OMG....What should I do?????
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| Sun, 06-18-2006 - 4:18pm |
I put my profile in Match.com in 01/06 and met W at the end of the month. Went out on date for few times and beginning 04/06, we started to date seriously. See each other just about two/three Friday or Sat during the month. He spent time at my place and I'd been in his place as well. Don't talk on the phone much.... However, we agreed to be exclusive and turn off our profiles. I did mine. He told me he can't turn his off because his computer logs him in automatically. I offered to show him how but he said his membership was about to expire and Match will disable his account without his involvement, and said he has no desire to find someone else.
He hardly return my call or email claiming his work was so hectic and can't get away from the meetings, we still see each other though. However, I feel something funny, so I put another profile (A) in Match with different photo (my friend's photo-she agreed). Yesterday, I saw W online, so I signed in as A and sent him a couple of introduction messages...he replied. He said he has not been in a relationship for over a year. Not sexually active for that entire time. Went out for date few times but nothing serious, just holding hands and kissing etc... no sex. Claiming he can't find someone seems to match. He'd rather have a steady date than keep searching online because he's ready and serious for a long-term relationship. The last time he had a dinner with a woman was Friday (two days ago), she was someone he went out on a date before but nothing developed. They planned for a movie as well but it was too late. My blood was cold and my entire body shook up during the entire conversation.
Friday night, he told me his daughter was coming into town for Father's Day and he didn't know what her plan was so he'd rather not plan anything until he saw her.
And that creep went out to dinner with his old date and he didn't have sex for over a year...Give me a break.
By the way, he has his own company and many people know him in the community.
He's 54 yo, I'm 49. What should I do? Confront the jerk and tell him what I know or shut my mouth and count it as a loss and move on.
Thanks.

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OUCH!
I agreed with you that my action wasn't very noble. That's why I tend to opt for disappear altogether rather than a confrontation.
Proving him as a liar, I also present myself as a misdeed person as well.
I've had three "relationships" since my divorce and this is the 3rd time I got doomed.
I was engaged to a man before this, and found out he'd been cheating on me with two other women right before the marriage.
I'm seriously thinking it's my fault to pick the wrong type of men rather than blaming the men of lying. Has anyone felt this way? And if you have, have you done anything to make the change?
Thanks.
April
Well, given your past history, it seems like you probably know how to spot a cheater and do have a right to be suspicious.
Hi, I remember your post from another board. I'm sorry you felt the need to do that rather than just walk away once you found out his profile was still up, but I totally understand, having done something similar myself at one point in the past (but I hope I've learned my lesson and won't sink to that level again).
I would have a hard time not telling him that you know he's a liar but if you CAN walk away without saying something, that's probably the better course.
Keep us posted on how you're doing.
Sheri
Wouldn't it be nice if there was a players/loosers list we could just all go to before we got involved lol how about OLDschmoozers
Really I am sorry that this happened to you. I know what its like to be swept off your feet with awesome email. I can tell the difference in mens emails so much now that I have gave it a few weeks and I'm still learning
I couldn't agree more. Walk away - and keep walking...do NOT look back. There are much better men out there who will treat you with respect and kindness. Dump this guy from your mind so you can get on with your life!
Sheri,
Thanks to you, you're the one who suggested this board to me. I wasn't aware of it.
I feel pretty darn stupid to be honest. At this age, I've never thought that I'd have to go thru this. The men from my first two relationships were very smooth talking, talkative, center of attention at every meeting and well-dressed etc...They turned out to be HUGE jerks, so I re-programmed my head. This time, I selected a man with physical disability, skinny, even though he's very smart but not very well-dressed, quiet.... I mean he's totally different from the other two but turned out...another ass. He's the only one I met thru OLD, the other two were from business associates.
What did I do wrong in here?
I am _so_ sorry you're going through this. I want to throw in my vote with everyone who says that if you can possibly just walk away without confronting him, that is the most dignified course (and also the best revenge). Let him wonder what happened, the creep.
I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you. Bad things happen to good people.
You didn't do anything "wrong", per se...you wanted to trust him but he wasn't trustworthy. I totally understand feeling stupid...I felt the same way the first time it happened to me. But it's not your fault he isn't trustworthy.
Now you know that liars come in all shapes and sizes. Just because someone is a different "type", doesn't mean he is trustworthy. I think all you can do going forward is be somewhat skeptical until you've gotten to know someone quite well...take time to evaluate a person's words against their actions. I've found that if something *seems* off (like his whole song and dance about match and logging in), then it probably *is* off.
Sheri
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