OLD Experiment– Draw your own conclusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
OLD Experiment– Draw your own conclusion
9
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 3:40pm


I’m divorced, successful, and attractive but 55 years young, so the activity I’ve received via OLD is disappointing. The guys in my age range seem to want a girl 10-15 years younger, go figure! Most of the contacts I’ve received are from married men, scammers or losers. I like to think I will find a LTR but it will probably take years at my age, so decided to have some fun with the OLD!

A couple of friends (happily married) agreed to let me use their pic on match. They are very attractive, blonde, and successful and had very good pics. I gave them identical profiles, both ages 44, successful, good income, lived in same city, same height, etc., and the profile I wrote up basically didn’t say much at all, the jest of the profile was that “any man is lucky to catch me”. The only difference was one had short blonde hair (she is actually a model for a well known clothing line) and the other had long blonde hair. Both pics were excellent. Ready for the results!!!

My model friend with short blonde hair had about 30 views a day, several winks and about 2-4 emails a day. My long haired blonde friend had 150 views a day, very few winks and 25-30 emails a day. Now let me think about this, identical profiles, 2 attractive blondes, and age 44 and the one with long hair was a big hit, go figure!

My personal conclusion is the guys don’t read the profile; look at the age range you specified or anything but the pic. I wonder if some of these guys can really read, some certainly don’t know the English language! I believe OLD is all about looks based on my experiment.

What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 4:41pm
Ha! Makes me feel really good that I don't have my pic up there with my profile... A really interesting experiment by the way, good work! Did you notice any differences in the emails sent to both women? You could almost publish your findings...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 6:40pm

Those are interesting results. I'm not really surprised, however, that given two equally bland and basic profiles the one with the long hair wins. The match.com enterprise knows this: remember that "long hair" is an option for "turn ons" on the Match profile. "Short hair" is not. ;)

I'm not sure it necessarily proves that guys just look at the pictures. Since the profiles didn't say much of anything, what else did they have to look at? Another study might pair a really good looking gal with a terrible profile on the one hand, and a "plain but nice looking" gal with a wonderful profile on the other hand.

My feeling about OLD is that it reflects the demographics. In our age bracket, there are more unattached women than men and the culture makes it easier for the men to look for younger women than it makes it for the women to look for younger men. It's not just in OLD. What OLD does is compress the results, give us more chance to see the problem up close.

I am 50 and I have been divorced for almost 1/2 year. I've been on Match some four months. In these four months, I have received at least 30 winks and at least 12 initial e-mails as well as at least 5 positive responses to my own e-mails and winks. This may not seem like a lot compared to what younger, thinner women get, but it's more male attention than I have had in real life.

In this four month period, I have had phone conversations with and/or come close to meeting at least four guys who disappeared on me before meeting and another four or five who I decided after some interaction that I did not want to meet. And I have met three guys, none of whom was right for me, but all three of whom were relatively decent guys.

And they are three more guys than I have met in real life. The closest I have come to a date in real life through this same period was lunch twice with a professional acquaintance who seemed very interested when he heard of my divorce but who has disappeared since. I mourn him particularly because he is the only man who's shown interest in me who is my equal in education and professional status.

Yes, I am disappointed that the small handful of professional, attractive men in the 45-60 age bracket on OLD have no interest in me. But it's not really any different from real life, except that with OLD I at least get a few dates.

And I can say that the guys who I got to meet in person (and a few who only e-mailed before one or both lost interest) had indeed read my profile. They liked it and had comments about it.

In short, I am not going to trash OLD--it is better than nothing. Furthermore, I believe that just as in any other place, there are good prospects and bad prospects. Unfortunately, at our age, the pickings are not real good, no matter whether we try to find men online, at the neighborhood church or the neighborhood bar. :(

Hang in there!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:43pm

From a male perspective:

I live in a very isolated, small town, about equal distance from Memphis, TN and Jackson, MS. I am 54 and the dating pool here is VERY limited.

From who I tend to be interested in, I will admit that looks do count. But I dont necessarily find myself restricting myself to blondes, brunettes, or redheads... long hair or short hair... To me it seems to be a combination of appearance and what they say about themselves...

As for the women who contact me, they seem to be pretty honest about who and what they are. A lot of the women that I have contacted that are about my age, however, tell me that they are looking for younger men. They have a preconceived notion that a 54 yo is rocking chair bound... or glued to the recliner.. when thats far from the truth.

Its a crap shoot, Im thinking...

Jim

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 12:40am

Hi,

I agree on the whole. I think that it's a question of luck who you get to meet. And I will repeat that I think the situation is the same whether you do OLD or meet people some other way.

