Older Men.. not for me...
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 2:00am |
I'm 36 years old. I've been told twice the last week that I look 28. (ie Other person:" How old are you? 28?" Me: "Try almost 10 years older") The oldest man I have dated was born in 1964. We broke up shortly before his 30th birthday. The youngest man I have dated was born in 1974.
A 47 year old man emailed me on American Singles. Granted I am not attracted to older men but his email was funny so I replied. I think pressure from friends accusing me of being too "picky" had something to do with that. After a few emails he asked to meet me. He was nice and funny and a great conversationalist but even though he is only 11 years older than I am, I felt like I was out with my dad. He was playing with my hair and all I could think of was "if he tries to kiss me, I will gag." I feel very shallow saying this but I just could not have done it. I feel icky and I don't know why. He did make one or two midly suggestive remarks that from a guy my age would have been cute. I think I'm going to take a shower. Obviously, I am not Electra. So much for the theory that women who are raised by single moms are looking for a daddy substitute! I am certainly not.
He kept telling me how pretty I was and asked to see me again. I said I was booked for the entire month of May. Which is not a total lie. I have to catch up with my friends who I have not seen thanks to grad school. However, if I had been interested I could have squeezed him in. Other than this Friday for a late Cinco de Mayo get together and spending Mother's Day with my mom I have no set plans.
I maybe shallow but I am glad I did it - I can at least say I tried.
Edited 5/4/2005 2:16 am ET ET by annonymoss

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>>It doesn't mean that I don't identify with what amjay and Sheri have said in that THEIR >>problem with it is that they are in their mid-40s and have problems finding men their >>own age that are willing to date women their age - they all still are looking for the >>young hottie.
THAT is what pisses me off the most. I totally feel for women who are slightly older than I am and just want a nice guy their own age. That is what *I* want a nice guy *my own age*. Yet a lot of MEN are so shallow that they will not look at a woman who is over 30 and that is accepted, but woe to the woman who thinks a man - no matter how old - is too old for her. It's the double standard all over again.
And yes, I said "slightly" older women. I don't know how old the women in question are, but mid 40s is about 10 years older than I am. Maybe *that* is what is at the crux of my reaction. I did *not* expect someone who was "only" 47 to seem that old. Maybe he was lying? I'm watching "Revelations" right now and Bill Pullman is about that age (give or take); he obviously looks older than I do. You can tell we are not peers BUT (big BUT) he does not make me think "dad" unless we are talking the dad of a 13 year old. He still seems young just older than me. Granted he is a Hollywood actor but guess where *I* live?
BTW: This guy admitted he did not look at the age on my profile. He thought I was about 29!!! Maybe if he would have read the profile instead of being blinded by a "pretty" face, he would not have been interested in me: Maybe I'm too old for HIM.
To the guy who made the comments about abscribing behavior to this guy to that od my father. I did not compare him to my father - ie the man who was married to my mother. I said (or meant to say) that I felt like he could be my father. Meaning that it felt like it was a lot larger age difference than 11 years.
To the woman who a 47 year old man could not have a 36 year old daughter. I *know that* What I was saying again is that the age difference felt a lot bigger than I thought an 11 year difference would. It *felt* like he was old enough to be my father. It felt like he was 57 rather than 47. Which brings me to another O.L.D. pet peeve that could be a whole other thread: pictures that lie. His picture was obviously taken with mood lighting or filters or in 1992.
Edited 5/5/2005 12:48 am ET ET by annonymoss
SP not the way we looked *together* but the way *he* looked. I was not attracted to him at all and the fact that he was older has a lot to do with it. The way he dressed may have as well. So did the way he talked. The more I think about it, it was the overall package. He had a general vibe of "old". He was paternal or mentorish mixed with the trying to put his arm around me and playing with my hair. That combo creeped me out. I still get creeped out thinking about it.
I have a huge crush on Viggo Mortensen who is the same age but obviously Viggo does not make me think "dad". It was an overall vibe of "old".
cl-pianoguy - I had a long diatribe in reply to you but I thought about it and I think the phrase "me thinks he doth protest too much" applies here.
Bottom line: he was unattractive *to me* - see the title of the thread. Whatever anyone else does is their choice. Yes we will all get old but I want someone I will get old with at more or less the same time. Not someone who seems old as I type.
Okay, so she says he was 47. We all know too well how honest online daters are. He could have been anywhere from 47 to 57, she will never know.
