OMG! Just ghost, will you????

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
OMG! Just ghost, will you????
34
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 1:21am

Why the heck do men think that you want it rubbed in your face that they've met someone else? Just ghost already...we haven't even met, for crying out loud.

I just got an email replete with details about how this guy I just started emailing yesterday ran into a female friend from high school last night, how they spend the day together today (including what they did), how he's enjoying the obvious connection, and he's "sure I'll understand".

To add insult to injury, he ended with "Good Luck!".

I'm sure he thinks he's a good guy for sending the email. I just want to give him the finger with both hands, the arrogant, self-centered, smug SOB.

SO rude. Gaah!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 01-09-2006 - 3:43pm

It's worse coming from a stranger, isn't it??

I had a guy do that to me recently. It felt like he was saying, "well, of course you'll understand because she's so amazing and wonderful" -- unintentionally implying that I wasn't. Without having met me or talked to me on the phone!

Grr. Yeah - ghosting is better.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 2:19am
Am I the only one here who thinks the guy is just being polite??!!
I was exchanging emails with a guy and then he disappeared. So I emailed asking if he met anyone interesting and I honestly would like to hear a success story on the site! so really I would be happy if this guy tells me he met someone on the site and they hit it off. That would be an extra push to go on the site and email others.I find his behavior perfectly acceptable. you dont need to be this sensitive when doing online dating. You are after all advertising your availability on the WWW. So everyone got the right to check you out and give their opinion. Same way we judge celebrity because they are out there. We become like them when our profile/pics/lifestyle/blogs are online for the public eye to admire :) or not!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 5:40am

I know what you mean.

One of the guys who contacted me last year (november) re-surfaced (said he would called but ghosted) and asked for a phone chat. Then on the night he was supposed to call, he sent me a message saying that he'll have to give this a miss and good luck.

I have this feeling that he's married or attached... chickening out twice! What a loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 7:20am

I think his intentions might have been polite until he crossed the lines with too much info. As you, I'd much rather a guy tell me he's not interested, but when they ramble on about some other girl and how great she is, well there's just no need for it in my eyes.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 7:35am
I'm with you. I hate ghosting, I think it's rude. Although I don't know that he should have gone on and on about the person he met, but I think it's polite not to ghost and say the real reason why you won't be in touch any further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 7:39am
ITA! He definitely went too far with the information.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 10:58am

No, he was not "polite". He was arrogant and rude.

"Polite" would have been a one line email saying he met someone. I never would have posted about an email like that. Going on and on for several paragraphs about how he spent the day with the new woman he met and how crazy he is about her and how he's sure I will understand...uh, SO not polite. The very *opposite* of polite!

My feelings are my own, thank you very much and not for YOU to judge!!! Where do you get off doing that?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:33am
I'm with Sheri and the others. The rambling on about how great this OTHER woman is, is not necessary and IMO, hurtful. I prefer not to get any kind of email at all, but if I do, the simple "we're not a match" or "I'm pursuing another relationship" is all I need. Sure, we all like to hear success stories, but for me, I'd rather not hear a success story that came at my expense. If you are going to give an explanation, short and sweet is perfect. If someone wants to know the details, they can ask.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:33am

I m not judging anyone and I get nothing out of it. Just saying my honest opinion.
I think the reason he went on and on is to justify why he wont pursue you anymore. so he dropped your chat/phone conversation because he met someone he clicked with not someone whom he thinks has little potential. but someone great for him. I think he was really being nice. If he met some great woman it does not mean you are not good enough it simply means he should focus on what he found since this is what he and all of us are looking for in OLD. if I meet a guy whom I like and feel something for , I find it v. stupid to pursue other guys. I'd rather see how our relationship goes and if hit or miss then will decide what to do.

I ghosted once and the guy was really nice but no chemistry. I always felt bad for doing this. then I met the guy a few days ago on the street. I m not sure he recognized me but I was v. embarrassed and hoped I could disappear. I think ghosting is nasty. It never happened with me but I did it once and I regret doing it especially that the guy is someone I would not mind having as a friend...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Tue, 01-10-2006 - 11:39am

So if you were emailing a guy and then met another guy you really liked, would you email the first guy and say thanks but I met someone else and then go on to GUSH about the other man for a few paragraphs?


It's not a matter of ghosting vs. letting someone know you met someone else.

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