Regarding age, I have not looked at a lot of women's profiles, but the man who is willing to date a woman more than four or five years his senior is rare, while the men in their 50's who don't want to date women over 45 are numerous. At least in my part of the South.

I don't think a man in his mid-fifties is too old for me, and I am open to men in their early sixties also. However, what I find is that a lot of men in the 55-60 age bracket are retired or about to retire and their attitude toward life is very different from mine. At 50, I have just gotten to where I want to be in my career. I am not in a hurry to slow down.

So maybe the reason you get the feeling that a lot of women our age see a man of 54 as "older" is that there are a lot of guys out there (and a lot of women too, I'm sure) who seem to slow down around their mid-fifties. I'm just guessing.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 9:42am

I agree! At 54, I feel I am just getting started! There are too many places to go.. too many things to do... and a great part of what I'm looking for is someone willing to go and do...

Jim

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 5:49pm

I am 45 but have never looked my age (or so I'm told). I typically do not go for much older men. Right about my age or a few years younger is my "ideal" I guess. I have "unhidden" my profile in recent weeks without much success. I did correspond with a guy (42) I was supposed to meet back last fall who apparently STILL is unwilling to make time for a relationship. He was the one who worked for the trucking line and was gone for several days at a stretch. We had planned to meet 3 times last fall, but he cancelled each time due to work. He finally said he did not think he could handle a relationship due to his work schedule. His profile was then gone after that last correspondence.

Then about a month ago, I noticed it was back online. I sent him an e-mail and he replied and we e-mailed back and forth several times. In his last e-mail he basically said that he thought I would be great for him and he was interested in staying in contact with me, but that his schedule was not any better than last fall. I nicely wrote him back that if he had a profile on line, then he apparently had intentions of meeting someone, and that if he didn't, then he was short-changing himself as well as any woman who might be interested in him. I told him that he could decide--that I was willing to meet him, but basically that I didn't want just an "email buddy". Have not heard back from him and it seems that his profile is no longer viewable on either dating site I was affiliated with. I actually don't think he's a jerk--just confused if he truly wants a relationship or not. Basically scared to get involved with anyone. However, I think that isn't an isolated scenario. I think there are a number of men who are really doing "false advertising". They are wasting their time as well as any potential suitors by having a profile online with no gumption to go through with any dates or meetings. If you have a job that makes it impossible to date anyone, what is the point? I am not going to give this guy a third chance to "turn me down". I had just thought that his schedule might be different now or that he might be more serious about meeting. Guess I was wrong.

So, there is not a lot of candidates for me on either Match or yahoo. I also personally do not like the fact that I cannot pull up a profile without them knowing it on Match. There are pros and cons to both sites.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 6:51pm

I KNOW what you are saying! I also tried an experiment because I was not having much luck by just being myself. I am 61 and am told by many that I look at least 10 yrs younger. My profile stated I was divorced, and then the general "interests" things, etc., but I received less than 5 replies in a two-week period. And when I mentioned I lived in an apartment to the few who did reply, that was pretty much the end of that.

Next, I entered a profile with no pix, and stated I was 61, widowed, owned my own home free and clear and was financially independent, and was looking for a man to spend time with and to travel with. I received over 20 replies the first day with that profile, and they all wanted to meet me asap, and never even asked what I looked like!

Geez, the online personals sites are getting to be a hang out for guys looking for the Playboy Centerfold for a sexy time, or the rich old gal who will be their sugar momma!

Katie in AZ

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 6:55pm

<< I received over 20 replies the first day with that profile, and they all wanted to meet me asap, and never even asked what I looked like!

Geez, the online personals sites are getting to be a hang out for guys looking for the Playboy Centerfold for a sexy time, or the rich old gal who will be their sugar momma! >>

Absolutely, so true! And sometimes they want the two combined, which is even more pathetic...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 7:46am

I agree with all the comments regarding my OLD experiment. I think Jim’s comment sums it all up, “It’s a crap shoot, I’m thinking….” Finding a LTR is all in the numbers….OLD exposes you to large numbers of people and being able to determine which people are fakes, scammers and serious takes work!

By human nature we want to believe people…most profiles sound “too good to be true” and they usually are! I believe there are many people of good character looking for a LTR, mixed in with all the other people of poor character.

When I told one of my friends I was ready to find a soul mate, he commented “You have a better chance of winning the lottery….what are you going to do, ask him if he is the one in a million”. After six months of the OLD (which have given me more dates than I would have had without OLD), I realize finding that “one in a million” will probably take years (lots of numbers), always be cautious so you can tell the good from the bad and have some FUN with it!

Good luck to all you single gals and guys, remember “It’s a crap shoot” so keep rolling the dice!