I understand what PG is saying about him"being like a father figure." I am getting older myself and would date men up to 45. I never liked to go over that, even though I tried, I was just never attracted to them. I am 36, so dating someone 47 wouldn't be unheard of. However, my father passed away when I was 23 and he was 49. So I do see these older men like my father sometimes because I never had the chance to see him age. Therefore, I see how that might creep someone out.
I keep forgetting that I am not 28 anymore. For some reason, it seems that when I had my daughter at 28, I stopped aging. I wish the rest of my body would stop the aging process.
Bottom line, we all are entitled to our preferences. Like annonymous said, men practice age discrimination every day and get away with it. Just look at the online ads from men. The VAST majority won't date someone their own age or older. I could be bitter about the fact that many men my age (44) wouldn't date me despite the fact I look younger than women ten years my junior. I'm not. These men would probably not be compatible with me in any case.
I don't think anyone here should take another poster's preferences as a personal indictment. Just because annonymoss or I prefer to date men near our age, or who at least has a youthful spirit, doesn't mean everyone does or there is something wrong with you whatever your age.
I happen to have reddish hair, fair skin and freckles. I long ago came to understand that although many men find me attractive, there are quite a few who prefer the blond, blue-eyed Heather Locklear type. Do I pout because these men won't give me a chance? No. I am mature enough to realize that every individual has his/her preferences/tastes, and I can respect that. That's what makes the world go 'round. If we were ALL after the same people, it would be a chaotic state of affairs, now wouldn't it?
I've dated men YOUNGER than me whom I rejected because they acted like old FARTS. So, age is just a number. I prefer a man who is youthful in his attitude, maybe a twinkle in the eye, sense of adventure, etc.
It bothers me when we are judged and condemmed for our choices. Everyone here is entitled to decide what is attractive to them. It so happens that annonymous found this man unappealing, and it probably has more to do with factors other than his age. Again, it is HER call.
>>He kept telling me how pretty I was and asked to see me again. I said I was booked for the entire month of May.<<
This is exactly the kind of weak, misleading answer that drives people nuts.
You have no intention of seeing him again. What you should have said was "You know, you're a perfectly nice guy, but we are not a match and I will not be going out with you again."
Saying "I'm booked for the month" is NOT a nice way of letting him down- it sounds like you're saying "yes but I'm busy for a while".
Just say no. Why can't people just say what they mean?
Hey, NGOL -
"This is exactly the kind of weak, misleading answer that drives people nuts."
This is just the female equivalent of the male "I'll call you."
Women have been dealing with it for eons. Welcome to our world!!
The only difference is that women have evolved to understand that when a man says "I'll call you" it means that he won't.
People can't say what they mean because they don't want to hurt your feelings. Not saying it's RIGHT, just saying that it is.
Tracy
I've been playing out the scenario in my head where I tell a guy to his face that I'm not interested after a first meet. I'm even too embarassed in fantasy!!
Come on now, NGOL, don't you think that's a lot to ask of a person? Keep in mind, the fellow will be an unknown at that point. How can I predict how he will take the news? I've heard of lots of guys who didn't appreciate being told that (emails) and harassed the lady.
Let's pretend you totally agree with me and have changed your opinion. Can you suggest a polite way of getting out of that awkward situation without hurting someone's feelings? I mean, from a guy's point of view.
Oh, and I would say that I would have to check my calendar and let him know. Then I would let him know within a day.
I am 35 and I don't care who says what I look like (younger or whatever) I KNOW I am 35 and I just find it funny how many mid- to late 30's women say "I look like 28". Sure that is might be true (although I doubt it) but how come when a much older guy writes to you and says "I've been told that I don't look my age" it bothers us? Double standard?
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just a little update :)
I am currently in a relationship with a man who is 27. I worry about the age gap because I CARE where this will go. I DIDN'T choose it to be this way and almost cancelled our 1st meet but he ended up being like no other men of his age or no other men that I have known. We fit together like a puzzle :) Just as you least expected comes that unpredictable chance :)
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I've only done it once. It was one of my earliest OLD experiences, and after an excruciating coffee date (preceded by an awkward phone call which should've told me something), I told him I don't think we're a match but good luck. At the time I felt proud of myself for being upfront instead of just not returning his calls (my usual method of telling a guy I'm not interested). I wouldn't do it again, at least not to his face right after meeting, because I now think it's mean (someone on this board, Johnandhisdog, I believe, brought that up). I find it much easier to reject someone, politely, by email. Though these days I find everything easier by email.
Oh, and my honesty with Coffee Date Dude didn't work anyway. He STILL emailed me the next day wondering if I had changed my mind. Puhleeze!
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