Online Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
Online Dating
9
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 3:32pm

Hi.


I figured I'd get some feedback here. I'm 35 and have been on online dating sites off and on over the years. I've also met guys when out and about, too. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm cut out to date! Other times, I feel great, and that a great guy is out there for me!


I've tried CL, Match, Yahoo, POF, etc. Right now, I'm talking to a few guys from CL. I've written to some guys, and they don't respond. I read the posts on here and think it's great some gals get to the coffee date! I have problems getting to the coffee date! When I write to a guy, and he responds with a rejection email, I don't like it. I think that it is a waste of time. I'd rather receive I'd like to get to know you better emails. Oh well. I'll keep plugging away! :)


I wrote to a guy on Yahoo, and he sent me a quick reply, "Thanks. I liked your message." What is up with that? You liked my message? Isn't that like me saying I liked your cologne? I didn't know how to interpret it so I wrote back and gave him my email address. Have you gals/guys received a quick reply in this manner?


Also, how do you guys/gals keep up with it? I mean, it's tough to not let your self esteem get in the way. I've had my crying moments, too. But, I don't stay sad for long.


Feel free to respond to me offline.


I do read the posts here, and the information has been helpful.


blackngoldgal


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Mon, 04-19-2010 - 6:34pm

I have gotten a "Thanks for your interest and wink back. You are very pretty." I will give him credit for the "You are very pretty" I guess, but I feel like I am the one who has to do all of the work.
I haven't been doing online dating too long, well about once every couple of years. I have met a great friend through it, and got to a coffee date with one, I think I am the one digging my heels a bit.

I try to stay light about it. It certainly can be difficult and a knock to your self-esteem, especially if you are getting interest from all of the guys that you are not interested in, yet the guys you are interested in, are not interested.

It certainly is not instant, I have thought maybe I should join World of Warcraft, they seem to have a success rate with finding the love of your life. haha

Best of Luck to you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:01am

I've been back online (after a 4+ yr. relationship) since January, and I'm just now to the point where my self-esteem is not getting hammered :) It took that long to build up my armor, and look at website dating as little more than a fun pastime, not really expecting anything to come out of it. I think getting the first few meets out of the way helped - I've been on five. It is difficult in the beginning to put this all in perspective and it does take some getting used to. Even if you stop for several months and start up again, you have to re-build your defenses.

I still email guys on occasion, but about 90% of the time they don't respond back, so when I email someone I do it with the knowledge I'm probably killing any chance of anything happening with said guy, lol. I get all the guys emailing me who I have no interest in, and none of the guys emailing me who I think I might like.

I just went to a Meetup group on Saturday and one of the guys that was there sent me an email - he is interested and would like to get to know me better. Unfortunately, I'm not really interested in him! I may go out just to be sure there's nothing there (chemistry), he does seem like a really nice guy, but then it will be even more difficult to have to tell him "sorry, not interested." Where's the justice!

Avatar for iladyja
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 6:39pm
I've been doing OLD for about 2 years now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Tue, 04-20-2010 - 11:42pm

I have been on OLD sites on-and-off for 10 years since my divorce (yeah I'm sure you LOVE to hear that!). I have been in relationships from OLD and from real life in those years.

My current and hopefully last relationship has lasted the longest ever, 2 years. I met her off eHarmony. I have tried a lot of OLD sites: yahoo, eharmony, chemistry, match, plenty of fish, craigslist, and others.

I'm a guy and I expect to get 10% of those women to email me back and from that 10% then maybe 30-50% of them to actually want to meet me after emailing/talking on the phone. So I need to contact 50 women to actually meet a couple of them.

In the meantime, I go out to group activities like meetup.com and meetin.org, go to adult ed classes, and just generally get out to do things that I like.

I guess it takes effort, tenacity, persistence, humor, and letting go of expectations and focusing on the journey.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 7:55pm

Thanks to all who responded.


I truly hate receiving thanks but no thanks rejection emails. I received one today. The man thanked me for complimenting his profile, yet, he didn't ask one question about me. Why do men feel compelled to respond when they clearly aren't interested in getting to know me?


I'll keep plugging away! :)


Blackngoldgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2010
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 8:00pm

That's great you were in a relationship via OLD! I'd like to reach that point one day.


Anyway, since you are guy, do you feel flattered when a girl initiates contact first? Or, would you rather say Hi first?


I've said Hi to many guys first. Of course, I seem to get rejection emails. Yet, I can't wait around forever for a guy to say Hi to me first.


Blackngoldgal

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Sun, 04-25-2010 - 11:31pm
I've been doing the OLD thing off and on for about 10 years as well. I was in a relationship for about 2 years, and have taken breaks time and again.
I think the key is to send the emails to express interest and if no reply or a reject email then move to the next one. I also have found it helpful to meet for a coffee date right away. I only email a few days, then agree to meet. I think that saves a lot of trouble, as meeting face to face really is the tell all. Chatting for days and days, or emailing or talking on the phone is all very disassociated.
I agree that you have to meet lots and lots before you might find someone you connect with.
As well, I think that there's the danger of always thinking there's someone better, and OLD kind of promotes that "catalog" mentality.
Right now I'm dating 2 guys, and will soon decide who I like better. I really am not comfortable dating more than one at a time, but all the dating advice gurus suggest it.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Mon, 04-26-2010 - 2:33pm

No I am not flattered by getting contacted first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 12:46am

I never contact men first. I always send a polite "Thanks for your email but we wouldn't be a good match. Good luck on your search!" and then block them so I don't get an argument.

I've met some great guys over the years and was even engaged to one. I am only dating for marriage now so am very picky over who I will be spending the rest of my life with! Quality not quantity...