OLD Etiquette

Avatar for sierradawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
OLD Etiquette
Thu, 03-11-2010 - 11:55pm

Hi all,

I'm totally new to online dating and I wanted to kind of hash out the basics. I gather from reading the board that I should be going out after just a couple emails to see if there is a real life connection but I'm finding that I have conversations going with a couple of guys at the same time. Now they want to meet which I'm certainly interested in but is it okay to set up a meeting with one guy then another one later that week or something? Should I be assuming that they are also doing the same thing. Talking to and meeting multiple women? It seems like a lot of juggling. Or is it best to see one guy a couple times and then decide if you are going to move on before contacting another one.

I mean, its just dating right? It's for socializing, hanging out, making friends that may lead to more? Not everyone I meet is going to be something serious. Or am I committing a dating etiquette faux pas by talking to more than one person at a time. Incidentally, as I mentioned, I haven't even met these guys yet. I just don't want to get myself in a heap of trouble by misunderstanding how this works.

Edited 3/12/2010 12:15 am ET by sierradawn
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
In reply to: sierradawn
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 10:11am

Yes, you have to assume that the man is talking to, and setting up dates with other women, and it's perfectly okay. Until the time that two people decide that they will be exclusive, it's okay to date more than one person. It should be the don't ask, don't tell policy. Even though you assume the other person is communicating with other people, it's not pleasant to hear about it from them. One guy who I hadn't met yet was supposed to call me at a particular time and he didn't. He later said he was helping his daughter with her homework, but later admitted that he had a date with someone, but it didn't work out. It was a total turnoff to me, and I ended up not meeting with him.

In my experience, it was rarer that I would meet someone and we both had chemistry for each other. 9 out of 10 times, one or both of us wouldn't be attracted to the other, or if we were, after the 2nd or 3rd date, found that our personalities clashed or we had different dating goals, and ended it. So don't sweat having two dates with two different guys in the same week. If they both worked out, you probably most likely would like one better than the other, or that one suited you better than the other.

Everyone has their own comfort levels on how they do things. If I had two guys that I planned to meet, I might temporarily hide my profile so that I don't get overwhelmed with more new guys contacting me. If the dates didn't work out, I unhid my profile and started the process over again. Likewise, if I dated someone and really liked them, I would usually keep it hidden, because when I'm interested in someone, I'm really not interested in dating anyone else, even if I don't know whether or not it will work out. I didn't expect him to hide his--it was just something I was comfortable doing for myself. Some people like to juggle a lot of men and see which one works out in the long run.

As for me, I wouldn't be intimate with someone unless we were dating exclusively. Please be aware that some men misrepresent themselves. I would only contact men who had their listing under "Long Term relationship," as that was my goal. But after dating them, I would find out that they just wanted to play the game of getting the goods and moving onto the next woman. They are all charming at the beginning. It takes time to know their real intent. Good luck and hope you find a good one! I did, but it took 2 and a half years of frustrating and hilarious dating

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sierradawn
Fri, 03-12-2010 - 9:45pm

Yes, it's very common to be talking to, meeting and dating more than one person at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
In reply to: sierradawn
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 8:29pm
I too had the same misgivings about dating more than one guy at a time, probably because in my past experience I'd date someone, become serious, then things would end. But I think it's perfectly okay to "date" more than one guy until you figure out if you like them enough to be exclusive. And I agree, it takes several dates to really get to know someone enough to go to that next step.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.