OLD back in the game

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
OLD back in the game
6
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 10:24am

I found this site helpful to learn about OLD.

Honestly, after I broke up with my bf from OLD, I didn't feel too hurt but feel like I learned valuable lessons and found what I want from the one I'd like to be with. I learned a good lession from my previous OLD relationship which was my first. I think my mistake was, he was the second person to meet in person and first and last to date second time. So basically I met him then I just become exclusive with him right away. Not that I intended to be that way but it just happend. I wasn't interested in dating a few guys. Also I didn't know enough about OLD and him being an expert on OLD ( he has been on Eharmony, match for a few years and who knows maybe longer and maybe with other online dating sites) So I admit I was naive. Still I have a lot more to learn.

Anyway, now I am back in the game. I reactivated Match and revised my profile based upon what I learned from my relationship.

I've talked to this guy since 11/24 when he sent me an email.
He's 8 years older than me.(I am 30 and he's 38) Let me call him "M". M is well educated, not a bad looking, has a few start up companies. Seems mature so far.We have met 4 times so far. The very first real date was this past Friday. Went to dinner and dance. We had a great time together. And I met his best friend and his gf yesterday.

M is pretty intriguing. He's not giving me too obvious messages of us going in a right direction. But it's very hard for me to guess what he wants. He's respecful, funny, attentive, and well mannered.
My best guess is because he's older than me 8 years. Probably he has a lot more experience. So far, not very obvious warning signs yet. I think he's being careful as well. I know I need to trust my instinct and my gut feelings. I am being careful and at the same time I am trying to have a good time with him.

I am not sure what to look forward to at this point. I am trying to read all the advise this board has and try not to make any mistake.

Also, I am talking to a few guys actually there's this guy who's on his vacation in Japan and possibly coming back in town in a few days. He wants to meet me. I think I will definately check him out in person.


I will keep you all posted and please let me know if you some insights.

Thanks,

J

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 10:30pm

It sounds like you are on the right track with everything.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 10:49pm
Good for you. I can't quite find it in myself to continue with OLD for now, but it always inspires me to see others brush themselves off and carry on with a spirit of optimism.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 10:32pm

Thanks for the comment. Sometimes I wonder if I am being too cautious. With this guy M, it's really hard to read him. He seems like he's into me. I wonder if it's about the age thing. I am sure he has lots of experiences on dating since he's 38 and never been married.

After Friday night, on Saturday, he asked me over the phone ( after thanking me for the nice time on Friday night) if I would help him painting his kitchen so I said yes. I called him when I got close to his house, he said he was about to have lunch with his best friend and gf and asked me to join them. They seemed pretty cool. After that I helped him painting his kitchen. Things went pretty smooth I guess.

Then yesterday, I bumped into him in a bookstore. (what kind of chance it could be to bump into someone you know in a bookstore on Sunday afternoon ?)I was totally caught by him off guard. I felt really awkward and we talked about 3 mins then I let him go. I actually supposed to go see him singing in a church in the afternoon, but I felt sick so I returned home with mixed feeling of confusion and guilty of not being able to keep my promise. Even if I didn't feel sick, I probably didn't want to go see him the same day. For some reason, I just felt really odd. I don't know how to explain this.

I was so worried if I looked like I was waiting to meet someone else on Match at the bookstore ! It was that awkward ! In fact, I was taking sometime for myself reading some books and magazines while waiting for my best friend ( girl friend) to call me back.

(Maybe it's because I am on PMS. Maybe because I've been pretty busy with work. I have a lot of things going on right now. I got a job about 2 months ago and I had interview with a new company and currently waiting for them to get back to me with the final answer.)

Anyway, the thing is after I returned home and felt bad about not being able to make it to his show in a church so I sent him an email explaining what happened and also apologized about the awkwardness in the bookstore and at the end I asked him to call me when he got the email. He did call me back as soon as he returned from church. I repeated what I said in the email (cause I think it's more personal on the phone) and he asked if everything was ok. I said things were ok and told him that I would be going out of town whole week this week. I told him that about 2 weeks ago but he seemed to forgot about it. He asked me to call him when I get back in town. Am I thinking too much?
My gut feeling is pretty accurate and that's what I learned from reading all the posts on this board. But this time, I am a bit lost and started losing my grip a bit. I might need to get myself ready to let him go. Eventually, it's really not worth of anything if I lose myself. (if I get upset or angry or irritated by a guy I barely know, then that's really against what I've taught myself after all these years of heart breaking relationships I had) I've been checking emails if he had sent any emails ever since last night. So far nothing.

Help me to think straight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 10:42pm

Why wait until you get back into town to call him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 10:50pm

I think I am really confused. And I want to know what he feels about me first.
I don't like to be rejected. I guess I am a big chicken now. Maybe I will try to call him sometime this week.
I don't want it to end to be honest. But I don't want to get hurt by emotionally investing so much after all.

Maybe I should think about giving him a call sometime during the week.
Thank you for your comment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:55am

The only way to protect yourself from getting hurt in relationships is to not have any relationships.

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