Online dating after 5 years?
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Online dating after 5 years?
| Thu, 07-14-2005 - 3:59pm |
Hi I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have been engaged for the last two. A couple of years ago we had some issues with trust when I found out that he had put his profile on Match.com. I also later found a girl's phone number in his wallet. As for the profile he denied doing it and said one of his friends must have put it on there or maybe he did it when he was drunk. As for the phone number he at first told me it was his friend's girlfriend's number and he had to call her to help him with homework. I called her and she said she didn't know my boyfriend and she was worried that he had her number when she didn't even know who he was. She also said she didn't have a boyfriend right now, so his story was a lie. He then said that he didn't know where he had gotten her number. Anyway, that was all a while ago and I thought we had gotten past all of that. I still check his e-mail to make sure he's not doing anything I should know about, and for a long time now everything has been fine. Then yesterday I went into his email account and found out that he had AGAIN put his profile on Match.com. He had used a slightly different user name and he had it going to a different email address than the one he usually uses, but it was still there. He didn't fill out all the info on his profile like he did last time, but he had started it. My question is, why did he even start putting a profile on there? He says he wants to get married in February and he seems like he means it. By the way, he made that last profile in May of this year. Is he just lying about wanting to get married and he's just using me until he finds someone better? I don't know what to think. Please help.

I'm sorry you are having to go thru this. It sounds like he has lied to you on more than one occasion and putting his profile up would suggest to me that he is interested in looking around. Maybe he's getting cold feet, only he would know the answer to that. But, if it were me I would be asking myself if I really want to be with someone that I feel I have to check up on. To me it's an issue of trust, without that you nothing IMO.
All the best,
Libra
It could be he's looking for someone else, or he may just want to have sex with someone on the side while staying with you. Who knows?
But, whatever his reason, it doesn't matter...the point is, a man who wants to be in a monagamous, committed relationship with you DOES NOT post profiles on a dating site!
Unless you want to spend your marriage wondering if he's cheating on you, I think it would be a mistake to marry this guy.
Sheri
I think it would be a mistake also to marry a guy you couldn't trust. My mom didn't trust my dad when I was a kid (and she had good reason as he was cheating on her), but I saw so much of the checking up and spying part of the mistrust issue. I only saw it from a kid's perspective, but I imagine it was way worse from hers! I'd hate to see anyone live like that.
I would definitly give deep consideration to if he is the right one for you or not... I feel for you and wish you much clarity and courage as you go through this...Not all men are like that...
Sunshine
Littlegreek-
Hi and welcome to the board.
CL-Truewild1969
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Lilgreek,
Wow...you both sound young too. His lame excuses of "a friend put it up or perhaps i was drunk" were very lame and show he is a coward to not admit to it. Last thing you want to do when you are drunk is to fill out fields lol etc. I know its not easy to just break up with someone especially when its not expected. Wow you are good at research to find yet another profile of his on a vast place like Match.com.
Do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Why didn't you get upset enough when this happened. Definately wouldve been a deal breaker for me. You really should give back the engagement ring now. You don't want to make a mistake following through on this just because of others expectations. This is your life, there is no dress rehearsal. If he is exhibiting this behavior as a young man...he most likely will not change and you also don't get into relationships or stay in hopes someone changes. You take them as is and accept them or don't. This, for someone like me who wants loyalty and sincerity, is a definate deal breaker. Decide what kind of man you want and follow through. Doesnt have to get messy or angry....someone has to be the adult here...but you dont want to be his mother either. You deserve an equal...someone who puts in just as much as you do. If you are loyal...you deserve it back. KWIM?
Let us know what happens, This is a major wake up call....you slept through the last one.
Lizzie