OLD vs IRL

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
OLD vs IRL
10
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 9:59pm

I think someone here once used

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
In reply to: chanadevorah
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:31pm

Well...WOW it always happens that way - when you least expect it of course!

I would suggest the next time that you see him ask him if perhaps you could get a coffee or a glass of wine rather than just getting those 'sound bytes' of time together...he would be really flattered that you thought of him out of the context of running into each other in one of his establishments...

Good Luck - let us know what happens!

Cheers
Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 6:01am

Congrats! I too seem to have more luck IRL than via OLD, who knows why.


As for your guy though, does he actually sit down when the two of you are speaking? If not, I'm thinking a subtle yet easy way to show interest is to ask him to sit down next time so it can be more intimate. If not, maybe introduce a conversation about food, find out what he likes and mention a good restaurant that specializes in that sort of food... I wouldn't be too too forward just yet. I have a feeling though if you just keep doing what you're doing, it may work itself out on its own. :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:32am

It would be easier if you cut off the conversation by saying "I need to get back to my clients but I'd love to keep chatting with you here is my business card maybe we could get together for coffee sometime"

That way he has your number and you have basically asked him to get together with you.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:32am

What fun! (I prefer IRL dating to OLD myself. It's just there are more opportunities with OLD, especially at my age.)

It sounds to me too as if you are doing everything right so far. If the "sparks" are flying, you've had some role in lighting them. :)

For what it's worth, I would advise *hinting* but never actually "asking him out" --not even suggesting getting a drink or coffee. Hinting can take the form of talking about things you like to do, movies you'd like to see if you can get a friend to go with you, whatever. Drop hints about where you will be on Sunday afternoon, if, for example, you always take a walk in the park or something like that. Mention how much you enjoy talking to him and how you wish you had a chance to talk more, when he isn't having to rush back to managing the restaurant.)

The thing is, I have worked with many Indians in my life and I get the impression that the men really prefer to be the ones who "court." They are thrilled to be courted, but they often value the woman less. Of course, this guy may be an exception. But I have an Indian co-worker who tells me the love-life of her nephew who is in his late twenties, and I gather that he doesn't take girls he finds "easy" too seriously.

I think the suggestion to invite him to sit down "if he has a moment" at your table while he is hovering around you is a good one. Also, keep showing interest in him, ask him questions about himself, his family (siblings, etc.), his hometown, his education... and at some point you might ask him if his family is going to arrange or has already arranged a marriage for him. Another leading question is to ask him what he does for fun and does he get much time off to socialize.

Good luck.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 9:48am

I met a really sweet, nice, cute guy last week at the club I go line dancing at.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:32am

Kerry,


He hasn't actually sat down (yet). I was thinking about this more last night and I realize he's thrown out several pieces of bate that I could have run with in a conversation...I just didn't bite. :(


In retrospect I think that he doesn't want to be too forward and scare me away from his establishment; Imagine if you owned a restaurant. You have your reputation to uphold at the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:40am

Hey Lovinhockey,


That's a really good idea, too! I'll first do Kerry's idea as step

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:49am

I agree with Elsa.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 10:51am
Elsa, I also work with several indian clients and have lots of indian friends. I agree that many of them lean towards wanting to do the courting/chasing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: chanadevorah
Thu, 12-28-2006 - 11:09am

That's really cool, Stacey!