online dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
online dating
15
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 5:59pm

I just ended 3 months of online dating at match.  I met 5 and stood up 1.   I did notice several men who were what I consider a good catch would email me and then try to weasle me in on a Sunday sometime later.  They would try to meet 3 women in 1 weekend.   Several emailed me and I would respond and never hear from them again.  Some of them don't seem to care whether things work out or not..   Your perception of them is never how they appear in person.  I'm just wondering whether it's worth it to renew,   I know my age is a factor here as well.  I haven't been going out lately, but I was going to try to go out once in a while.  

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: stefson
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 8:15am

Is it worth it? Only you can decide. I would say meeting five men in three months is a good outcome. All of the things you describe are just part of the online dating world and you can't take it personally. I was on for four years, then took a year off. I didn't meet anyone in that time. I'm now back on. I haven't met anyone yet, but have been contacted by about 12 guys. I'm not really interested in any of them unfortunately. I'm in my 50s, and yeah, age is an issue. I think it's exponentially harder to meet men as soon as you pass 35, so think OLD is a very viable option for older mena nd women.

If it makes you feel any better, I met a guy once who kept his cell phone out the whole time we were meeting, and he excused himself at one point to go to the men's room. I'm certain that he was calling back someone else!

I'm curious--why did you stand up the one guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: stefson
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 11:01am

I think it depends on how you deal with it.  The money really isn't much of a factor if you do 3 mos. at a time--it's like $20 or $25 a month, right?  Can you deal with the emotional part of it and just look at it as part of your life and go about your business?  I was on match for a while last year, took a break and just went back on for 3 mos which will be until the end of Dec.  I am not going to renew because now I am getting nothing--seriously, I'm not even getting emails from guys who are undesirable, so there's not much point.  Last year, since it was new, I spent a lot of time looking over the profilles and emailing a lot of guys first & I did meet 3 guys.  2 of them I never saw again and the 3rd one I went on 3 dates with, so it's hardly a good outcome.  Now I find that I'm just much less interested.  I will log on & look for 10 mins. and then just can't be bothered.  When I was home for the hurricane the other day, I emailed 3 guys who seemed like pretty good matches--one guy responded that he was dating someone (which I assume was a lie since I always  see him on there) and I didn't hear from the other 2.  If I take it too seriously, then I start feeling bad about myself, like why does no one want to date me?  So the whole thing is kind of a waste of time for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: stefson
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 5:15pm
Maybe you're right, that it is an option. He told me he had fallen and broken his ankle and was using a cane. He made the mistake of showing up a few minutes late and pulled out a walker, severe deformity. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt here because this was an educated man and I respect that in a person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: stefson
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 5:21pm

I agree I think you're right, it can bring you down and make you feel bad.  I might take a break from it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: stefson
Wed, 12-19-2012 - 8:24pm

OLD is not for the faint of heart. Be prepared to get lots of subpar men who still think they're all that. The ones that do have something (even when they're not up to your standard) think they're God's gifts. So, it's extremely demoralizing and can wreck havoc on your self esteem if you're not careful.

However, it does have its rewards if you stick around long enough and have to accept since it's a public forum, you're get a lot of undesirables. I'm 46, by no means alluring ( I just don't have the look men like, even in my younger days. At least back then had age on my side).  Once in a great while, I would come across someone awesome - by this I mean there's mutual attraction  and sincere interest. I like smart (if not brilliant) men. Hard to come by. Even harder since most of them want eye-candy and now with my fine wrinkles and tired eyes, not so nubile and so cute anymore. But, anyway, I don't mind older men as long as they're brilliant. I would stick with Match.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: stefson
Thu, 12-20-2012 - 10:02pm

There is a glimmer of hope in your message, so I may try again.  I'm having a little bit of a medical issue that I think I need to get squared away first.   If I was 46, I'm 61 in Jan., I think it would be a little easier online.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:21am

Stefson,

For us women, time is our enemy. I'm willing to go for older men so it makes it easier. I still like them tall so I think that is something that would limit me. What would I do if I was 61? Every age has its challenge. When I was thirty I was too snotty and was focused on the wrong thing. Now that I'm wiser, the pool is much smaller.  A friend of mine told me he knows women in their 70's who still meet wonderful mates. Now since I've never had much luck with men, I was thinking other women, yes but probably not me. I have to tell you though OLD is really tough, I wouldn't blame you if you quit. I quit so many times but the rare times I met someone awesome (even when it didnt' work out), I thought it was worth it. That is if you don't see not having a R/S is really not a failure. You would have to be OK with being single. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 12:22pm

If you limit youself to a small geographical area (say, a 30 min drive from home/work) then of course you will limit the pool of potentials. I was open to a long distance relationship and spent a couple of hours a night for over a year talking to women online and yes, it's easy to get discouraged but if you want it... you go and get it, right? I continued extensively with two women, one in another state and one in another country with the latter committing to another man before I was ready to commit to her and the former fizzling out. In the end, the second women that I met ended up being the woman of my dreams but she kept herself hidden from me (chatting briefly, sporatically, and without any real depth) for the entire year until she trusted me enough to open herself up. I guess my main advice is to keep an open mind and as good of an attitude as you can and if you really want it, put the necessary work in to achieve success.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 1:38pm
  • Glenn,
  • Geographically open. Yes, I see your point. I think if two people are very committed, you can make it work. 

Clarify your sitch with the second woman please. From what you said, you and she were a good match but sounded like wrong timing.

I have an interesting LD R/S story to tell as well. Never before had I dated anyone outside a 30 mile radius. However, earlier this year got an email from a man in Belgium (I'm in the States). Well, the R/S was intensified over the next five months. Red flags emerged mainly about his nasty personality traits. Also question about his real age. He told me he was 57 (turned out to be 69!) I was 45 at the time.  But I was so in love I ignored it. We smoothed things over. I visited him in Belgium in September. Long story short. I was still OK with the age b/c I was so attracted to him. He was brilliant. But the nasty personality made the whole visit very unpleasant.

I kept quiet after the I came back to the states. He continued to write as if nothing has happened. An argument eventually broke out (not over the R/S) but about a book he ordered that I was supposed to bring to him. After that we didn't talk for two months. Last week I got a phone voice mail wishing me happy b-day and merry christmas. He tried calling again the next day. This brought back some fond memories of who I imagined this man to be.  I wrote him an email asking how he's been. No response.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 4:24pm

She was from the Phililipines, self-empolyed in a successful internet business and we got along very, very well. The only two hesitations that I had when she offered to go exclusive was that we had only known each other for about 4 months and she was young, 32 at the time so a 16 year spread. The guy she ended up accepting a marriage proposal from couldn't get the fiance visa (Australia) due to a combination of a lack of savings and the unexpected onset of cancer. In the six or so months for all of that to play out, I got exclusive. My fiance is 44, from the Dominican Republic and works as a financial controller/planner for an international corporation that has agreed to transfer her to a local office near my home in So. Cal.

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