Older Men.. not for me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
Older Men.. not for me...
39
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 2:00am

I'm 36 years old. I've been told twice the last week that I look 28. (ie Other person:" How old are you? 28?" Me: "Try almost 10 years older") The oldest man I have dated was born in 1964. We broke up shortly before his 30th birthday. The youngest man I have dated was born in 1974.

A 47 year old man emailed me on American Singles. Granted I am not attracted to older men but his email was funny so I replied. I think pressure from friends accusing me of being too "picky" had something to do with that. After a few emails he asked to meet me. He was nice and funny and a great conversationalist but even though he is only 11 years older than I am, I felt like I was out with my dad. He was playing with my hair and all I could think of was "if he tries to kiss me, I will gag." I feel very shallow saying this but I just could not have done it. I feel icky and I don't know why. He did make one or two midly suggestive remarks that from a guy my age would have been cute. I think I'm going to take a shower. Obviously, I am not Electra. So much for the theory that women who are raised by single moms are looking for a daddy substitute! I am certainly not.

He kept telling me how pretty I was and asked to see me again. I said I was booked for the entire month of May. Which is not a total lie. I have to catch up with my friends who I have not seen thanks to grad school. However, if I had been interested I could have squeezed him in. Other than this Friday for a late Cinco de Mayo get together and spending Mother's Day with my mom I have no set plans.

I maybe shallow but I am glad I did it - I can at least say I tried.




Edited 5/4/2005 2:16 am ET ET by annonymoss

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 8:39am

annonymoss...


cl-Pianoguy thinks you're certainly within your right to pick and choose the age range of the men you wish to date............BUT.........


Your attitude was a complete TURN-OFF (at least to me)!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:55am

This guy sounds just like a creep. Playing with your hair and making suggestive remarks on the first meeting seems disrespectful. But you said that would have been cute behaviour if he had been younger? Don't get that.

Sorry, but I don't think much of your attempt to lose the picky label. If you're serious about that, choose a nice man with manners.

And FYI: a 47 year old man would not have a 36 year old daughter. Sorry again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 12:46pm

Hey annonymoss - I can completely identify with your stance. I am 34 and somtimes still get ID'ed when I buy liquor (usually when I have no makeup and a ballcap on - WTF? :-)) But I too don't see myself dating someone probably older than 40-ish. Just a personal preference for me. As I mentioned in another thread, I went to a dinner club and a guy at our table was about 48 but he mentioned that he had been working for the same company for 27 years. 27 years ago, I was in second grade. So yes, technically, while he was not old enough to be my father, he was in a different "generation" (so to speak) than I am and it was awkward.

Don't feel bad or shallow for having a personal preference. Just like we all "prefer" brunettes or blondes, fit or not, college degree or not... age is just a personal preference.

PG - I am still overwhelmed at your adamantly annoyed attitude about this! First, anonymoss didn't say her dating life was so full that she couldn't squeeze him in, she said she had been going to school and hadn't seen much of her FRIENDS so she needed to spend time catching up with them. Second, why is it so wrong for her, me, CGUN or anyone else to have a preference for the age of guy we choose to date? Why do you keep slamming us because we don't feel like dating someone significantly older? I don't slam you personally for being open to dating 25 year olds - that is your preference and you are welcome to it! It doesn't mean that I don't identify with what amjay and Sheri have said in that THEIR problem with it is that they are in their mid-40s and have problems finding men their own age that are willing to date women their age - they all still are looking for the young hottie. So it is not the willingness to date someone younger that I have a problem with, it is the UNwillingness to date someone their age or a little older. I have the same thing with guys my age (mid 30s). Many are willing to date in the range of "18-30" - WTF?? You think that these guys are going to have something in common with some 18 year old college freshman? Probably not, but it sure will be a cutie on their arm and prove to the world that they are not old. Again, a generalization, but I am with Sheri in that I really don't understand what seems to be a double-standard for you. We all have our preferences, why should we be forced to overlook them?

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 2:01pm
I also want to point out that my boyfriend IS seven years older than me - he'll be 34 in July.

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Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 2:22pm

Whoa, pg! Who peed in YOUR Wheaties this morning? She wasn't ripping on this guy because of his age, she didn't reject him because of his age. She stepped outside her usual age range, took a chance and went out with this guy who SEEMED decent on paper, and his behavior creeped her out. It would have creeped me out too. Now if she said "that's it, I'm NEVER giving an older guy another chance because this ONE guy PROVES that ALL older guys are perverts!" then I'd see some validity to your rant, but come on, dude! Especially as CL we expect you to set a good example and try to be nice even when you disagree. Sometimes we feel the need to "tell a harsh truth" but there's no need to be mean about it.

That would be stepping on LG's turf. <--- joke ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 2:27pm

I believe PG was referencing her remark about how she felt she was out with her father. OK, biologically he would have to be 11 when he had her and maybe 10 when he conceived so not possible.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:39pm

Hi Vexer...


cl-pianoguy DOESN'T have a problem with anybody's individual age preferences or particular standards.

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:41pm

Clarification:

I got the impression this guy was particularly sleazy considering this was just a first meet. Any guy on a first meet who starts playing with my hair and keeps telling me how "pretty" I am and makes suggestive remarks, is going to make me feel "icky" regardless of whether he's 47, 37 or 27! It's just slimy and smarmy and... ewww.

With all due respect to pianoguy: you know I love ya! Normally you are a wonderful voice of reason, compassion and insight, all the more reason that I felt this post was terribly out of character. We could have the "age" debate forever and agree to disagree... WITHOUT the personal attacks.

I am NOT trying to pick a fight or hijack the original thread, but I think pianoguy was overly quick to react by saying HER attitude was a turn-off and SHE is self-centered, illogical and shallow! Mama said if you can't say anything nice.....

Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:45pm

>>The verbiage CGUN and a few others might have used in correlation with men who happened to be considerably older than they were....BOTHERED ME!... So when I hear a comment made by an ivillager about how a person's age might be identical to that of a parent or older relative...as an excuse not to date....it drives me crazy...

Fair enough, but honey, please re-read the OP. That is NOT what she said. She did NOT use age as an excuse not to date this guy! The "verbiage others might have used" was addressed in those posts, let's not take it out on someone else!

Peace, man. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 05-04-2005 - 3:58pm
To me saying that I prefer not to date a man who is old enough to be my father is not a stereotype - I never said that a man that age acts a certain way.

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