OLD Newbie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
OLD Newbie
13
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 1:23am

I'm a newbie to OLD (e-harmony) and Ive just had my first heart-wrenching experience...I need someone to assure me that they're not all gonna be like this!

I met someone for the first time in my life (& I've been married twice!) who I felt really understood me...It was a whirlwind of emails, dates, hours of talking on the phone and finally sex. I'm totally into him, making plans, we're enjoying talking to each other daily, you know the drill. Then on Friday he calls to tell me he's canceling our date & he's not in the same place as me, but wishes he was. It's all too fast, & he's freaking out. What!?! Okay, so it's only been a month -- a little fast for me too, but I THOUGHT we'd both really connected.

I know I just need to be brave, put on my "big girl panties" & move on...My question is how to trust anyone these days? Has anyone else had an experience like this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:39am

Hal, what exactly is YOUR problem? Your comments are mean spirited,bitter- not the dose of cold harsh reality you apparently think they are. flalola probably just got taken by a total PLAYER, he had his fun and bailed. Things were going well, suddenly the guy "needs his space" and splits. Maybe she got caught up too soon and the guy perceived her as too needy for his tastes. Regardless, she's hurt, logic is telling her not to be hurt, but it hurts just the same. Women want reasons, that's how we process and learn from adversity. She came here looking for comfort, maybe she needs social interaction when hurting, I know I do. Perhaps you could look a little deeper and try to grow as a human being- work on developing a little empathy.

Queenbun, who can't wait to read what you perceive to be my problem, you of course being perfect and therefore in a position to judge others

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 3:31pm
What I wrote might have come across as mean spirited and bitter but it certainly wasn’t my intention to hurt or humiliate flalola. It just really bothers me when I hear about women being taken by players when I think they should know better. I suppose there is truth to a quote I read which went something like this: “Only the truly innocent believe others are as well”
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: flalola
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 5:47pm

Queenbun -- you rock! Thanks for the support with my new pal Hal! Ha! I don't take it persoanl and actually am thankful there's a devil's advocate in the group. Keeps it real!

Yes, Hal, I've been called Naive (& Innocent) before, & would hate to lose that quality because it would really suck if I existed in a world of cynacism and negativity every day. Yeah, it sets me up for major disappointments, but you know what, my optimism (& humor) help me get through it, ya know... so there, nanny-boo-boo, phhfffftttt!

The truth is it was my first e-harm experience & I had high hopes. I really felt e-harmony would attract the more serious OLD'ers 'cuz it's a little more expensive and the questionaire process is pretty lenghty/intense (If you're honest about it). I did not expect to meet a "player" and don't really think I did. I think he just got spooked & wasn't ready for me emotionally.

So moving onwards & upwards. Thank you all for your support and (Hal's) words of realism. I needed it!

FlaLola

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