off-on-off-on gal, he might come back around. If that happens, I'd urge you to be SURE he's really done with her- like he should be completely done, no contact, for several months, minimum.

You did what needed to be done with grace, class, and still standing up for yourself. Bravo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 1:38am

I like your style lady! Your email to him was very good! When I find out anyone has been going through the back and forth thing - I don't get involved. I want them to be ready to let our relationship evolve without another woman and THEIR issues in the equation also.

But I agree with your friends that he'll probably be calling soon! New pastures always look great especially when the old ones are requiring so much upkeep and care, and especially since he got such a good look at you the other night! I would just be wary if he does call - but it sounds like you have it together pretty well anyway! Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 5:38am
I dunno but if you see him within the next 6 months on a date you'll be launching yourself right into the middle of whatever drama he has playing (I always assume people I don't know tell me about half of what's really going on).
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 12:22pm

I missed this one & just noticed it...