OLD slow right now?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
OLD slow right now?
15
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 8:37am

For those of you with an active profile: are things really S-L-O-W right now for you? I feel like the comedian tapping the mike asking, "Is this thing on?"

I even activated my profile on POF recently. I already have one on Match. Of course, this is the beginning of my THIRD YEAR online, so I guess I've met every man now in my area.

Sigh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 10:44am

Yep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:04am
I did tell you/the board that about a month ago I "unhid" my profile on POF. I have not gotten one email since then, which I think is strange, since I used the exact same ad over the summer only for one week and got several contacts. I mean, I haven't even gotten the guys who only said hi. I thought it might be some computer error but when I went on, it did say that certain people had viewed the profile, so I don't know. Of course, I haven't even looked for the last couple of weeks, just haven't been interested. Also, I figured I'd wait until I got a picture. As you can see, it's not exactly a high priority right now. But maybe you are right, it's just slow--I don't know what the excuse would be for Florida. I figure up north, maybe people don't like to go out as much in the cold. I know I don't. I feel like hibernating, then as soon as the weather starts to get nice, I start thinking about going out.
Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 8:42pm

Same here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 11:44pm

Well I've only been back on OLD for a month so I don't have much time in to compare it to, really. Of all the guys who've emailed in the last month, maybe 15 or so, I've responded to two. One of those disappeared, and the other one I met last Friday for drinks.

The chemistry wasn't strong but I thought he was worth a second date. Didn't hear from him for a couple days (other than his 'it was nice meeting you' email when he got home), so figured that was that. I was surprised to hear from him this past Tuesday night, and since then, we've made plans to go snow skiing next Friday! I'm really looking forward to that. I love to ski, and think this will be a great way to get to know each other :)

I think it helps to post recent pictures, and I also changed my profile after a month. I'll probably keep this one until Spring, then change it again to reflect the season, freshen it up. I read somewhere, not sure if this is the case, but when you change your profile, it gets circulated more or put into more guy's match lists or something like that. Either way, I think a new picture draws more attention or a 2nd look.

Still most of the guys who have emailed, are just not attractive or their profiles are waay off.

Side note: Has anyone noticed that the more unattractive a guy is, the more likely he is to picture himself next to a hot car, boat or motorcycle? lol.

Violet

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 3:39am
IN a Word....SUPERBOWL!!!
Any questions?
xvra
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 11:24am

To tell you the truth, I'll be turning the big 5-0 on Sunday and am viewing this as the perfect time to swear off OLD for good.


I've had a few messages from men on POF, most of whom I share little in common, have no pictures and still expect me to reply even after I request to see a pic in my profile. Apparently these guys can't read or are just too lazy to do so. Here is an example of a message I've received:


hi
i like your profile. you look very attractife i love to know you i jast move to

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 11:27am
I guess they haven't figured out that no one is perfect, even them. I do think this is the pitfall of OLD. Years ago, you actually had to work to even meet someone, so even if you met in a bar, it was only going to be one person a night that you gave your number to (or got a number from) and aside from the one night stands, if a guy really wanted to date someone, he'd have to convince her to giver her number, call her, actually go to her house to pick her up for a date, spend money, etc. So after all that, I think that guys were more likely not to bail right away, knowing that it would be hard to meet someone else, go through all that again, etc. Now, you say department store, I say it's like shopping through the Victoria's Secret catalog, except instead of buying the lingerie, it's like buying or at least picking out the model. It just seems too easy--if you don't like the first woman, just go back on line & email someone else. Plus I think some people just get into this mode, even if they like someone, of worrying that someone else better is out there. It's like if you bought a car, some people can just be satisfied by having the new car, others keep worrying if they bought the right model, could they have gotten a better deal, etc.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 12:25pm

You know, this is something I have thought about a lot. I know there is the "candy store" or "catalog" aspect of OLD, but are we not meeting the "right" man because he just hasn't crossed our path? I hesitate blaming the easy access of OLD for men not trying as hard.

I feel that when you and a man are right for each other and hit it off, the relationship unfolds pretty effortlessly. So, until you meet the "right" one, you have a lot of unsatisfactory dates, or first meets. And, you have a lot of "going back to the well" on both sides. I truly think there are sincere men online, and I think they are just as disappointed when things don't work out. Of course, there are players, too, but they are everywhere, and you don't have to play their game. And of course there are lazy men, but you can find them everywhere too. But those aren't the ones you want, regardless of how you meet.

OLD isn't perfect, but it's about the only way I meet men, so I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I have taken breaks from it for sure. A therapist once said to look at it this way: your paths just haven't crossed yet. And this was long before OLD.

I also have a theory as to why you don't hear back from men you contact online. (BTW, I never contact first, but that's just me.) But think of it this way: meeting a stranger is SO AWKWARD, that I, for one, don't have the energy to meet lots and lots of men, especially if I feel kind of iffy about him. . Plus, I just HATE having to tell someone we're not a match. I find it excruciating and exhausting. So for me, I just don't respond to someone that I don't feel I have enough in common with, or for other things I find unappealing about him. It doesn't mean he's not right for someone, he's just not right for me. Am I being a "perfectionist"? I don't think so. So, perhaps the men that don't write back feel the same way I do. And of course, it could be for other reasons too.

Anyway, just my thoughts. I could be totally wrong—about everything!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 9:48pm

I look at OLD a lot like you do.

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 10:29pm

Your comments made me laugh.

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