Like the old boyfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Like the old boyfriend
7
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 8:53pm

My boyfriend dumped me last March and in the last couple months, I've finally been feeling like I'd like to try dating again.

I posted an ad on craigslist right before New Year's and got several responses, but there was only one guy who I was really interested in. I like him a lot.

Last week, I wasn't feeling the greatest and didn't e-mail much. I heard nothing back from him either. On Sunday, I e-mailed to tell him I'd been sick and since I'd heard nothing, maybe he wasn't interested anymore. I didn't hear back until Tuesday and he just said he had wondered what was going on. My question is if I hadn't e-mailed him, was he going to bother to contact me?

In an e-mail yesterday, I asked him if he'd like to meet sometime. He replied today and said and I quote, "Yes, I would. That being said, I should let you know that I'm pretty booked right now. I have time Sunday, or Monday or Wednesday evening."

He reminds me exactly of my ex, who never was able to find time to be with me and wasn't willing to make time for me either.

I just don't think he's that into me and I should end it now before things go any further. Thoughts?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 9:40pm

End what? There's nothing to "end" at this point! And how can someone be "into" you if he's never even MET you?

I can't imagine why anyone would make someone they have never met a priority. Making time to meet a stranger this weekend (4 days from now) sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

I just think your expectations for being prioritized by him are a bit high given that he is a stranger at this point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 9:45pm
he sounds like a jerk. He has 3 evenings open and thinks he is pretty booked!!
I did not like the way he puts it. It certainly says that he is not all that interested.
You say you like him a lot but you have nt met him yet. For all you know he might be just another player who needs these games to get your interest. And is not that worth it without them.
I would say drop it. The beginning is usually the best phase of the relationship, if even this is bad, the later phases wont be that promissing.
I dont know how you feel but if I were you I would not even bother responding to him.
Just ghost on this idiot :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 01-18-2006 - 10:03pm
He did give you three open nights. Why not take one and see what happens?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 9:57am

At least he did give you some times that he did have available. There have been 3 guys I've been interested in who all had jobs that allowed very little time for any social activities. Two of them had jobs that were basically "on-call" type positions. Even though I work 2 jobs myself, I have some set times off. Trying to plan to meet a guy who might get a call to go out of town with little notice just never worked out.

I think the thing to consider is if he cancels on you or cancels more than once. At this point, I'd try to meet him on a night you both have free. The trucker guy cancelled on me 3 times, even though they were all tentative meets and I knew that that might happen. Men who have too much on their plate and can never carve out any time for a relationship need not have a profile on any dating site. If there was only a way to know which ones were in that group before contacting, it would save a lot of headaches.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:57am

You haven't even met him yet and your already going to stop it. It doesn't mean that when you meet if he's really into you that he won't make additional time for you but he really doesn't need to be bending over backwards before he even meets you, he has 3 days that he's available to meet, I think that's pretty good in one week. Why not meet him instead of writing someone off.

Also, just an FYI your emailing and asking "are you not interested" seems a bit needy for someone you haven't met so I'd keep that kind of line of emails to a minimum. It screams insecurity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:04pm

I'm with Sheri. You have never even met this guy and yet you are expecting him to make you a priority in his life. It's a little early for that. He gave you 3 nights that he could meet - why not pick one and meet him before writing him off? You can't judge that he is going to be like your old boyfriend until you give him a little time to prove himself one way or the other. Good grief - you were sick and didn't email for days, who's to say that he doesn't have a lot going on in his life? I don't think he sounds like a jerk or like he's unavailable. If he hadn't wanted to meet you, he could have hemmed and hawed but he gave you three concrete times he could meet. This time of year is a crazy time for many people with work - year end reports are due, budgets have to be done...

Also, who knows that if you meet him that you'll even hit it off. 99% of first meets go no further. If you should like each other when you meet, go from there and see if his behavior of not making plans with you or canceling plans escalates. I won't even say "continues" because I don't see anything wrong with his response. He's giving you time but on a more set schedule, what more do you want at this point?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 4:02pm

"He did give you three open nights. Why not take one and see what happens?"-Could not have said it better myself.


Why not try it.

CL-Truewild1969

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