? for older OLD'ers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2003
? for older OLD'ers
10
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 7:20pm

I am 47 and have been OLD'ing off and on for 3+ years. I have decided that I could almost write a book about my experiences. For the most part I have had very good experiences including a man I dated for a few months then we ended our dating relationships and remain wonderful friends almost 3 years later. I am so glad to have met him.

Ok, but here is my question/comment about some more recent experiences and would love some feedback. I "met" a man from OLD. We did the obligatory 3-4 emails, talked on the phone then met at a coffeeshop. We went back to his house to watch a Patriots game (I know, maybe not so smart of me on a first meet). We got to his house, I sat down, he made me a cup of tea and, literally 10 minutes later he was trying to unbutton my blouse with one hand while the other was trying to get down my pants. He got my elbow to his stomach and I asked WHAT did he think he was doing. His reply was that "at our age" what more is there to 2 people getting together. Believe me I did nothing (ok, maybe going to his house) to make him think that that was what i had in mind. I asked him, what about companionship, friendship, a loving relationship. He said that people "our age" are not looking for that. I told him that maybe not in his world they aren't and left.
Ok, met another man...emailed, phone then met him for dinner. Half way through the dinner he was rubbing my leg and telling me what he wanted to do with me. I asked if that was all he wanted and he said that people "at our age" only want sex. That we have all been through the lovey-dovey relationship thing and that at "our age" it is just about getting down to business. Needless to say I didn't eat much and got up and left.

Is it the type of man I am attracting? There is nothing in my profile to suggest that I am just after sex. I have met other men that aren't all hands. Did I just get 2 losers.
I am just curious if any others have come across this with people "our age"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 06-01-2005 - 10:02pm

Welcome ljdmmom! Unfortunately, I think you might just be hitting into some bad luck...


However, I'd definitely like to see your profile... would you be comfortable with giving us your username and the site you're on? A lot of folks have done that before and received great constructive criticism...


Let me know what you think. :)

Kerry


If you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting... -- Les Brown

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 2:04am

Hi ljdmmom,

I am close to your age and have had OLD guys think the meet was just about sex also. But not all guys. I think you may have just run into two of them close together.

But going to his house does imply something on a first meet and I think you are too smart not to understand that.

But there are guys in their 30's that also think that way, so it's not just the 40 somethings. I get emails and IM's from the 20 somethings and know that it's just about sex with the "older woman" so that they can brag about it to their friends...I just delete.

So I think with any of the guys, no matter what their age, you just have to be careful in what you say and do with them. I have found that the guys who talk about having a physical relationship in their profile (I love the feel of a woman's body next to mine, etc.), generally try to move too quickly. But if a person is just about casual sex then that can work for them if that is what the other party likes also.

It can be tricky trying to interpret what a person is really saying in their profile, but I think we get better at it the more we do it.

Good luck, I know that there are some decent guys out there.

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 8:43am

Hello ljdmmom,


Anytime....regardless of age, one goes to "his" place on the first date, you can almost guarantee that they will try to get into your shirt, pants, or otherwise.

CL-Truewild1969

For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 8:51am

I agree with TW - anytime you go to someone's place early on -- you're green lighting them for more. Whether that's the way it should be or not - who knows. It's the way guy's minds work.


I'd also suggest looking at your profile to make sure it is attracting the specific type of people you'd like to date. Be sure to put in lots of interests and information otherwise all you will get is people who contact you solely based on a photo - which imho is the weakest type of match online.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-02-2005 - 3:27pm
funny...I've gotten the "at our age" thing, too. Also got the "this old cowboy's tired of chasing, I want an aggressive woman!"...whatever...but I have found alot of guys strickly looking for sex, too. It's very frustrating when you actually just want to meet a nice guy who has similar interest and you want to spend time with him!!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 3:43pm

I'm 46 and no, I haven't really experienced the "just in it for sex" once I get to the point of meeting, because I screen very heavily for it during the profile review/email phase.

The fact that he asked you to go back to his house after you just met was a dead giveaway. That should have been your clue to get up and leave, if you're looking for more than a casual fling.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 9:18pm
I'm almost 60 and I have not had any bad experiences of that type. Had plenty of them when I was younger--LOL.
I think what I say in my profile and what I look for in the men's profiles must screen out the bozos. However, before I really started doing OLD, I did a sort of toe-in-the-water test run. I posted on Craig's List and talked to 6 or 7 guys on the phone, BRIEFLY, and met 3 or 4 in person for coffee. The very first one happened to live a block away from the coffeeshop, and I went over to see his house, and we chatted for awhile. NOTHING sexual happened. Maybe he was not attracted to me....or maybe I just know how to read men!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 11:38pm

Hi Ljdmom,

First of all, how DARE they lump us all into some category that seems to include Mastodons and Ben Franklin's ancestors! I am 49 and I am not "at that" age for ANYthing! Brat this!

I think you have just run into the newest "line" among people dating; both men are trying to say that They don't have much of a life,and even Less self-esteem or respect for others. Ding! Next! I did not meet that many men when I was on OLD for 8 months, emailed and chatted with about 200, though. Many strive, few Arrive....just did not see much in the emails or chats that made me want to put on mascara and go!

A Real man will treat you Much better than these morons, and you will Know you have found someone that you want to go out with again. Those 2 had more issues than Life magazine!

Good luck, it Is out there!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 11:43pm

Hi Donna,

And another one that got me when I was on OLD: "well, I have gone out with quite a few women who slept with me on the first date"....at that point, I would turn my head slowly, look around the room and remark..."geeee, I don't see them here NOW".

Amen UP in th' House!

Truly,
Cupcake

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 7:01am

>>did not meet that many men when I was on OLD for 8 months, emailed and chatted with about 200, though. Many strive, few Arrive....just did not see much in the emails or chats that made me want to put on mascara and go!<<

I agree... last year when I first started OLD, I frequently said yes to meeting people, now that is out of my system and i prefer to be much more selective about who I choose to meet... the motives of many out there are for random sex which is not what I care to deal with...